Anyone else's kid graduating college without any social support network?

[Anonymous]

The pandemic made the college start rough. Add depression and anxiety to the mix and that is even worse. Hopefully, she will get the mental health support she needs and find her people out in the "real world."

I am sure you are very proud of her for persevering through and graduating. I am betting her transition into her career will be smoother than the last big one she made.

[Anonymous]

This class of seniors graduating right now really had a rough go of lasting impacts of the pandemic. Missed the end of their senior year and missed the first year of college, which is so pivotal. And let's be real, California leaned into covid restrictions. A kid who is inclined to struggle socially, it just really didn't help. I have a relative in this same situation.

Just here to say sorry OP and hopefully she will find her people in her 20s at a first job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's graduating from USC. And ironically, one of the two Ivies she turned down was Dartmouth (Penn was the other).

Too late now, but I'm not sure USC was the best choice for your daughter. It's a school for gregarious extroverts who want to be social media influencers.

💯 this for USC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The pandemic made the college start rough. Add depression and anxiety to the mix and that is even worse. Hopefully, she will get the mental health support she needs and find her people out in the "real world."

I am sure you are very proud of her for persevering through and graduating. I am betting her transition into her career will be smoother than the last big one she made.

NP. Agree with this. I know a little of how you are feeling, OP. Mine also doesn't have any friend group from HS. Had 2 close friends, but 1 dropped her because she was horrified that DD was friends with the other, and the other told her she didn't prioritize him enough because she didn't answer texts fast enough. Ugh. First year of college was lonely, but then she found her people late in the year. Much smaller campus that USC. Also saw a counselor through the school which has helped immensely.
I hope yours can try some therapy and you all can look forward to a new chapter. Maybe this next part will be the "best " time for her.
PS. Mine turned down Dartmouth too. That first poster's supposition was bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Turning down dartmouth for usc is crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Turning down dartmouth for usc is crazy

I think USC gives a ton of $$$s for NMSF/President Scholar kids, regardless of financial need.

I think it's hard to turn down USC for $40k vs. Dartmouth for $85k, especially if you get depressed by the cold and reduced sunlight.

[Anonymous]

This was me. I found better friends after moving for work. My first job also had a lot of older ladies (non profit).

My DC is going to graduate early with a dual degree. I told DC that if they do that then they will have no close friends at their graduation, and they said that was fine. But, still, I'm sure it's not as special for them without their friends there.

Hope it gets better for your DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She will work after college. Hopefully she will befriend some of her coworkers.

I am really concerned about her though. She never found her social footing in high school. The pandemic worsened it. She doesn't talk to anyone from high school. College has been more of the same. Sometimes I wonder if she has high-functioning autism or ADHD, but we got her a neuropsych in September (when she started therapy) and they said no to both.

Could she have a different disorder such as social communication disorder? or maybe no diagnosis but could still benefit from some social skills coaching?

Not everyone finds their people in college, but this pattern of not finding a social group across settings is more concerning.

[Anonymous]

Without knowing your DD’s career path, I think today’s employment post Covid makes it more difficult to meet people. Between work from home and the hybrid model, you don’t lay eyes on the same people everyday. This makes it difficult to make a connection.

[Anonymous]

Oops, one more thing. I would not make her go to graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is graduating at the end of this month. They went to a T20 with a hefty amount of merit aid, turning down 2 Ivies in the process.

DD is graduating with honors, but is socially anxious, lonely, isolated, and doesn't have any close friends. She told me last night over the phone that she doesn't even want to go to graduation and is disgusted at the idea of attending Senior Week activities since she doesn't have any friends to attend them with. But she told me that she'll attend graduation because she knows it's important for me and DH. It makes me so sad that DD will graduate without the kind of life long friendships that most find in college. She doesn't talk to anyone from high school either, but I attribute that more to the pandemic than anything.

I skipped all the graduation stuff, including the ceremony. It was fine. I am an introvert. I did not want to be in all that graduation stuff — too stressful. I just wanted to get on with the rest of my life.

Separately, I totally believe SOME folks find life-long friends in college, possibly “many”, but I think “most” is not really the case if one would survey a very large sample of students 20 or 30 years after graduating college. Certainly I do expect my DC to have any life-long friends as a result of college.

Be there for your DC and celebrate them and their success, then help them as they move into the next stage of life. And no matter what, keep in touch with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's graduating from USC. And ironically, one of the two Ivies she turned down was Dartmouth (Penn was the other).

Surprised as Dartmouth College asks for peer recommendations in order to assure that applicants are social/have Eq skills.

That's just mean. My guess is COVID impacted this kid.

Oh and I know plenty of Dartmouth grads and kids going there who lack social skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oops, one more thing. I would not make her go to graduation.

+1

[Anonymous]

Reading this thread makes me nervous-my DD had a horrid experience in her DMV elite private school and we are counting on college being a better experience. This thread makes it clear that it isn’t necessarily better for everyone-and I don’t think her mental health can take another 4 years of exclusion and lack of meaningful peer relationships! She is quiet but athletic (will be on a sports team at school), whip smart and beautiful but not a big partier, which seems to be all kids her age want to do!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's graduating from USC. And ironically, one of the two Ivies she turned down was Dartmouth (Penn was the other).

Surprised as Dartmouth College asks for peer recommendations in order to assure that applicants are social/have Eq skills.

That's just mean. My guess is COVID impacted this kid.

Oh and I know plenty of Dartmouth grads and kids going there who lack social skills.

Nothing mean about it. Your comment, however, is designed to be mean.