should kids be punished due to parents' actions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a soccer league that ejects the coach if a parent gets a red card.

in travel, the coach is expected to control the parents. The coach gets carded if the parents cross the line. For some leagues, the club will also be fined

I wish baseball would do the same. Toss the coach if that horrible baseball mom or dad won't stop chirping at the umpire

In softball this is the clear expectation. Coach is responsible for parents.

+1

On my son’s baseball team, the expectations are made crystal clear at the parent meeting at the beginning of the season- one warning, 2nd offense is removal of your child from the team. Also this type of behavior will get your kid blackballed - the coaches do talk- travel ball is a relatively small world and wors gets around. I feel really bad for kids with parents like this.

I'm talking about the ref or ump in the middle of the game.

that's what different than a coach dealing with a parent after a game

[Anonymous]

OP here, it's softball. The parent is horrible. She's been horrible all season. We like the kid and we want her to have a good experience. We want all our girls to have a good time. (We are a rec league made up of over 100 girls.)

The parent in question was team mom/sometime asst coach. After a few weeks of snotty behavior, she Mom2 her kid sucks and that's why she doesn't get playing time. Mom 2 threatens with violence. All of this happened in front of their daughters.

Board meets with both moms a couple of days later. Mom 2 is super apologetic, sincere, remorseful, embarrassed etc. Team mom was given a couple of opportunities to "correct" what she meant, and to apologize. She doubled down and again repeated 2x your daughter sucks and she'll never be a pitcher.

I don't care how parents feel about each other or the girls, frankly, as long as they're civil, supportive, positive and keep their mouths shut. But for a team mom/asst coach to tell a parent 3x, with the kid hearing once, her kid is terrible, our board wouldn't tolerate, so we fired her from the position. Both moms were suspended for the next game. Mom 2 stayed away. Ex-team mom not only showed up and perched herself in the visitor stands, she went out onto the field to take pictures (supposedly for the team scrapbook).

This team mom has stated 2x in the past that the board will not punish her for x, y, z... long stories, but truly b-tchy, but not punishable, things. So we know she's just openly defiant and the only way we can shut her up is to bench her kid.

We hate doing it, but have no other recourse. What are we going to call the cops if she shows up? That's insane. If we let it go, the other parents know there aren't repercussions to being an a-hole, and their girls don't feel protected.

So, the FFS poster, what do you suggest doing if not punishing the kid?

PS we did it. We let her know the kid is suspended. There's been radio silence which suggests to me this lady and kid are going to show up to practice tonight and cause a scene. I'm totally unprepared in what to do. I've never before worked with such an evil entitled person that will be so openly defiant. I don't even know how to handle it when she shows up. I'm not going to say "hey kids, don't throw to Iris, pretend she's not here". But I also refuse to let this woman bully her way out of punishment. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Also, parents are given code of conduct. Volunteers are given code of conduct. All are signed pre-season, with punishments laid out. She signed the form. Heck, she was in charge of having all parents sign the form. She knows what's coming. She also knows our hands are tied in enforcing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, it's softball. The parent is horrible. She's been horrible all season. We like the kid and we want her to have a good experience. We want all our girls to have a good time. (We are a rec league made up of over 100 girls.)

The parent in question was team mom/sometime asst coach. After a few weeks of snotty behavior, she Mom2 her kid sucks and that's why she doesn't get playing time. Mom 2 threatens with violence. All of this happened in front of their daughters.

Board meets with both moms a couple of days later. Mom 2 is super apologetic, sincere, remorseful, embarrassed etc. Team mom was given a couple of opportunities to "correct" what she meant, and to apologize. She doubled down and again repeated 2x your daughter sucks and she'll never be a pitcher.

I don't care how parents feel about each other or the girls, frankly, as long as they're civil, supportive, positive and keep their mouths shut. But for a team mom/asst coach to tell a parent 3x, with the kid hearing once, her kid is terrible, our board wouldn't tolerate, so we fired her from the position. Both moms were suspended for the next game. Mom 2 stayed away. Ex-team mom not only showed up and perched herself in the visitor stands, she went out onto the field to take pictures (supposedly for the team scrapbook).

This team mom has stated 2x in the past that the board will not punish her for x, y, z... long stories, but truly b-tchy, but not punishable, things. So we know she's just openly defiant and the only way we can shut her up is to bench her kid.

We hate doing it, but have no other recourse. What are we going to call the cops if she shows up? That's insane. If we let it go, the other parents know there aren't repercussions to being an a-hole, and their girls don't feel protected.

So, the FFS poster, what do you suggest doing if not punishing the kid?

PS we did it. We let her know the kid is suspended. There's been radio silence which suggests to me this lady and kid are going to show up to practice tonight and cause a scene. I'm totally unprepared in what to do. I've never before worked with such an evil entitled person that will be so openly defiant. I don't even know how to handle it when she shows up. I'm not going to say "hey kids, don't throw to Iris, pretend she's not here". But I also refuse to let this woman bully her way out of punishment. What would you do?

I would def ask for a league authority to be present at practice tonight in case she shows up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, it's softball. The parent is horrible. She's been horrible all season. We like the kid and we want her to have a good experience. We want all our girls to have a good time. (We are a rec league made up of over 100 girls.)

The parent in question was team mom/sometime asst coach. After a few weeks of snotty behavior, she Mom2 her kid sucks and that's why she doesn't get playing time. Mom 2 threatens with violence. All of this happened in front of their daughters.

Board meets with both moms a couple of days later. Mom 2 is super apologetic, sincere, remorseful, embarrassed etc. Team mom was given a couple of opportunities to "correct" what she meant, and to apologize. She doubled down and again repeated 2x your daughter sucks and she'll never be a pitcher.

I don't care how parents feel about each other or the girls, frankly, as long as they're civil, supportive, positive and keep their mouths shut. But for a team mom/asst coach to tell a parent 3x, with the kid hearing once, her kid is terrible, our board wouldn't tolerate, so we fired her from the position. Both moms were suspended for the next game. Mom 2 stayed away. Ex-team mom not only showed up and perched herself in the visitor stands, she went out onto the field to take pictures (supposedly for the team scrapbook).

This team mom has stated 2x in the past that the board will not punish her for x, y, z... long stories, but truly b-tchy, but not punishable, things. So we know she's just openly defiant and the only way we can shut her up is to bench her kid.

We hate doing it, but have no other recourse. What are we going to call the cops if she shows up? That's insane. If we let it go, the other parents know there aren't repercussions to being an a-hole, and their girls don't feel protected.

So, the FFS poster, what do you suggest doing if not punishing the kid?

PS we did it. We let her know the kid is suspended. There's been radio silence which suggests to me this lady and kid are going to show up to practice tonight and cause a scene. I'm totally unprepared in what to do. I've never before worked with such an evil entitled person that will be so openly defiant. I don't even know how to handle it when she shows up. I'm not going to say "hey kids, don't throw to Iris, pretend she's not here". But I also refuse to let this woman bully her way out of punishment. What would you do?

I would def ask for a league authority to be present at practice tonight in case she shows up.

I've been on the board of a sports club. We would probably have suspended both moms for a game. When mom 1 returned, we would have kicked her out for a season. If she came back again, we would remove her kid from the team for the season. If she came back again, he would kick her kid out of all of our leagues which would mean no local softball or basketball or volleyball. The league needs to escalate at the same time she does and the need to be willing to have the police tresspass her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, it's softball. The parent is horrible. She's been horrible all season. We like the kid and we want her to have a good experience. We want all our girls to have a good time. (We are a rec league made up of over 100 girls.)

The parent in question was team mom/sometime asst coach. After a few weeks of snotty behavior, she Mom2 her kid sucks and that's why she doesn't get playing time. Mom 2 threatens with violence. All of this happened in front of their daughters.

Board meets with both moms a couple of days later. Mom 2 is super apologetic, sincere, remorseful, embarrassed etc. Team mom was given a couple of opportunities to "correct" what she meant, and to apologize. She doubled down and again repeated 2x your daughter sucks and she'll never be a pitcher.

I don't care how parents feel about each other or the girls, frankly, as long as they're civil, supportive, positive and keep their mouths shut. But for a team mom/asst coach to tell a parent 3x, with the kid hearing once, her kid is terrible, our board wouldn't tolerate, so we fired her from the position. Both moms were suspended for the next game. Mom 2 stayed away. Ex-team mom not only showed up and perched herself in the visitor stands, she went out onto the field to take pictures (supposedly for the team scrapbook).

This team mom has stated 2x in the past that the board will not punish her for x, y, z... long stories, but truly b-tchy, but not punishable, things. So we know she's just openly defiant and the only way we can shut her up is to bench her kid.

We hate doing it, but have no other recourse. What are we going to call the cops if she shows up? That's insane. If we let it go, the other parents know there aren't repercussions to being an a-hole, and their girls don't feel protected.

So, the FFS poster, what do you suggest doing if not punishing the kid?

PS we did it. We let her know the kid is suspended. There's been radio silence which suggests to me this lady and kid are going to show up to practice tonight and cause a scene. I'm totally unprepared in what to do. I've never before worked with such an evil entitled person that will be so openly defiant. I don't even know how to handle it when she shows up. I'm not going to say "hey kids, don't throw to Iris, pretend she's not here". But I also refuse to let this woman bully her way out of punishment. What would you do?

I would def ask for a league authority to be present at practice tonight in case she shows up.

This. Also have your permits printed out as well as the communication suspending her. Be willing to call the police

[Anonymous]

OP be very careful with this person.

They will do everything they can to engage you so they can sue you and the league.

I have dealt with a parent like this a little while back.

MAGA awfulness. Just horrific. We know this because they brought that garbage into their spewing otherwise I would not have mentioned it here.

They know how to push buttons.

Get a league person with you. In our case we also had an officer show up as our person was extremely threatening.

The police deterred them they went to another league to continue to be a complete ass. Next they moved OOS to Tennessee to be with "better people".

It was not lost on me that their child suffers here. UGH.

[Anonymous]

op here, I am the league authority. Well, one of them anyway. I'm on the board. We're pretty much all inexperienced in dealing with such audacity, but we know we don't want our coaches responsible for handling it. The league's pres and vp will be there all week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here, I am the league authority. Well, one of them anyway. I'm on the board. We're pretty much all inexperienced in dealing with such audacity, but we know we don't want our coaches responsible for handling it. The league's pres and vp will be there all week.

Call the non emergency police number and ask what to do. They may be willing to send an officer to force her to leave or arrest her if she won’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here, I am the league authority. Well, one of them anyway. I'm on the board. We're pretty much all inexperienced in dealing with such audacity, but we know we don't want our coaches responsible for handling it. The league's pres and vp will be there all week.

Hey OP, I'm on the board of a softball league (gotta assume not yours, since I don't know this story). I know 100% what our board would do.

1. Fire the coach.
2. Email the whole team. Tell them to have someone else step up and team mom. Otherwise the team gets punished for the parents not stepping up by not having a team mom. If it's a required position, then the team gets dissolved if no one steps up. Our league doesn't require team moms/managers, but I think LL does?
3. Kid can show up to the games and play normally according to whatever fair play rules you have, if any, but if mom shows up on the field then the kid gets benched. As in - she better be dropping off and picking up and that's it. If she tries to stick around for anything, kid is out. If they don't take it gracefully, trespass as stated above.

We had an assistant coach who was not officially fired but was sharply reprimanded for behavior (not even as bad as what you say! But bad enough) last season. He and his kid just stopped attending. Admittedly he was ashamed, which it sounds like this woman is not, but the league didn't end up punishing the kid - the parent sort of did.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all for your suggestions and comments and for sharing your own experiences.

Pulling our permits and correspondence was a super idea in case we do need to call any authorities. I doubt this mom feels any shame at all, but hopefully she will just remain quiet and take advantage of a week w/o practice.

[Anonymous]

OP, please provide an update. Did she show up to practice last night?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, please provide an update. Did she show up to practice last night?

OP here, she did not. She emailed a response to the 2nd penalty a few hours before practice started, arguing the decision, so I'm pleasantly surprised she actually followed the request. Crisis averted.

Another assistant also missed, with her kid, maybe in solidarity. But per the head coach, it was the most peaceful and productive practice they've had all season. So this makes me happy the other team members may see what this should actually be like.

The hardest part of running a league is dealing with parents. We've been on leagues with power tripping boards, so we're really trying not to be that either, which maybe got us into this situation to begin with. We're still new, just wrapping up our 2nd full year (4th season) and even though most of us have been coaching or had kids in the sport for up to 25 years, none of us have ever run a league before. It was bound to happen, and I'm sure won't be the last time, but I hope as we gain experience, situations like this will be simpler to deal with.

[Anonymous]

It's not the team punishing the kid. The parent is abusing their kid by their uncivilized behavior which is almost certainly even worse at home.

It's not the team or league's job to rescue the child at the cost of receiving the parent's abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not the team punishing the kid. The parent is abusing their kid by their uncivilized behavior which is almost certainly even worse at home.

It's not the team or league's job to rescue the child at the cost of receiving the parent's abuse.

I know what you're saying, but this is a really sad attitude.

The league can't fix much (and should consider reporting if they see evidence of anything a mandated reporter would have to report), but they can try to offer the kid a space not to deal with that by saying the kid can still come and practice/play even if mom can't.