If you had a child as a single mom, how was your experience?

[Anonymous]

My ex-partner had mental health crisis (that he hasn't recovered from) before birth and I have been raising my child by myself. My child is 4 now. I love it. It can be lonely. Make sure you have a support network - I moved closer to my parents. Yes, money solves a lot of problems. I'm lucky. I work hard - I use that support group to continue to get promoted. I tell no one at work im a single mother. I'm hyper-vigilant about my budget and savings. I bought life insurance like it was going out of style.

There are so many pluses too - it's not what I pictured or planned for - but I wouldn't trade it. I'm so thankful.


But I love my child, we have so much together and while I imagined a partner enjoying this with me - I would

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adopted a toddler as a single mom. The joys do outweigh the challenges, but it can be difficult. Daycare is crazy expensive and even after that, there's aftercare and camps in the summer. My DD is now in her 20s, but there was a long period where I wasn't saving for retirement so I could meet all the expenses, so I now have less than I hoped.

One of most difficult aspects is how 24/7 the job is. There isn't much downtime, except for naps and when they go to bed. Even with a circle of friends or relatives, there were certainly times when she was young that I just wanted a break and there was nowhere to turn, particularly if I was sick.

But on the upside, we formed a very close bond with just the two of us, and experiencing all the joys of childhood, from bedtime stories to catching fireflies to trips to the beach, makes up for all the hard times.

Any reason you chose to adopt?

Would you ask that of a married couple?

Yes I would. I always wonder about people who adopt vs giving birth

Because there are already so many kids out there that need homes.

And you've reduced that number yourself?

[Anonymous]

I've gotta think all the school holidays are hard. We are married (both work) and even with two of us it's hard to manage all of the FCPS holidays. No joke like there's a holiday every other week plus if kids are sick you've gotta have a serious support network to make it work or make a ton of money to hire reliable babysitters with just one person covering it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adopted a toddler as a single mom. The joys do outweigh the challenges, but it can be difficult. Daycare is crazy expensive and even after that, there's aftercare and camps in the summer. My DD is now in her 20s, but there was a long period where I wasn't saving for retirement so I could meet all the expenses, so I now have less than I hoped.

One of most difficult aspects is how 24/7 the job is. There isn't much downtime, except for naps and when they go to bed. Even with a circle of friends or relatives, there were certainly times when she was young that I just wanted a break and there was nowhere to turn, particularly if I was sick.

But on the upside, we formed a very close bond with just the two of us, and experiencing all the joys of childhood, from bedtime stories to catching fireflies to trips to the beach, makes up for all the hard times.

Any reason you chose to adopt?

Would you ask that of a married couple?

Yes I would. I always wonder about people who adopt vs giving birth

Because there are already so many kids out there that need homes.

And you've reduced that number yourself?

Yup, sure did! Glad I did.

[Anonymous]

My daughter (adopted internationally) is now in college. I joined SMBC when I was 31 and did not travel to meet my daughter until I was 40. I learned everything from my local DC group. I worked a full time job that offered plenty of overtime (Sat. 1.5 pay and Sunday 2x pay) and also worked odd jobs like babysitting, pet sitting, house sitting. I bought a (very small) house where I could rent out the basement as a separate unit.

So, it was all about the money. Knowing I would not be able to work those extra hours once my daughter came along, I still had passive income from my renters -- even to this day. Almost always a first year law student or similar.

Ya gotta plan, and I am a mean planner

Best best thing ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've gotta think all the school holidays are hard. We are married (both work) and even with two of us it's hard to manage all of the FCPS holidays. No joke like there's a holiday every other week plus if kids are sick you've gotta have a serious support network to make it work or make a ton of money to hire reliable babysitters with just one person covering it all.

Here’s the thing when you don’t have another adult to rely upon you just make it work. I didn’t focus on the logistics of it all I just kept pushing and planning and moving forward.

The pandemic was a boon for me. I rarely go into the office now and I have time to run my DS everywhere, multiple sports, activities, tutoring etc., it all seems so easy now.

Especially in comparison to when I was trying to juggle work and all of the above. I managed to do it both then and now without any grumbling. But it is much easier now.

The entire experience has been the most rewarding and joy filled adventure of my life and I had a lot of life before I had my son in my 40s.

I’m closing in on the finish line. Almost time to leave the nest and Im not quite certain what I’ll do with myself when that day comes. I’m going to miss when it was just us and all the crazy jam packed days. I’ll have to get a life I suppose and find someone else to go on adventures with.

[Anonymous]

I was very immature and irresponsible and had two children with a boyfriend in my early 20s. He left and I raised them alone with meager financial resources, stressful living situations, lack of support, and major health problems with both children. I made major parenting mistakes with not being consistent and suffered from bouts of depression. Both children are adults in their own now but struggle. With a more stable upbringing and two parents I truly believe they would have been much better off. Hindsight is 20 20. Hard pass on single parenting if I could go back in time.

[Anonymous]

I unexpectedly had a child at 25 and the Father was violent, mentally unstable. He's been in our child's life but for the most part as a negative role model.

As a single Mom, we had a wonderful life together. We had so many great adventures. I got us into a great school district and my child is a superstar. I still think about how much fun we had together. That said, I do gloss over the stress caused mostly by Dad's instability and mental games.

[Anonymous]

I adopted my son (domestically) when I was 40. My parents convinced me to move in with them. They were getting older and needed a little help and I was a new mom who needed a little help. I never thought it would work but we all became so close . I sold my home, eventually buying a better one for us as a family. They told me to take a year off and it was the best suggestion they ever gave me.

I never had grandparents and I love to watch how close my parents and my son have become. They are too old to be his full-time carers but are perfect for shorter time spans.

[Anonymous]

Similar to others, you have to plan since you go into single motherhood (by choice) knowing it all depends on you.

Regarding the school closures, I knew the calendar of school days off several months or nearly a year in advance. I took it to my boss and we went over those days in detail to be taken as my vacation, personal, and sick days. Annually I got 20 vacay days, 4 personal days, and 10 sick days,

Safe to say it was haphazard but it worked. You need money and organization as a smbc. Family help comes in handy, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adopted a toddler as a single mom. The joys do outweigh the challenges, but it can be difficult. Daycare is crazy expensive and even after that, there's aftercare and camps in the summer. My DD is now in her 20s, but there was a long period where I wasn't saving for retirement so I could meet all the expenses, so I now have less than I hoped.

One of most difficult aspects is how 24/7 the job is. There isn't much downtime, except for naps and when they go to bed. Even with a circle of friends or relatives, there were certainly times when she was young that I just wanted a break and there was nowhere to turn, particularly if I was sick.

But on the upside, we formed a very close bond with just the two of us, and experiencing all the joys of childhood, from bedtime stories to catching fireflies to trips to the beach, makes up for all the hard times.

Any reason you chose to adopt?

Would you ask that of a married couple?

Yes I would. I always wonder about people who adopt vs giving birth

Because there are already so many kids out there that need homes.

Tell me you know nothing about adoption without telling me you know nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adopted a toddler as a single mom. The joys do outweigh the challenges, but it can be difficult. Daycare is crazy expensive and even after that, there's aftercare and camps in the summer. My DD is now in her 20s, but there was a long period where I wasn't saving for retirement so I could meet all the expenses, so I now have less than I hoped.

One of most difficult aspects is how 24/7 the job is. There isn't much downtime, except for naps and when they go to bed. Even with a circle of friends or relatives, there were certainly times when she was young that I just wanted a break and there was nowhere to turn, particularly if I was sick.

But on the upside, we formed a very close bond with just the two of us, and experiencing all the joys of childhood, from bedtime stories to catching fireflies to trips to the beach, makes up for all the hard times.

Any reason you chose to adopt?

Would you ask that of a married couple?

Yes I would. I always wonder about people who adopt vs giving birth

Because there are already so many kids out there that need homes.

Tell me you know nothing about adoption without telling me you know nothing.

Are you daft? Tell me you know nothing about the number of children in foster care available for adoption without telling me that.
-- single mom who become a mom in less than one year to TWO children

[Anonymous]

The bond with the child is so strong (unless something went wrong) that no one will say it wasn’t worth it, I regret it, etc. the truth is it should not an option taken up lightly. It is very very hard and you are making the world harder for the child. I do not recommend it unless you truly have no other options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bond with the child is so strong (unless something went wrong) that no one will say it wasn’t worth it, I regret it, etc. the truth is it should not an option taken up lightly. It is very very hard and you are making the world harder for the child. I do not recommend it unless you truly have no other options.

What does this mean?

[Anonymous]

I know several, and every single one of them has local parents that live within a few miles and are very, very active in their and their child's life. Unfortunately, as their children have started ES, their parents have started to have health issues, so now my friends find themselves caring for children and their parents (one has siblings, the other three are only children themselves). This is starting to get challenging for some of them to navigate.

In terms of non-family support, I'm told there are very active single mom by choice Facebook groups, including some that are specific to single moms by choice who want to travel - I have one friend that does group travel with other single moms and their children. Another has found the local half-siblings to her child and has connected with them.