DH having affair but not home yet from “work”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put an air tag on his vehicle

Illegal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

OP, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I have been there and I can imagine how difficult it is. But please don't bring the child into it. Yes, they will eventually know you are divorcing (if that's where you're heading) but they DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHY. It will feel good in the moment but it could cause a lot of long-term damage to the child. Kids do best during divorce when parents minimize conflict, communicate well, and support the child's continued relationship with the other parent. Telling kids about adult issues like an affair puts them in the middle and causes mistrust with BOTH parents.

+1. My wife was a serial cheater, but I never found out. I suspected but never dug dipper. I kept the kids out if. Unfortunately they discovered her narcissistic side on their own and now don't even want to go her place. It's stressful for me because I still do want them to have a good relationship with their mother
.she is not my mother so I can care less about jer life. But it sadden me because I have such great relationship with my mother and I wish my kids had the same. When kids as young as 12 and 14 discover your flaws on their own, it must be bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women are f***g cruel let me tell you. The other woman probably knows about you and yet she has no issues whatsoever with it. When women start blaming other women, men will run out of women to cheat with. No the first instinct is blame the man. Of course he is responsible, he should know better. But the other women somehow don't receive as much criticism. It's really odd.

It's the patriarchy stupid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

He doesn’t have to tell you anything if you wanna divorce just start the divorce process and stop making drama. You’re only gonna have a worse divorce if you wanna divorce if you go down the path of litigation and you need basically photos to prove adultery and it doesn’t matter you’re not not gonna get more custody and you’re not gonna get more assets so if you wanna divorce, just get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

He doesn’t have to tell you anything if you wanna divorce just start the divorce process and stop making drama. You’re only gonna have a worse divorce if you wanna divorce if you go down the path of litigation and you need basically photos to prove adultery and it doesn’t matter you’re not not gonna get more custody and you’re not gonna get more assets so if you wanna divorce, just get a divorce.

+1. And if you can use mediation instead of sharks do it. Save the money for lost divorce because you will need it. The damage is done already. But your prospects post divorce will be better than his. Women of they want a relationship can always find one. For men they need to bring a lot of more than just their gender to the table.

[Anonymous]

If you have a joint account, slowly drain it into a trusted family member’s account

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women are f***g cruel let me tell you. The other woman probably knows about you and yet she has no issues whatsoever with it. When women start blaming other women, men will run out of women to cheat with. No the first instinct is blame the man. Of course he is responsible, he should know better. But the other women somehow don't receive as much criticism. It's really odd.

Are you kidding? The other woman usually receives MORE criticism. But who cares, it isn't your marriage, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

OP, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I have been there and I can imagine how difficult it is. But please don't bring the child into it. Yes, they will eventually know you are divorcing (if that's where you're heading) but they DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHY. It will feel good in the moment but it could cause a lot of long-term damage to the child. Kids do best during divorce when parents minimize conflict, communicate well, and support the child's continued relationship with the other parent. Telling kids about adult issues like an affair puts them in the middle and causes mistrust with BOTH parents.

NP. I think a young child doesn’t need to know about cheating, but teens definitely should. They will have enormous trust issues with your approach too, speaking from a personal perspective. Age-appropriate transparency is best.

[Anonymous]

You're choosing to keep from him the fact you know about the affair--and that's a smart thing to do while you're consulting with attorneys, gathering whatever documents and info you need, and ensuring he can't drain accounts, etc. But in the meantime, are you and he still having sex? If so, I'd develop a "female problem" to avoid sex. And I'd get an STI test immediately. To be blunt, when a spouse is a cheater, it means the cheated-on spouse is effectively exposed to not only the AP but to anyone else the AP has had sex with. I know someone who caught an STI from her cheating DH, which he eventually admitted he'd caught fron the AP...or maybe from a work trip one night stand. Horndogs are going to think they're invincible....

Who knows how many other people both the AP and the cheating DH have been with? Protect yourself, and ensure your kid has a healthy mom, by getting tested an

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

He doesn’t have to tell you anything if you wanna divorce just start the divorce process and stop making drama. You’re only gonna have a worse divorce if you wanna divorce if you go down the path of litigation and you need basically photos to prove adultery and it doesn’t matter you’re not not gonna get more custody and you’re not gonna get more assets so if you wanna divorce, just get a divorce.

+1. And if you can use mediation instead of sharks do it. Save the money for lost divorce because you will need it. The damage is done already. But your prospects post divorce will be better than his. Women of they want a relationship can always find one. For men they need to bring a lot of more than just their gender to the table.

Why would I want another relationship when men are such selfish, base jerks and there are predatory women out there to tempt them? Honestly with how I feel at the moment, I’ll be happy to make it out alive at all. The only people getting the best of me going forward are me, my kid, and my dear friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

DP
Keep the child out of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

OP, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I have been there and I can imagine how difficult it is. But please don't bring the child into it. Yes, they will eventually know you are divorcing (if that's where you're heading) but they DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHY. It will feel good in the moment but it could cause a lot of long-term damage to the child. Kids do best during divorce when parents minimize conflict, communicate well, and support the child's continued relationship with the other parent. Telling kids about adult issues like an affair puts them in the middle and causes mistrust with BOTH parents.

NP. I think a young child doesn’t need to know about cheating, but teens definitely should. They will have enormous trust issues with your approach too, speaking from a personal perspective. Age-appropriate transparency is best.

OP here, to be fair, he won’t have to tell her, but he’s going to be the one to tell her it’s his choice to break up the family. She already is irritated with him as he’s never there/here.

And why doesn’t she need to know why? He’s choosing another family over the family he made and is supposed to be a part of. AP has a child as far as I know. He choosing that kid over his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're choosing to keep from him the fact you know about the affair--and that's a smart thing to do while you're consulting with attorneys, gathering whatever documents and info you need, and ensuring he can't drain accounts, etc. But in the meantime, are you and he still having sex? If so, I'd develop a "female problem" to avoid sex. And I'd get an STI test immediately. To be blunt, when a spouse is a cheater, it means the cheated-on spouse is effectively exposed to not only the AP but to anyone else the AP has had sex with. I know someone who caught an STI from her cheating DH, which he eventually admitted he'd caught fron the AP...or maybe from a work trip one night stand. Horndogs are going to think they're invincible....

Who knows how many other people both the AP and the cheating DH have been with? Protect yourself, and ensure your kid has a healthy mom, by getting tested an

Sex isn’t a problem. We were geographically separate for many months, which I suspect is when he met AP. I’ve since moved to where he is but he’s never home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

OP, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I have been there and I can imagine how difficult it is. But please don't bring the child into it. Yes, they will eventually know you are divorcing (if that's where you're heading) but they DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHY. It will feel good in the moment but it could cause a lot of long-term damage to the child. Kids do best during divorce when parents minimize conflict, communicate well, and support the child's continued relationship with the other parent. Telling kids about adult issues like an affair puts them in the middle and causes mistrust with BOTH parents.

NP. I think a young child doesn’t need to know about cheating, but teens definitely should. They will have enormous trust issues with your approach too, speaking from a personal perspective. Age-appropriate transparency is best.

OP here, to be fair, he won’t have to tell her, but he’s going to be the one to tell her it’s his choice to break up the family. She already is irritated with him as he’s never there/here.

And why doesn’t she need to know why? He’s choosing another family over the family he made and is supposed to be a part of. AP has a child as far as I know. He choosing that kid over his own.

I'm not an expert, but shouldn't you be working on emotionally detaching while you "do the 180"? You're using this time to plan your next steps, but you're not planning them from a place of logic or calm. You're reacting just as angrily as if you'd gotten into a screaming match with him the moment you found out.

Sorry your husband is a dbag. Seriously. But if you truly believe that this affair means he's choosing another family over your daughter, then YOU have to choose to put your daughter first, because she deserves one parent who will. And putting her first means protecting her from being in the middle of her parents' worst moments, making this transition as calm and smooth as possible, and showing her a mom who handles adversity with strength and grace. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He magically made it home about a half hour before I would normally be getting up for my morning workout. I won’t let him know I know what time he came in.

Sounds like he wants to get caught.

Probably. But I’m not giving him that luxury. He’s going to have to tell me and his child.

OP, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I have been there and I can imagine how difficult it is. But please don't bring the child into it. Yes, they will eventually know you are divorcing (if that's where you're heading) but they DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHY. It will feel good in the moment but it could cause a lot of long-term damage to the child. Kids do best during divorce when parents minimize conflict, communicate well, and support the child's continued relationship with the other parent. Telling kids about adult issues like an affair puts them in the middle and causes mistrust with BOTH parents.

NP. I think a young child doesn’t need to know about cheating, but teens definitely should. They will have enormous trust issues with your approach too, speaking from a personal perspective. Age-appropriate transparency is best.

OP here, to be fair, he won’t have to tell her, but he’s going to be the one to tell her it’s his choice to break up the family. She already is irritated with him as he’s never there/here.

And why doesn’t she need to know why? He’s choosing another family over the family he made and is supposed to be a part of. AP has a child as far as I know. He choosing that kid over his own.

OP what’s your plan here?