What kind of person is my husband?

[Anonymous]

Chronic disorganization--can be a type of hoarding behavior
ADHD
Lazy

My father was like this. Piles of papers, messy desk and car. He was a very successful surgeon. He had my organized, neat mom, medical assistants and hospital staff to help him.

He seemed to have OCD and ADHD. Could concentrate like crazy but would check the doors, lights, ruminate, couldn't sit still, lots of energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then, arrange your life together the way you want. This can be very empowering for you. Don't discuss, just act.

This can be a good solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a run-of-the-mill idiot.

this too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a run-of-the-mill idiot.

Fascinating how you posted ONE SECOND after the OP post. Simply fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a run-of-the-mill idiot.

Fascinating how you posted ONE SECOND after the OP post. Simply fascinating.

Actually 4 posts within 3 seconds of the OP.

Fascinating indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a run-of-the-mill idiot.

Is this the same as “the town idiot?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I notice that he is very...spacy. He is always either on his phone, playing video games or playing the guitar or working. He does not spend much of his time present and in the moment. He leaves cabinet doors open; if he takes something out, he will make a pile of them on the counter. In the bathroom there are bottles of finished products or medicine that he never throws away. The finished toilet paper rolls are lined up above the toilet. His clothes are strewn all along his side of the bedroom.

His office has tons of unhanged certificates and diplomas. Piles upon piles of papers, books, magazines, receipts.

He lives in his head and does not live in reality. All conversations are about theory, art, books, music. No thought to life planning or logistics.

Is this a personality type? a disorder?

Could be ADHD. Could be that he is lazy.

Either way, it doesn't sound NEW. Why did you marry him if he doesn't live in reality or think about life planning?

OP here...at 24 I did not give much thought to life planning either. At 35 however his spacyness is very concerning. He has no sense of time or life phases. He just exists in his own thoughts and time-space continuum.

Schedule him to get a neuropsych eval and make it happen. Is it treatable? Find out.

[Anonymous]

Sounds a bit like my DH. He is definitely ADHD. He is also a very successful medical doctor and I love him so much. As long as my emotional and physical needs are met, he can do what he wants in his time off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I notice that he is very...spacy. He is always either on his phone, playing video games or playing the guitar or working. He does not spend much of his time present and in the moment. He leaves cabinet doors open; if he takes something out, he will make a pile of them on the counter. In the bathroom there are bottles of finished products or medicine that he never throws away. The finished toilet paper rolls are lined up above the toilet. His clothes are strewn all along his side of the bedroom.

His office has tons of unhanged certificates and diplomas. Piles upon piles of papers, books, magazines, receipts.

He lives in his head and does not live in reality. All conversations are about theory, art, books, music. No thought to life planning or logistics.

Is this a personality type? a disorder?

Could be ADHD. Could be that he is lazy.

Either way, it doesn't sound NEW. Why did you marry him if he doesn't live in reality or think about life planning?

OP here...at 24 I did not give much thought to life planning either. At 35 however his spacyness is very concerning. He has no sense of time or life phases. He just exists in his own thoughts and time-space continuum.

I don’t think this is a really good explanation. I got married at 23. I could clearly see my husband’s strengths and weaknesses because… a 23 year old is an adult. I was an adult. You were too. So now it’s a matter of working with him or leaving him. But don’t pretend that because you were 24 you just couldn’t see what was in front of you.

To be fair what you value at 24 is way different than when you are 34 or older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a run-of-the-mill idiot.

Fascinating how you posted ONE SECOND after the OP post. Simply fascinating.

Actually 4 posts within 3 seconds of the OP.

Fascinating indeed.

NP. When the timestamp goes from 16:23 to 16:24, that's one minute, not one second. It could even be almost two minutes, if OP posted at 16.23 and one second, and a response came in at 16.24 and 59 seconds.

[Anonymous]

40 years over here. It's a combo of ADD and a little spectrum it seems. He tries though, and has shown improvement, but only for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I notice that he is very...spacy. He is always either on his phone, playing video games or playing the guitar or working. He does not spend much of his time present and in the moment. He leaves cabinet doors open; if he takes something out, he will make a pile of them on the counter. In the bathroom there are bottles of finished products or medicine that he never throws away. The finished toilet paper rolls are lined up above the toilet. His clothes are strewn all along his side of the bedroom.

His office has tons of unhanged certificates and diplomas. Piles upon piles of papers, books, magazines, receipts.

He lives in his head and does not live in reality. All conversations are about theory, art, books, music. No thought to life planning or logistics.

Is this a personality type? a disorder?

Could be ADHD. Could be that he is lazy.

Either way, it doesn't sound NEW. Why did you marry him if he doesn't live in reality or think about life planning?

OP here...at 24 I did not give much thought to life planning either. At 35 however his spacyness is very concerning. He has no sense of time or life phases. He just exists in his own thoughts and time-space continuum.

I don’t think this is a really good explanation. I got married at 23. I could clearly see my husband’s strengths and weaknesses because… a 23 year old is an adult. I was an adult. You were too. So now it’s a matter of working with him or leaving him. But don’t pretend that because you were 24 you just couldn’t see what was in front of you.

To be fair what you value at 24 is way different than when you are 34 or older.

I didn’t really feel this way.

At 23 I valued:
That my husband had good relationships with friends and family
That he was focused on his career but in a healthy way
That we were aligned spiritually and the same religion
That his parents seemed to have an equal relationship
That he was fun and funny and we had a lot of chemistry

At 33 I valued pretty much the same things. He has negatives same as any other person but we also grew together all those years. When you marry young you also influence the person your spouse becomes.

[Anonymous]

Ack, my 15 yo is your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a run-of-the-mill idiot.

Fascinating how you posted ONE SECOND after the OP post. Simply fascinating.

The second post (the one you quoted) came one minute after the OP post, not one second.

[Anonymous]

What does he do for work?