Convincing parent to part with stuff

[Anonymous]

You lie and you invent that various younger relatives or your neighbor or co-worker really do want the stuff and you start taking things away. Then you drive the stuff to the dump.

I invented I had a co-worker who was leaving an abusive marriage and needed a bunch of stuff. My mom was so happy to donate her chipped plates, stained table clothes, old clothes etc. to "Sally".

I just have to keep remembering the story. My aunt called an asked me if Sally wanted more plates. I had no idea what she was talking about. My mom mentioned to her about how Sally loved her plates. My aunt and mom had the same patten plates and she wanted to give her a serving bowl.

[Anonymous]

Is the last generation that obsessively holds onto junk, refuses to move out of their clearly not elder-friendly probably poorly maintained home, refuses to explain to children all the random bank accounts/investment accounts they have, etc.?

Or…were these parents perfectly sane people at 50 that said the same as we are saying?

I can’t really remember what my parents were like at 50-60, though we have had crap in the house from like the 1960s…so I guess maybe they were like this.

[Anonymous]

Just start removing some items when you visit and they aren't paying attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:consider an experienced estate sale company. you might be shocked and the value they can bring in. if the parent is willing to sell for value, these places will actually get something.

The estate sales company will make money for itself (it's a business, after all) and most of it will come from you writing them a check.

If your parents have items of actual value, call an auction house.

Otherwise, hire junk haulers that will donate/recycle as much as they can

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the last generation that obsessively holds onto junk, refuses to move out of their clearly not elder-friendly probably poorly maintained home, refuses to explain to children all the random bank accounts/investment accounts they have, etc.?

Or…were these parents perfectly sane people at 50 that said the same as we are saying?

I can’t really remember what my parents were like at 50-60, though we have had crap in the house from like the 1960s…so I guess maybe they were like this.

Honestly, I think they were always like this. You don't accumulate 50 years worth of stuff right before you're about to die. I remember perfectly when I was a college student and my parents about the age I am at now. I was telling them that they have too much stuff and have they thought doing something about it? They said they were happy with all of it and wanted to leave it to us, kids (we already said then we didn't want/need it). I have kids in high school now and am just going through all of their stuff as kids' stuff takes up tons of space. I am surprised I am actually able to sell a lot of their used sports equipment, which are great brands in great condition. I'm sure if I'd wait another 5 years, all of this would be worthless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the last generation that obsessively holds onto junk, refuses to move out of their clearly not elder-friendly probably poorly maintained home, refuses to explain to children all the random bank accounts/investment accounts they have, etc.?

Or…were these parents perfectly sane people at 50 that said the same as we are saying?

I can’t really remember what my parents were like at 50-60, though we have had crap in the house from like the 1960s…so I guess maybe they were like this.

Again, I reference the different times we live in today. Previous generations had paper letters, newspapers, hard copy photos, books, magazines, music albums, etc. Your generation probably has very little of that. But as I mentioned, it is replaced by digital clutter - hundreds and thousands of online photos, emails, dox, playlists, etc., which may be equally problematic for your kids to manage in a meaningful way.

[Anonymous]

Look up swedish death cleaning. My mom found this on her own, and went crazy with decluttering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the last generation that obsessively holds onto junk, refuses to move out of their clearly not elder-friendly probably poorly maintained home, refuses to explain to children all the random bank accounts/investment accounts they have, etc.?

Or…were these parents perfectly sane people at 50 that said the same as we are saying?

I can’t really remember what my parents were like at 50-60, though we have had crap in the house from like the 1960s…so I guess maybe they were like this.

Again, I reference the different times we live in today. Previous generations had paper letters, newspapers, hard copy photos, books, magazines, music albums, etc. Your generation probably has very little of that. But as I mentioned, it is replaced by digital clutter - hundreds and thousands of online photos, emails, dox, playlists, etc., which may be equally problematic for your kids to manage in a meaningful way.

Very easy to ignore "digital clutter". It's not physically piled up anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just start removing some items when you visit and they aren't paying attention.

Trust me, they can accumulate stuff much faster than you can secretly throw it away.

[Anonymous]

My mom felt better giving things to a rummage sale at a church in her town that has a huge one annually. She was a bit frustrated and kept saying "but I kept this for you! why don't you want it?" I told her that I enjoyed it (my duffel bag from 1982 with my mainen name monogrammed on it; a set of ugly china; random hair dryers) when I lived at home, but now that I'm 53 I have other things I use. Even my DD16 had to turn down some ridiculous sweaters and bags.

Dad was really attached to hard copy magazines and books. None of these were of value and he'd underlined all of them! We told him we were taking his collections to the library book sale, but it really went to the dump.

[Anonymous]

We’ve done the inventive lies, too. It works.

[Anonymous]

I don't have any advice. Maybe try to help her pack up and strategically pack that things she needs and then pack the junk in different boxes. Then only move the one set of boxes and dump the others.

I have resigned myself to the fact that it won't happen until after my mom passes. I have visions of dumpsters rolling up to her front door and dumping it all. I try to take as much stuff as she will let me each time I visit. She will give me things to 'sell' from time to time. I just take the stuff home and my husband dumps it in the trash. Like all of my Cabbage Patch Kids. They were worthless, but she saw dollar signs. My friend and I went over and threw out dozens of trash bags of stuff, while she was on vacation. I told her ahead of time that I was going to do it and she barely noticed anything when she got back.

[Anonymous]

This is helpful. I would so like to get rid of a bunch of stuff so my kids don't have to deal with it later but it's hard to get agreement from a certain family member. I didn't realize that the organizing/estate sale services were trained to deal with people who have a hard time letting go of things. I'll keep that in mind as I grow older!

[Anonymous]

NP. This requires money, but one thing you can do is hire an organizer who will pack and label everything. The gentle ones can help encourage her to toss things along the way. But if everything is boxed and labeled, it can be put into storage and then later quietly disposed of.

I had to do that with my mom. We could only get her to progress on the issue by saying we were boxing everything and putting it in storage. We did put it in storage but then we quietly disposed of some of the boxes. It was much easier to do because everything was labeled.

[Anonymous]

Forget it. My mom has phones from the 1980s she won't give up.