Middleaged women and smut

[Anonymous]

Omg me too! Same age. Except I am reading a ton of gay romances - the dynamics aren’t as irritating to me and more men is just even hotter - and it makes me even hornier. I have a fantastic marriage and this has made my sex life hotter. I’ll be sad if it’s going to be a nosedive into a dead libido after this. I read these smutty books and we’ve been having sex 2-3 times a day, after a billion years of marriage (and I have little kids). Why is that bad?? Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg me too! Same age. Except I am reading a ton of gay romances - the dynamics aren’t as irritating to me and more men is just even hotter - and it makes me even hornier. I have a fantastic marriage and this has made my sex life hotter. I’ll be sad if it’s going to be a nosedive into a dead libido after this. I read these smutty books and we’ve been having sex 2-3 times a day, after a billion years of marriage (and I have little kids). Why is that bad?? Enjoy!

😀 am happy for you, but not in the same boat sadly. any recommendations on gay romances? i think i would need a female protagonist to relate, but now i am curious if that is really a requirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does "married (technically)" mean?

My take is you would have been interested in this stuff before if you weren't so focused on other goals.

It's not a hormone surge. Your brain is bored and enjoys this stuff and it's easier to read than arrange for it to be enacted in real life.

Don't be embarrassed about it. The material is repetitive. You'll eventually get bored of it and find a different hobby.

It means I actually at one time did arrange for it to be enacted and am suffering the consequences (we are middle aged now and totally unsuited to each other).

You are correct that I read a lot of this rubbish as a bored teenager and am embarrassed to find myself in that place even after everything I have seen/ learned.

Omg girl, I am PP. I delight to find evidence of my younger self cropping up. I have fallen down a video game rabbit hole and a fanfiction rabbit hole in the last 10 years. Both incredibly juvenile compared to professional, serious mom me.

Go watch the Miley Cyrus "Used to be Young" video and relax a little. Think about how old she is now and have a laugh. As I said, your brain will eventually get bored and move on. A smart woman knows that books are a low commitment way to vicariously experience life. I doubt it's hormonal...more related to life boredom and relationship drought. Harmless fun. Read away.

[Anonymous]

I mean, I’m just here for book and smut recommendations! - 40year old mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I’m just here for book and smut recommendations! - 40year old mom

Same. 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg me too! Same age. Except I am reading a ton of gay romances - the dynamics aren’t as irritating to me and more men is just even hotter - and it makes me even hornier. I have a fantastic marriage and this has made my sex life hotter. I’ll be sad if it’s going to be a nosedive into a dead libido after this. I read these smutty books and we’ve been having sex 2-3 times a day, after a billion years of marriage (and I have little kids). Why is that bad?? Enjoy!

😀 am happy for you, but not in the same boat sadly. any recommendations on gay romances? i think i would need a female protagonist to relate, but now i am curious if that is really a requirement.

I went through a gay romance phase and it was quite hot. Start with Riley Hart. Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the last surge of your reproductive system and hormones. Post-menopause, whenever that is for you, you are unlikely to feel this way. Lean into it, it’s natural to feel this way!

Nah. A post-menopausal friend and I talk about all the sex in shows these days like Normal People, Sex/Life, etc whenever we get together. I will read and watch “smut” until I die, and I didn’t start until late 40s. If anything, I think it’s more essential post-menopause.

[Anonymous]

I’m ^^ and why would you be embarrassed? We have bodies and desires. I also read both 2023 Pulitzer Prize winners. We can be multifaceted.

[Anonymous]

55 and horny as heck and always ready to pounce on the first available bod lol....I'm not coupled or married so it's even more difficult to wade through this point in my life where I am just as sexually vibrant as I was 30 years ago, so reading and movies are my outlet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the last surge of your reproductive system and hormones. Post-menopause, whenever that is for you, you are unlikely to feel this way. Lean into it, it’s natural to feel this way!

Thank you. From your mouth to God's ear! Cannot happen quickly enough to suit me.

I'm in menopause, and I like to read smutty historical romance novels. It's my escape. The real world sucks. Who wants to read something that makes me sad or angry. Give me smut and romance.

I'm a boring, straight and narrow person. Smutty romance novels are my only real vice, and porn geared towards women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg me too! Same age. Except I am reading a ton of gay romances - the dynamics aren’t as irritating to me and more men is just even hotter - and it makes me even hornier. I have a fantastic marriage and this has made my sex life hotter. I’ll be sad if it’s going to be a nosedive into a dead libido after this. I read these smutty books and we’ve been having sex 2-3 times a day, after a billion years of marriage (and I have little kids). Why is that bad?? Enjoy!

😀 am happy for you, but not in the same boat sadly. any recommendations on gay romances? i think i would need a female protagonist to relate, but now i am curious if that is really a requirement.

NP who can’t pass the opportunity for romance recs:

If you like historical romance:
-KJ Charles. She has series set from Regency to early 20th century. My favorites are Proper English (f/f) and Think of England (m/m), but they are all good.

-Cat Sebastian. My favorite is Hither Page, but I like pretty much everything she’s written.

For contemporary romance, Heated Rivalry by Rachel Reid is amazing about two hockey players on different teams. It’s part of a series.

Adriana Herrera’s American Dreamer series are all good.

Alexis Hall writes in a number of genres, but his contemporary For Real is my favorite. Boyfriend Material is probably the most popular.

Roan Parrish’s Better than People is a good contemporary that is an easy read. I liked the whole series. I think their other series are also good but more angsty (although it’s been a while since I’ve read them).

Rebekah Weatherspoon’s Treasure is a super hot f/f. She writes incredibly sexy m/f as well.

TJ Klune’s books often have a fantasy element, although some are straight contemporary. Wolfsong is my favorite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m ^^ and why would you be embarrassed? We have bodies and desires. I also read both 2023 Pulitzer Prize winners. We can be multifaceted.

I've been thinking about your question. Embarrassment is maybe not the right word. dislike? discomfort? disdain?

i think it is a combination of:
1-book snobbery. this has been the main identity that has stayed constant for me all my life. my closest friends, spouse, child name etc all came to me via my love of books. beside my bed, i have two piles of books. the books i want to read and the ones i actually am reading. suddenly, i feel like the coffee gourmand who is hooked on instant. If, like you, i was reading both types of books, I would just accept this as one of my tastes. But it is the only taste I have these days. Bleh.
2-my other great love is for self-pity. i feel like i am obsessing over the one thing I don't have. i've been so fortunate in so many areas of my life, fixating on this aspect of life feels like a determination to be unhappy. It's a little horrifying to me, to imagine this as anything but a temporary hormonal phase i am going through. Because i will never stop picking at that hurt.
3-like any other 40 something mom, i am crucified by work/child raising/domestic drudgery. spending the little bit of disposable time and attention that i do have, on emotional junk food (for me, anyway) results in me spending the rest of my day brooding on rubbish instead of say, poetry.

Am not judging anyone else. Obviously.

Thanks for responding everyone! And please keep the recommendations coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I’m just here for book and smut recommendations! - 40year old mom

Same. 😂

Another one here. I cannot believe OP posted this without recommendations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m ^^ and why would you be embarrassed? We have bodies and desires. I also read both 2023 Pulitzer Prize winners. We can be multifaceted.

I've been thinking about your question. Embarrassment is maybe not the right word. dislike? discomfort? disdain?

i think it is a combination of:
1-book snobbery. this has been the main identity that has stayed constant for me all my life. my closest friends, spouse, child name etc all came to me via my love of books. beside my bed, i have two piles of books. the books i want to read and the ones i actually am reading. suddenly, i feel like the coffee gourmand who is hooked on instant. If, like you, i was reading both types of books, I would just accept this as one of my tastes. But it is the only taste I have these days. Bleh.
2-my other great love is for self-pity. i feel like i am obsessing over the one thing I don't have. i've been so fortunate in so many areas of my life, fixating on this aspect of life feels like a determination to be unhappy. It's a little horrifying to me, to imagine this as anything but a temporary hormonal phase i am going through. Because i will never stop picking at that hurt.
3-like any other 40 something mom, i am crucified by work/child raising/domestic drudgery. spending the little bit of disposable time and attention that i do have, on emotional junk food (for me, anyway) results in me spending the rest of my day brooding on rubbish instead of say, poetry.

Am not judging anyone else. Obviously.

Thanks for responding everyone! And please keep the recommendations coming.

I'm pp and you're being really hard on yourself. I get it because I judge myself too harshly too, but I'm getting to the point where I'm finally trying to be me. I've always been a romantic at heart, and it sounds like you, I've always lived in my head. I, too, thought literary fiction was the only way. But, then I admitted to myself I didn't get much joy from it. I like more plot driven books, and that's what I want to read. I like to think there are seasons in my life, and that's okay. I can change my mind at any point. It helps for me to tell myself the truth: honestly I probably am never going to really like or read poetry. But, that doesn't mean anything about me except that I don't like that genre.

Midlife is very hard and that emotional junk food, i.e. self care is the path forward. Perimenopause, work, the sandwich generation takes it's toll. I've been so irritable for six months that I've hunkered down and just read and watched junk TV. Let's not forget the state of the world too. We just agreed in our book group (where I read one of the Pulitizers) that we will only read easy peasy, nothing too emotional or hard this fall because nobody can handle it rn.

So, give yourself a break and let's just focus on which smutty books we love most!

[Anonymous]

Ask your doctor to have your testosterone levels checked. When women have high testosterone, which can happen for a variety of reasons before, during or after menopause, they become unusually interested in sex. That can be a good thing but high testosterone also can indicate a serious hormone problem, especially when it is generated by the ovaries or an ovarian tumor but also when it is generated by the adrenals.