Is this an American mom thing or specific to my kids school?

[Anonymous]

I had to find "my people" among the mom friends before those conversations started to happen. Admittedly, that took awhile. The preschool moms were particularly uptight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like private school.

op - it is. is that the issue?
private schools in the uk are much cheaper so maybe different vibe slightly.

If you are at an expensive school with competitive admissions policies you are going to run into a lot of competitive type A parents. The parents at my kids' public school are much more likely to commiserate about the dumb things their kids do than attempt to offer advice.

+1 ppl do offer advice depending on the relationship, time of conversation etc. but definitely not a long-winded "diatribe" about someone else who's doing parenting perfectly. Ppl are pretty open about parenting, juggling work, etc being a challenge and a work in progress. It's very "real."

[Anonymous]

I think it is cultural and if you want to make friends and connections, a barrier you’ll have to overcome yourself.

I think people want to be helpful as their way to connect with you. Maybe you can try saying you’re just venting about this issue. Maybe open up with saying you’re looking for solidarity and not advice.

(See here, I’m giving you advice instead of standing in solidarity with you! Sorry, I am trying to be helpful.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:US has a more individual-effort and community-effort culture than UK. People take action to achieve goals, not just moan about it and wait for the government to eventually wander by and fix things.

When someone here hears you have a problem, they assume you want to improve your situation if you can, and are willing to try something.

maybe learn to spell 'wonder' before you denigrate an entire nation of people for being subpar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:US has a more individual-effort and community-effort culture than UK. People take action to achieve goals, not just moan about it and wait for the government to eventually wander by and fix things.

When someone here hears you have a problem, they assume you want to improve your situation if you can, and are willing to try something.

maybe learn to spell 'wonder' before you denigrate an entire nation of people for being subpar.

op - sadly this person spelled 'wander' correctly but is still TA for reasons you mention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like private school.

op - it is. is that the issue?
private schools in the uk are much cheaper so maybe different vibe slightly.

If you are at an expensive school with competitive admissions policies you are going to run into a lot of competitive type A parents. The parents at my kids' public school are much more likely to commiserate about the dumb things their kids do than attempt to offer advice.

DP: I agree with this assessment (though not that it is a public/private school thing) -- it about personality, not being American. You have encountered a particular group that is used to solving problems; they probably do it for a living, and so their reaction is reflex. Also, they are competitive, so they will not share or show anything that could be mistaken for personal weakness, even when it's just normal everyday stuff. They operate a lot from fear -- imposter syndrome, fear of being taken advantage of, fear of public embarrassment, fear of dropping down a peg, fear of failure. These types are everywhere (in the UK too), and yes, they can appear in concentration in certain private schools and in certain public school districts.

But if you step back from them and look around, you will find the rest of us in the same places.

^^accurate!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a DC thing where many of us have wonky policy backgrounds and see parenting as a series of problems to be solved. I think you just have to keep trying and find your people. I have one mom friend who I enjoy because we have the same perspective on schools - we’re both kind if tiger-parenty, which is VERY frowned upon in our neighborhood (apparently you’re supposed to go straight from “play based” schools to your child being naturally “advanced,” with no effort). I have another mom friend who shares my take on the nature of tween boys. But a lot of mom friends in between where I would never broach any parenting subject at all, because I don’t know what’s a hot issue with them.

Another cultural aspect is that Americans don’t always understand “taking the piss” … especially about kids! That’s my form of humor personally (maybe thanks to Grandma from Dover?) but a lot of Americans don’t get it. If I heard you complain about your youtuber kids I would get it! But there are a lot of, erm, humor impaired people around here.

op - haha you get it!
yes i find if i ever do the british thing of being honest (eg saying that some of my kids art is terrible and deserves to go in the bin immediately) I get a lot of raised eyebrows.

omg I would laugh. that’s almost a litmus test for who to be friends with.

[Anonymous]

Remember who saved Europe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a DC thing where many of us have wonky policy backgrounds and see parenting as a series of problems to be solved. I think you just have to keep trying and find your people. I have one mom friend who I enjoy because we have the same perspective on schools - we’re both kind if tiger-parenty, which is VERY frowned upon in our neighborhood (apparently you’re supposed to go straight from “play based” schools to your child being naturally “advanced,” with no effort). I have another mom friend who shares my take on the nature of tween boys. But a lot of mom friends in between where I would never broach any parenting subject at all, because I don’t know what’s a hot issue with them.

Another cultural aspect is that Americans don’t always understand “taking the piss” … especially about kids! That’s my form of humor personally (maybe thanks to Grandma from Dover?) but a lot of Americans don’t get it. If I heard you complain about your youtuber kids I would get it! But there are a lot of, erm, humor impaired people around here.

op - haha you get it!
yes i find if i ever do the british thing of being honest (eg saying that some of my kids art is terrible and deserves to go in the bin immediately) I get a lot of raised eyebrows.

I would want to sit by you at the next parent event!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remember who saved Europe

This is not a good personality to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember who saved Europe

This is not a good personality to have.

It’s a joke!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a DC thing where many of us have wonky policy backgrounds and see parenting as a series of problems to be solved. I think you just have to keep trying and find your people. I have one mom friend who I enjoy because we have the same perspective on schools - we’re both kind if tiger-parenty, which is VERY frowned upon in our neighborhood (apparently you’re supposed to go straight from “play based” schools to your child being naturally “advanced,” with no effort). I have another mom friend who shares my take on the nature of tween boys. But a lot of mom friends in between where I would never broach any parenting subject at all, because I don’t know what’s a hot issue with them.

Another cultural aspect is that Americans don’t always understand “taking the piss” … especially about kids! That’s my form of humor personally (maybe thanks to Grandma from Dover?) but a lot of Americans don’t get it. If I heard you complain about your youtuber kids I would get it! But there are a lot of, erm, humor impaired people around here.

op - haha you get it!
yes i find if i ever do the british thing of being honest (eg saying that some of my kids art is terrible and deserves to go in the bin immediately) I get a lot of raised eyebrows.

I would want to sit by you at the next parent event!

op - aww thank you. I really do need some more friends!
I think the moms like me I just think their impression is that I'm funny but hopeless/ hapless and constantly looking for their help whereas the truth is I'm just trying to find someone funny or empathic who I can laugh about this stuff with or commiserate.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s cultural. Americans are more focused on fixing problems than commiserating and trying to one up each other on how messed up their kids are. That may come in time with a close friend, but not a brand new acquaintance who isn’t going to let their guard down that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:US has a more individual-effort and community-effort culture than UK. People take action to achieve goals, not just moan about it and wait for the government to eventually wander by and fix things.

When someone here hears you have a problem, they assume you want to improve your situation if you can, and are willing to try something.

maybe learn to spell 'wonder' before you denigrate an entire nation of people for being subpar.

Why would you think they meant “wonder by’? That makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:US has a more individual-effort and community-effort culture than UK. People take action to achieve goals, not just moan about it and wait for the government to eventually wander by and fix things.

When someone here hears you have a problem, they assume you want to improve your situation if you can, and are willing to try something.

maybe learn to spell 'wonder' before you denigrate an entire nation of people for being subpar.

Whut?