Toxic Loudoun Moms encouraging kids to pry about divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: It is my problem because my friend's kids are practically family. My kids and them are close so my kids feel this too. My friend is suffering and so are the kids. So many people carry water in this area for toxic people. Don't you all have a conscience?

Why are you perpetuating this if it’s so terrible?

Perpetuating by asking for advice? I don't involve my kids but it gets hard to constantly lie to them about what the other kids are saying about my friend and by virtue, me and my spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, goodness. MYOB.

My friend's kids are one of my kids only friends. If I lose them at school, my kids have no friends. None.

[Anonymous]

I find this very hard to believe. My elementary aged children have lots of kids in their classes who have divorced parents/parents going through a divorce. No one makes fun of them for it. If anything, the other kids give a lot of grace to the children going through divorces at home. The latter kids do tend to act out because of all the changes, but everyone is kind or indifferent at the worst. No one is bullying them about it. And as a mom, I’ve heard a few woozies, for the cause of the divorce, but none of them reasons are child appropriate to share and there is no way I’d tell my children about it, just to spite one of the parties.

I suspect your friend’s children are acting out very badly because of the trauma they are facing at home. And the other kids just don’t want any to deal with them anymore.

If you care, try to help the kids, don’t fuel the flames of unnecessary blame and gossip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will take your post at face value OP. Do you have a question?

Yes. What to do. In between a rock and a hard place and my kids are experiencing this too.

Didn't you know this could happen, OP? Have you no experience of the world?
In large transient communities (urban), you get the benefit of anonymity but you have to work harder to make friends.
In smaller more stable communities (more rural and suburban), you either have a wonderful experience if your restrained circle is all composed of ethical people, or you have a disastrous experience if that circle is poisoned by a few nasty gossips.

Either way, YOU cannot do anything here, except tell your kids to report bullying and teasing to the teacher. You can encourage your friend to report the same. If rumors are traded online or offline and you're part of the group, you can express disapproval of their behavior and remove yourself from the group.

But your entire behavior is problematic, OP, because it's evident you don't have any sort of perspective on this. Why should we believe you? Are you sure you aren't hyper-partisan? Have you asked yourself these questions instead of blindly supporting one side in this divorce? Do you understand that marriages implode for multiple reasons, and in most cases, it's not one spouse who is responsible for all the ills of a relationship?

And stop taking us to task. There is no reason for us to take your side, or anyone's side in this issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's ironic that you yourself seem overly involved in this, while accusing others of doing the same.

I highly doubt elementary school kids are interrogating the kid at school. If they are, the parent of that kid can easily complain to the teacher and have the teacher shut it down, because it comes under the heading of bullying. There are bullying complaints and specific processes a parent and student can initiate in most public school districts.

Nothing that should involve you, OP.

Sounds like OP is a caring friend who feels helpless in a situation where she can't protect her friend from malicious gossip. I cannot imagine asking my children for details about their classmates' parents divorces!

You can't imagine, because it doesn't happen. OP is hyper-sensitive and has likely blown everything out of proportion, or has an overactive imagination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, goodness. MYOB.

My friend's kids are one of my kids only friends. If I lose them at school, my kids have no friends. None.

Why would you lose them?

Do you tend to react so dramatically over such minor and temporary setbacks?

Some of us have been through the wringer with our kids, OP. We've had to deal with international moves, special needs, serious medical events, etc. For my family, all three. For a long time one of my kids had no friends. Zero. I have another kid with a chronic and serious illness. None of us complained as much as you!

So your dramatic rendition of Main Character Syndrome seems ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

The behavior that you are describing, namely a group of parents encouraging their children to tease other children who are going through their parents' divorce is so utterly and abashedly cruel that I do admit I'm having trouble believing it. Like the PP said, divorce is sadly not so uncommon, and in my experience garners sympathy from the community for the blameless children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The behavior that you are describing, namely a group of parents encouraging their children to tease other children who are going through their parents' divorce is so utterly and abashedly cruel that I do admit I'm having trouble believing it. Like the PP said, divorce is sadly not so uncommon, and in my experience garners sympathy from the community for the blameless children.

They're pumping the kids for information like "find out if the parent is ____." Does _____ parent have people over." The teasing is the natural outcome of getting kids to ask weird, invasive questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The behavior that you are describing, namely a group of parents encouraging their children to tease other children who are going through their parents' divorce is so utterly and abashedly cruel that I do admit I'm having trouble believing it. Like the PP said, divorce is sadly not so uncommon, and in my experience garners sympathy from the community for the blameless children.

They're pumping the kids for information like "find out if the parent is ____." Does _____ parent have people over." The teasing is the natural outcome of getting kids to ask weird, invasive questions.

Again, not passing the smell test.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: It is my problem because my friend's kids are practically family. My kids and them are close so my kids feel this too. My friend is suffering and so are the kids. So many people carry water in this area for toxic people. Don't you all have a conscience?

and it's also okay if it's you and not your "Friend" (seroiusly - saying this to other posters to help her)

[Anonymous]

I asked this already, but why haven't you addressed the parents already?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked this already, but why haven't you addressed the parents already?

Hard to address parents who won't allow you to speak to them. Like I said, other than telling the school, who say they have addressed the parents, there are no options.

Also for the "this doesn't happen" people - google "children being used as pawns in divorce." It does happen. So much so that thousands of articles exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked this already, but why haven't you addressed the parents already?

Hard to address parents who won't allow you to speak to them. Like I said, other than telling the school, who say they have addressed the parents, there are no options.

Also for the "this doesn't happen" people - google "children being used as pawns in divorce." It does happen. So much so that thousands of articles exist.

I don't think that it's untrue that children get used as pawns in divorces. I just think it's unlikely that total strangers would be so invested in one couple's divorce that they would use their children to this extent.

In any way, if they are at the same elementary school you can certainly reach out to them via email. If true, this behavior is highly inappropriate and I would have no qualms about addressing it in an email.

[Anonymous]

Loudoun County moms are stupid.

This is how VA got Youngkin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked this already, but why haven't you addressed the parents already?

Hard to address parents who won't allow you to speak to them. Like I said, other than telling the school, who say they have addressed the parents, there are no options.

Also for the "this doesn't happen" people - google "children being used as pawns in divorce." It does happen. So much so that thousands of articles exist.

I don't think that it's untrue that children get used as pawns in divorces. I just think it's unlikely that total strangers would be so invested in one couple's divorce that they would use their children to this extent.

In any way, if they are at the same elementary school you can certainly reach out to them via email. If true, this behavior is highly inappropriate and I would have no qualms about addressing it in an email.

Classmates and friends in school are hardly "total strangers" - the reason I mentioned the county was to send home the sense that it's a bit more close knit than Rosslyn or Silver Spring. Neighbors hang out here and we all see each other at the same places.