Happily married. Also find myself fantasizing about cheating.

[Anonymous]

My friend got used, dumped and then got caught. Husband divorced her. Older teens didn’t take it well.

Wait, how did she get caught if the guy had already dumped her??

She (the friend) was still married when her AP dumped her.

Her DH found out she had the affair and divorced her because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am happily married and have random crushes on men all of the time. I always have since being a teenager and I’m over 50 now. Just stop obsessing over this one guy and look for other men to crush over too. It’s attraction but meaningless since I just acknowledge it to myself and move on.

OP here. Can you expand more on this? I'm the sort of person who just doesn't really think of other men like that, since I'm married. Maybe a celebrity or something, but since I married my husband, it's like I turned off the part of my brain/body that process attraction to other men. Like in the same way you might just shut down attraction to your BIL or your best friend's spouse, because it's not acceptable.

This crush took me by surprise but I don't even know where to start thinking about crushing on other men. Most men I meet are dads of my kids' classmates and friends and I have no interest. My current crush was someone I met by happenstance who is totally outside my social circle. I think that was part of it. He met me as just a woman he'd never met before, not as "Larlo's mom" or "Jay's wife" or whatever. It's like he got to see a side of me most people don't see because I am normally in these roles/boxes that allow people to easily categorize me.

It’s like any other feeling and it’s better to acknowledge it and move on, rather than suppressing or dwelling on it. I have no interest in any type of fling or relationship, but I still notice men who attractive, funny, charismatic, weird, talented, athletic; whatever it is that catches my attention.

I meet a lot of new people via kids activities, work, hobbies, some of them know me as a parent, others don’t. Either way it doesn’t matter because I am never going to act on it.

Crushing on celebrities doesn’t do it for me, they are too far removed.

I think for you this crush is just a new limmerance because you had turned off those feelings. It’s totally fine to feel what you are feeling but you need to acknowledge that it is fleeting and fickle and not real at all. Just sexual attraction and nothing deeper or of any real or meaningful importance at all.

[Anonymous]

Having an affair was excellent, absolutely worth it. I would not take it back.

And btw, I got caught cheating.
Still would not take it back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having an affair was excellent, absolutely worth it. I would not take it back.

And btw, I got caught cheating.
Still would not take it back.

Physical or emotional

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having an affair was excellent, absolutely worth it. I would not take it back.

And btw, I got caught cheating.
Still would not take it back.

Physical or emotional

Both

[Anonymous]

Did not get caught and did not regret it one bit. Still happily married and enjoying retirement!

[Anonymous]

I had an affair and it was fun and I don’t regret it. Don’t get caught and know it always ends so just have fun.

[Anonymous]

Agree. Crushes fun. All normal and good. Channel it into better sex with your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had this happen in my late 40s and I told my husband about it. We kind of…enjoyed the crush together…and it helped me work through it faster. Still took about 18 months to get through the worst of it. Sounds weird, but it did help.

You gotta know your spouse. Sounds like you have a great one, I can’t imagine most spouses would take this well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it, OP. I waded into that pool during my midlife crisis and ended up feeling used. Men love married women because they can use them and discard them. Feeling amazing for an hour compared to feeling discarded for days/weeks/months. It's better in your head than it will ever be in real life.

My friend got used, dumped and then got caught. Husband divorced her. Older teens didn’t take it well.

What happened to the guy your friend cheated with? What would you call him?

[Anonymous]

I had a sudden crush on my then-new next door neighbor. He was funny, easy to talk to and just so handsome. I’d get all flustered when I’d see him, so tried to avoid any situation where it was just the two of us without our spouses and/or DC around.

Feelings faded suddenly when DH mentioned how much this neighbor reminded him of my own brother. Sounds creepy, but DH wasn’t wrong - neighbor’s mannerisms and personal style were indeed very similar to my quirky but cute younger brother. Then, I was horrified with myself but at least I could reframe how I see my neighbor-almost as my brother: no more crush. That realization eliminated any awkwardness in talking with him. Anyway, his family got transferred and moved.

[Anonymous]

Character flaw?

[Anonymous]

22207?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I definitely do! I have always had a very active imagination and have many fantasies that I entertain and enjoy.

Imagination and fantasy are a really important part of my healthy sex life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did not get caught and did not regret it one bit. Still happily married and enjoying retirement!

Yuck