How many people really care about us?

[Anonymous]

OP here and I wouldn't expect most family members to even care about me being in town, but to me my aunt and uncle were on the level of my grandparents I adored and who passed away long ago. I saw them as part of my inner circle of "people who truly, really care forever". So that's why it hurts. It's like the circle is getting smaller. And to people who say they shouldn't drop everything, I 100% understand that, but this is literally a very small trip change, leaving one day early from a long trip. It's something I'd do if I cared about someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no one op so I get it. Not one person cares about me. It's such a horrible feeling.

I care about you. Wish I knew who you were

That is meaningless. I'm a different poster who also has nobody. You're not going to pick me up from my surgery in a week and take me home. You're not going to make me soup when I'm sick. You won't invite me to go do fun things or try new restaurants. You're not someone I can call to discuss the intricacies of Baby Reindeer, or how the last family gathering went. You have to know someone to care about them.

I value every human life, whether I know them or not. You're wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you're sad about your aunt's message. I get it. That said, you're the one who moved away. Why must your aunt and uncle alter their vacation to suit your timeline?

They don't have to. It does tell me something about how they feel, as in one more day out of a month-vacation is more important to them than seeing us and especially my kids they see once a year tops. If it were a trip by plane, like firm booked hotel/flight plans, it'd be totally different for me because obviously their schedule doesn't revolve around ours and what's booked is booked. In this case it'd be very easy to just drive home a day early.

I hate to be blunt but I certainly don’t feel extra connected to my cousins children or my Aunts. If they have recitals or birthday parties, that’s wonderful but I do not feel a need to see them or be included in their day to day lives. I certainly would not come back a day early to see them if they said they were in town. It’s great that you would OP but that’s exceedingly rare in my experience.

To put it into perspective, how do you feel about your relatives kids? I’m sure there are relatives you feel closer to than others. But would you do the same for a relative?

OP, I empathize, but I agree with the PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and I wouldn't expect most family members to even care about me being in town, but to me my aunt and uncle were on the level of my grandparents I adored and who passed away long ago. I saw them as part of my inner circle of "people who truly, really care forever". So that's why it hurts. It's like the circle is getting smaller. And to people who say they shouldn't drop everything, I 100% understand that, but this is literally a very small trip change, leaving one day early from a long trip. It's something I'd do if I cared about someone.

The thing about life is that we admire and look up to people when we are young and as we age, the realities of life show us that everyone has faults. Just as you are living your life, so are they. Be happy they are alive and able to enjoy their years doing as they please. They likely made sacrifices for decades prior to this.

It’s ok OP. I think we all experience the realities of life at different points. It doesn’t mean they love you any less, it’s that they too are human and want to experience enjoyment and fun on their trip.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry. I have felt this way a lot over the past couple of years. I am lucky in that I do have some people who really care about me and my kids, but fewer than I thought I "should". I thought I was building community here and really I wasn't. For me, this disappointment has me feeling much more apathetic about national and global events, including elections. If hardly anyone cares about me, why should I care about them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no one op so I get it. Not one person cares about me. It's such a horrible feeling.

I care about you. Wish I knew who you were

That is meaningless. I'm a different poster who also has nobody. You're not going to pick me up from my surgery in a week and take me home. You're not going to make me soup when I'm sick. You won't invite me to go do fun things or try new restaurants. You're not someone I can call to discuss the intricacies of Baby Reindeer, or how the last family gathering went. You have to know someone to care about them.

I value every human life, whether I know them or not. You're wrong.

Your value doesn't translate to any substance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry. I have felt this way a lot over the past couple of years. I am lucky in that I do have some people who really care about me and my kids, but fewer than I thought I "should". I thought I was building community here and really I wasn't. For me, this disappointment has me feeling much more apathetic about national and global events, including elections. If hardly anyone cares about me, why should I care about them?

Thank you. I think as I am getting older I'm realizing people are inherently selfish, and while I don't mind and even like showing people I like them by making efforts, a lot of people won't ever make efforts for me, and do I really want non-reciprocal relationships? Would it be healthier to just be more self-centered and stop caring so much? It might be. I am feeling myself putting up more walls. I just didn't expect to feel that way with someone I felt that close to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no one op so I get it. Not one person cares about me. It's such a horrible feeling.

I care about you. Wish I knew who you were

That is meaningless. I'm a different poster who also has nobody. You're not going to pick me up from my surgery in a week and take me home. You're not going to make me soup when I'm sick. You won't invite me to go do fun things or try new restaurants. You're not someone I can call to discuss the intricacies of Baby Reindeer, or how the last family gathering went. You have to know someone to care about them.

I value every human life, whether I know them or not. You're wrong.

Your value doesn't translate to any substance.

It would if I knew you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry. I have felt this way a lot over the past couple of years. I am lucky in that I do have some people who really care about me and my kids, but fewer than I thought I "should". I thought I was building community here and really I wasn't. For me, this disappointment has me feeling much more apathetic about national and global events, including elections. If hardly anyone cares about me, why should I care about them?

The problem with “building community” is that most people want the same few spots, and won’t be satisfied with “just being included” after a certain point. I’ve been on both sides, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no one op so I get it. Not one person cares about me. It's such a horrible feeling.

I care about you. Wish I knew who you were

That is meaningless. I'm a different poster who also has nobody. You're not going to pick me up from my surgery in a week and take me home. You're not going to make me soup when I'm sick. You won't invite me to go do fun things or try new restaurants. You're not someone I can call to discuss the intricacies of Baby Reindeer, or how the last family gathering went. You have to know someone to care about them.

I value every human life, whether I know them or not. You're wrong.

Your value doesn't translate to any substance.

It would if I knew you.

Sorry, that's just not believable. And what with you NOT knowing anyone hear, my "it means nothing" still stands.

[Anonymous]

My husband is the only one that cares about me. My cats love me too.

[Anonymous]

You're the adult now. It's your turn to taken are of your beloved aunt. Or become a beloved aunt.

[Anonymous]

Since the pandemic, people have very little left over. They are overwhelmed and barely have time to get through things for themselves and immediate loved ones.

Yes, it is ok to be sad to realize certain friends or family members don't show up when you need them to. A lot of that has happened lately.

Take this as a moment to feel sad but also develop more relationships with those who have your back, and make sure to be there for them as well. I use it as an opportunity to find more people who have the capacity for others and keep those close who are always there when I need them.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way sometimes. We are always the planners and hosters but not much reciprocity.

I try not to care so much about reciprocity and just focus on being in the present. If I enjoy spending time with people then I consider it time well spent - who cares about whether they 'care about us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry. I have felt this way a lot over the past couple of years. I am lucky in that I do have some people who really care about me and my kids, but fewer than I thought I "should". I thought I was building community here and really I wasn't. For me, this disappointment has me feeling much more apathetic about national and global events, including elections. If hardly anyone cares about me, why should I care about them?

Thank you. I think as I am getting older I'm realizing people are inherently selfish, and while I don't mind and even like showing people I like them by making efforts, a lot of people won't ever make efforts for me, and do I really want non-reciprocal relationships? Would it be healthier to just be more self-centered and stop caring so much? It might be. I am feeling myself putting up more walls. I just didn't expect to feel that way with someone I felt that close to.

This is where I am. I am realizing more and more that people are just generally selfish and self-involved. I have an acquaintance who is always talking about how wonderful her village is, when in actuality it’s all the people who do a stuff for her that she never reciprocates. Where’s my village? Why am I always helping and never receiving.