When your kid is the worst on the team

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is 8. I assume this is rec and not a team he tried out for. The whole point of rec is that anyone who signs up can play. If his coach or teammates insinuate or outright tell him he is dragging them down, it’s not a good team for you.

I have one kid who has logged many seasons as the worst kid on a rec baseball team and yet his friends still want him to sign up and play. It is hard as a parent to watch your kid struggle, but no parent is watching my kid as much as I am. My kid does not care - so any angst I have about him being the “worst” kid is all mine.

My other kid recently started “travel lite” soccer and he is one of the weaker players. His technical skills are good, but he is not aggressive in game situations and he is very self conscious about being the youngest kid on the team because of his birthday. That kid is harder because he cares and he wants to be good, but instead of being motivated to “keep up”, he shuts down and feels embarrassed. I feel like I am a part time sports psychologist with him.

And for your kid - he is 8. You DO NOT throw in the towel on sports. This is just one of many things your kid will encounter in life where they are not naturally talented or immediately a top performer. Working through those emotions is important.

We listen to what our kids say, but we also pay attention to what they are telling us with their actions and body language. If your son is putting in the work, participating in practice, going to practice and games willingly - I would support him. We didn’t “pull the plug” on baseball for 5 seasons until we had 1 full season where we were dragging him to practice, reminding him to do his drills, and basically doing all the work for him. As long as he was putting in effort, we supported him.

[Anonymous]

8 is still really young. I don’t think kids really start to care until more like 10-11 (unless they are hearing nasty things from their parents).

Sports are supposed to be fun so unless he’s not having fun, don’t worry about it.

That said 1:1 coaching and extra practice never hurt!

[Anonymous]

I really appreciate the feedback. I will definitely try to play more with him just for fun no coaching. I am going to try a private lessons though at a gym we use for other classes to see if it helps him stand out a bit less.

It is a rec league, and the coaches are friendly, but it feels like if you don’t start at age 5 you are already way behind! My five year old is in the same league and is doing pretty well. Seems like everyone who starts later is way behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really appreciate the feedback. I will definitely try to play more with him just for fun no coaching. I am going to try a private lessons though at a gym we use for other classes to see if it helps him stand out a bit less.

It is a rec league, and the coaches are friendly, but it feels like if you don’t start at age 5 you are already way behind! My five year old is in the same league and is doing pretty well. Seems like everyone who starts later is way behind.

Hey OP, I could have written this post and came to this forum to look for options to help my son. I go back and forth on whether I should help develop his skill or just let him have fun. He knows he is not the best, but he doesn't know he's likely the worst. But he's happy and goes to practice with a skip in his step.

I do notice that the weeks when I play with him and "practice", he has a better team practice and is more confident and more aggressive. So other parents' advice to just play with him has been good advice to follow.

I think you're right about starting earlier...but the biggest factor I have noticed is that the boys with older siblings are better at sports than the first borns. Maybe its just my son's friend group, but its been pretty accurate. So your younger child is benefitting from seeing their older sibling play!

[Anonymous]

Why did you pick basketball? 8 is pretty young for that sport especially if you kid isn't naturally aggressive and a gifted athlete. If your kid likes it, you can certainly keep at it. But you may also want to suggest another sport where height is an advantage - such as swim team. That might be a better fit with his personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
"My kid just started reading and he’s the worst in his class. We struggle with practicing at home because he is pretty oppositional/meltdown/ocd with us (but not with teachers.).

I feel a bit guilty about dragging down the class, and wonder if the kids will start resenting him too much. He doesn’t seem to be aware of that yet. Almost all of the kids have obviously been reading for a couple years."
Do you see how absurd this is? Parents ONLY act this way about sports. You would never dream of feeling guilty if your child needed more support academically, but if your child isn't a gifted athlete you're embarrassed and worried about "dragging down" the athletic kids.
Your child has every right to enjoy playing a sport no matter what his skill level. If he's not enjoying it then that's another story.
-Mom of kid who is always the worst on the team

Your post is absurd! You can't compare something individual that doesn't affect anyone else to team sport. You obviously, never had a kid in this position to use such a dumb analogy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
"My kid just started reading and he’s the worst in his class. We struggle with practicing at home because he is pretty oppositional/meltdown/ocd with us (but not with teachers.).

I feel a bit guilty about dragging down the class, and wonder if the kids will start resenting him too much. He doesn’t seem to be aware of that yet. Almost all of the kids have obviously been reading for a couple years."
Do you see how absurd this is? Parents ONLY act this way about sports. You would never dream of feeling guilty if your child needed more support academically, but if your child isn't a gifted athlete you're embarrassed and worried about "dragging down" the athletic kids.
Your child has every right to enjoy playing a sport no matter what his skill level. If he's not enjoying it then that's another story.
-Mom of kid who is always the worst on the team

Your post is absurd! You can't compare something individual that doesn't affect anyone else to team sport. You obviously, never had a kid in this position to use such a dumb analogy.

DP, but while it's to a lesser extent kids' academic skills absolutely do impact the entire class. Or have you never had your kid come home and mention that the teacher had to go back over something in math because a small group simply didn't get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s 8 nobody cares. Let him have fun and leave him alone ffs.

How do you know none of the other kids on the team care? Honestly, how do you know? How can you make this statement? You think all 7 year olds don't care about winning? I'd say the younger kids are, the more likely they are to freak out over losing and blaming other kids. Nice if your kid was one a team with all well mannered kids who didn't care about winning or losing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s 8 nobody cares. Let him have fun and leave him alone ffs.

How do you know none of the other kids on the team care? Honestly, how do you know? How can you make this statement? You think all 7 year olds don't care about winning? I'd say the younger kids are, the more likely the parents are to freak out over losing and blaming other kids. Nice if your kid was one a team with all well mannered kids who didn't care about winning or losing.

FTFY. Or at least that's how it is in our sport (not basketball).

The movie All Stars captures this dynamic well, but is only funny if you're on the board of a diamond sport rec league.

[Anonymous]

My now-14 year old probably started rec basketball at 7 or 8. He was/is tall, but was somewhat uncoordinated and definitely not a ball handler. He wasn't aggressive at all, but he had fun and wanted to keep playing rec.

Now as a freshman, he's still not inclined to put any additional training into it, but he's gotten more aggressive and confident over the years. I think 8 is way too young to give up on it! At some point too, they learn that they get out of it what they put into it. As PPs have noted with their own children, the weeks they practice more, the better they do, and I see the same with my son.

Also, it's ok if basketball never rises past the rec stage. It's youth sports and it's supposed to be fun.

[Anonymous]

Pay a 12 yo who is good at bb to play with him

[Anonymous]

They're 8, it's fine. My 12 year old was the worst on the team two years ago when she played for the first time. She's improved so much!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s 8 nobody cares. Let him have fun and leave him alone ffs.

How do you know none of the other kids on the team care? Honestly, how do you know? How can you make this statement? You think all 7 year olds don't care about winning? I'd say the younger kids are, the more likely they are to freak out over losing and blaming other kids. Nice if your kid was one a team with all well mannered kids who didn't care about winning or losing.

This has not been our experience. Definitely the older kids have worse sportsmanship.

[Anonymous]

You're living too much through his sports adventure. It's your kid's journey. Most of the other kids don't really mind and through enough time and practice, your kid will find their exact placement on the team.
Just keep telling your kid how much you love witching them play. Reward effort and not outcome. Keep praising their efforts on the court.

[Anonymous]

If he loves basketball and wants to improve, but not with you, consider extra training sessions. Google basketball training. There are some good options around. My kid did it at that age and really loved it. But they specifically asked.