Sibling interfering with playdates?

[Anonymous]

Check in with the other parent about what time they expect their child back, whether it’s a pre-arranged or last minute play date. If mom says she needs to be home by 5 and sister comes around at 3:30, I would send her away and say the girls are still playing and little sister will be home at 5. Or text the mom to see. I wouldn’t let the girl leave without checking with a parent! It sounds like older sister is a bully and I would definitely step in.

[Anonymous]

YOU are the one who excluded the older sister… and are now complaining that she retaliated the same way.

[Anonymous]

I think you were right to mention it to the mom once. If it keeps happening, it is what it is. Take the kids somewhere else when you have a playdate for them, and all other times are at the whim of the neighborhood posse.

[Anonymous]

Neighborhood friends are great to have, so I wouldn’t give up so easily. The next time you have a the girl over, provide an “end time” to the Mom. Then, if older sister shows up before that time, tell her you want to check with her Mom on the plans because younger sister was supposed to go home at X time. Older sister may quickly change her tune.

[Anonymous]

That sucks but i'll be honest. I don't do any work in setting up 'play dates' for neighborhood friends.
That is kid of the point of having neighborhood friends no? Just hanging out when you can and want to.
I couldn't imagine having to micromanage that and am so glad my kids just run around with friends and come and go from houses as they please.
If they are working for you great. Plan an outing like others have suggested or get a Ring doorbell adn don't answer when the sister comes looking for her.
Do you think the friend is ASKING the sister to come bail her out of the playdate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YOU are the one who excluded the older sister… and are now complaining that she retaliated the same way.

Wait. Now if your kid invites their friend over to play and doesn’t include their siblings that’s considered excluding? Are kids seriously not allowed to have their own friends these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YOU are the one who excluded the older sister… and are now complaining that she retaliated the same way.

Three is a crowd. Usually two pair up and leave one out. OP doesn’t have to tolerate this in her house if the uninvited sister does this to her daughter.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like the friend is asking the sister to come get her after a certain time to be honest.

Either put in the work and make these 'formal' with start/end times with the mom, or enjoy the ebb/flow of neighborhood friends playing with eachother.

Sometimes my kid plays for 10 minutes at a friends, sometimes 4 hours. Same when they come here. They run from house to house or yard to yard playing.

DOn't over think this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or take the kids somewhere for the play date, like a park or mini golf. Somewhere the sister can’t walk over.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:oof- is it weird that my reaction is "so she's your oldest or only kid"

No, mine too.

I wouldn’t care OP. It’s a neighborhood play date within walking distance, let it go. There isn’t a hard and fast end time, at least not as a minimum.

Disagree. OP's family set aside time for this, it wasnt a random hangout where one kid dropped by. Leaving early because the big sister is bored/jealous disrespects OP's time that she held for the other kid. (Leaving early for a real reason or because the guest was unhappy would be fine. But sibling doesn't make that call.)

Agree to disagree. Unless you have to drive to/from the play date, I’ve never had a neighbourhood play date be this formal. The other mom might say, come over at 2, and I assume about 2 hours, but if my kid walked back home after an hour or so, big deal. They were done, for whatever reason.

I knew a neighborhood mom who wanted defined play date times and just rolled with it. Whatever.

[Anonymous]

This is really odd. How did the younger girl act these times her sister has shown up? Sad to leave or glad to see sis? How much older are the other girls?

[Anonymous]

Neighborhood playdates are NOT meant to be this formal at all.
You are risking alienating this family if you keep complaining because to be honest, you don't sound like it is worth the hassle.
If the kid wanted to stay she would. She leaves with the sister for a reason and making a big deal Larla didn't stay until you decided she could leave seems a bit odd for this type of situation.
Either plan an activity//event/location or just let this go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YOU are the one who excluded the older sister… and are now complaining that she retaliated the same way.

Wait. Now if your kid invites their friend over to play and doesn’t include their siblings that’s considered excluding? Are kids seriously not allowed to have their own friends these days?

There are crazy parents out there.

[Anonymous]

Crazy parents go both ways.
Some want to set start/stop times for casual meet ups.
Some want other kids included.
Some only want fruit given as a snack.

Then the rest of us are just enjoying the freedom of older elementary (3rd and up) kids have with neighborhood parks and friends and enjoying it.

If a friend left early, who cares. My kid has other things to do or has other friends in teh neighborhood to go hang with .

Between sports, dance, theater, club classes, our neighborhood kids are very busy. When free they go house to house to see who can play. We have 8 year olds playing with 6 year olds; 10 year olds playing wiht 7 year olds sometimes. A group of 2, a group of 8.
Who cares. If you want to play, do it. If not no biggie.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the poster who said that this is mostly your daughters situation to navigate. Sure, it doesn’t help to say to the older sister “oh, let me just double check with your mom first” and pick up your phone to see if you might call her bluff (might put an end to this real quick) when she shows up but we’re all doing our kids a disservice by micromanaging their neighborhood friendships at age 8.