In home care - what's reasonable?

[Anonymous]

If it's a hired agency, frequently they are very strict on what they will and won't do, and they mostly won't do housecleaning and/or laundry.

We had to have aides around the clock that did bathing and toileting, gave meds, fed, and a housekeeper who did all the cleaning.

As mentioned, these are low paying jobs, and showing appreciation makes a huge difference of them and your elder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL's people will do anything asked. Make meals, clean, chat, dress, shower. I think they are happy to be occupied. Can't imagine someone making a meal for one person and leaving the spouse on their own.

If the spouse doesn't need a care provider and are home they should be making the meal, not the in-home care aide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you need a housekeeper OP, not an aide.

for just asking the question? thanks for the input

Ask better questions if you want better answers- the tasks you listed are housekeeper duties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you need a housekeeper OP, not an aide.

for just asking the question? thanks for the input

Ask better questions if you want better answers- the tasks you listed are housekeeper duties.

I think you're being rough on the OP. There is a huge learning curve when you're forced into the world of eldercare, and it is generally accompanied with a lot of stress. Getting involved with a parent's or loved one's need for care workers is really tough. So show some grace. OP is clearly at the beginning of this journey.

OP, if you're asking because you're getting some pushback or things are left undone, you have your answer. Show appreciation anyway. You don't want to have to do it yourself.

Also, we did ask that when one care worker was leaving at the end of her shift that she clean up after herself and what she did for our dad. The next care worker doesn't want to walk into a mess left by the previous person. Beyond that, which was requested politely, that was all they would do.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL's people will do anything asked. Make meals, clean, chat, dress, shower. I think they are happy to be occupied. Can't imagine someone making a meal for one person and leaving the spouse on their own.

I posted above - that was exactly what happened in our situation. They would make a meal for my MIL and my FIL had to make something independently. That was the deal.

[Anonymous]

Before my mom moved to assisted living and then memory care, she had an aide 8 hrs/day. The aide did light housekeeping (dishes, helped with laundry, tidied up, swept, etc), light meal prep, driving, shopping, and help with bathing. But my mother did not need physical or personal/medical care otherwise. We still had regular cleaners, she was mobile and not incontinent or, at that time, very confused. If she had an aide now (she is in memory care), I would not expect the cleaning beyond the day to day light duties--wiping down, organizing a few things, etc. I would expect some meal prep, personal care, and just being with her, which is more exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother's private aide does laundry and kitchen tidying as well as personal care. She's also $12/hour less than the agency and is allowed to give meds. We don't have a contract with her

What state are you in? The meds thing is tricky. She probably is allowed to remind your mother to take meds. Is she bonded and ensured? Is she a legal citizen? Do you give her paid sick leave, etc?

[Anonymous]

We have had aides for several elders in our family.

Bottom line is the more you care for them the more they do for you unasked and very willingly.

When the snow was predicted for past Monday, I sent my mom’s aide home with some groceries to keep for herself for next few days, plus some sandwiches since she doesnt drive and rents a room.

She helps above and beyond her “duties.”

It goes back and forth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you need a housekeeper OP, not an aide.

for just asking the question? thanks for the input

Ask better questions if you want better answers- the tasks you listed are housekeeper duties.

Ask better questions? Better than “what’s reasonable?”

[Anonymous]

You'd need to talk to the person. I'd get a weekly cleaning service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before my mom moved to assisted living and then memory care, she had an aide 8 hrs/day. The aide did light housekeeping (dishes, helped with laundry, tidied up, swept, etc), light meal prep, driving, shopping, and help with bathing. But my mother did not need physical or personal/medical care otherwise. We still had regular cleaners, she was mobile and not incontinent or, at that time, very confused. If she had an aide now (she is in memory care), I would not expect the cleaning beyond the day to day light duties--wiping down, organizing a few things, etc. I would expect some meal prep, personal care, and just being with her, which is more exhausting.

Thanks for this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father had 2 aides - 24/7 for his last several years. We chose to always have 2 aides - to make it easier on them and also we just felt it was a safety net to have two people. My Dad was mostly unable to communicate the last year.

We never expected anything beyond care for my father. But they did all kinds of things - laundry, cooking, baking - decorating for holidays -- seemed like they did stuff to help with the boredom.

I agree with the PP -- be grateful if your parent likes them and if they seem to like your parent. Treat them with respect.

Wow. 7 days a week of 24 hours so that is 168 hours. Using two people is 336 hours that need covering a week. Assuming a person worked 40 hours a week that would take slightly over 8 people to cover.

How much did that cost?! Did you or an agency really use 8 people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother's private aide does laundry and kitchen tidying as well as personal care. She's also $12/hour less than the agency and is allowed to give meds. We don't have a contract with her

Awesome, but without an agency contract, you run the risk of she calls out sick and what do you do? Or she just decides not to show up one day and you are left scrambling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father had 2 aides - 24/7 for his last several years. We chose to always have 2 aides - to make it easier on them and also we just felt it was a safety net to have two people. My Dad was mostly unable to communicate the last year.

We never expected anything beyond care for my father. But they did all kinds of things - laundry, cooking, baking - decorating for holidays -- seemed like they did stuff to help with the boredom.

I agree with the PP -- be grateful if your parent likes them and if they seem to like your parent. Treat them with respect.

Wow. 7 days a week of 24 hours so that is 168 hours. Using two people is 336 hours that need covering a week. Assuming a person worked 40 hours a week that would take slightly over 8 people to cover.

How much did that cost?! Did you or an agency really use 8 people?

We used a small agency - run by a woman that also managed my mother's care several years earlier. This is in a small New England town. Her parents went to high school with my parents. There were probably 12-15 people that rotated out through the week. There were 5-6 that never changed and then several that came and went. There were times during COVID that the agency owner stayed overnight with my Dad. She billed as a care manager at 80.00/hr. The caregivers billed at 25.00/hr. It was all expensive but worth it. The more I hear about other people struggling with eldercare -- the more I realize how lucky we were. Another advantage of small town life -- the care manager seemed to know everyone and or be related to them. So during COVID my Dad had to be in the hospital (for a non COVID thing) and because our care manager's cousin was head of the Council of the Aging and another was an admin at the hospital -- they made an exception for my father to have a caregiver with him at all times. When I think back (my dad died summer of 23) I don't think I really appreciated how lucky we were to have such great care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother's private aide does laundry and kitchen tidying as well as personal care. She's also $12/hour less than the agency and is allowed to give meds. We don't have a contract with her

Awesome, but without an agency contract, you run the risk of she calls out sick and what do you do? Or she just decides not to show up one day and you are left scrambling.

like a nanny. we've had 2 and they've never "called out sick" or failed to show up.