How to address cheating?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to stop the thot

That’s not very feminist of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say that you noticed that she was pretty close to childhood friend. Ask her what she thinks of that in view of her having a boyfriend. Ask what she thinks about exclusive relationships, cheating, etc. Mostly you want to start a conversation to hear what she has to say before you inject anything. She may lie, of course, but at that point, I would stay silent and just give her the look.

This is the route I'd take as well. The conversation should more generally be about relationships, how she expects her partner to behave in an exclusive one, and how she should, and whether what she's doing with the new boy is crossing any lines. I would not bring up the text at all.

Interesting. You don’t think she would see right through that?

She will see through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m going to assume that your DD doesn’t know that you still read her texts. My advice is to say nothing. This is her life, these are her choices, and she needs to live with this one and the fallout from it.

If it were about something different - e.g., substance misuse, assault, etc. - then, yes, definitely say something. But, since it’s about her choices in her relationships you need to not interfere and let the consequences happen.

This. Do nothing. And stop reading her texts.

[Anonymous]

If you have to say something, just watch the old friends tv show “we were on a break” episode with her and talk about if she’s team Rachel or team Ross and what are you and realize the right answer for her may not be for you.

I am with don’t say anything though as this is not something she brought to you. A 17 year old “cheating,” if that is what it takes to move her in her dating journey, she will learn from it and so will the BF. The learning might stink or be harder for one or the other or be more delayed for one than the other, but there are lessons and unless you are planning to have her marry HS BF, you already know that whatever she is doing now is part of HER journey. You don’t have to like it, but she’ll hope you always love her. There will be times depending on her choices that she may need her mom. Don’t set it up now so she won’t come to you. She may come to you about this if you let her, but I get it, they all still feel more 7 than 17.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’m not really upset that she cheated- everyone makes mistakes and, as you said, relationships can look different for everyone. However, I want her to learn that it’s not okay to brag about doing something you know is wrong.

[Anonymous]

The “not the child we raised” is giving the “not my kid” on all the sex threads LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m going to assume that your DD doesn’t know that you still read her texts. My advice is to say nothing. This is her life, these are her choices, and she needs to live with this one and the fallout from it.

If it were about something different - e.g., substance misuse, assault, etc. - then, yes, definitely say something. But, since it’s about her choices in her relationships you need to not interfere and let the consequences happen.

1000+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say that you noticed that she was pretty close to childhood friend. Ask her what she thinks of that in view of her having a boyfriend. Ask what she thinks about exclusive relationships, cheating, etc. Mostly you want to start a conversation to hear what she has to say before you inject anything. She may lie, of course, but at that point, I would stay silent and just give her the look.

This is the route I'd take as well. The conversation should more generally be about relationships, how she expects her partner to behave in an exclusive one, and how she should, and whether what she's doing with the new boy is crossing any lines. I would not bring up the text at all.

Interesting. You don’t think she would see right through that?

What does see through mean here? That OP read her texts? Depends on whether OP has raised texts previously. That OP actually has an opinion on the issue? Yes of course but I don’t think it matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not really upset that she cheated- everyone makes mistakes and, as you said, relationships can look different for everyone. However, I want her to learn that it’s not okay to brag about doing something you know is wrong.

Her peers and bf can send that message. I don’t see how you can on these circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Op, there comes a time, and i think you’re past it, where you are not going to want to find out what you are going to find out by snooping though her texts. Some things you just really don’t want to know, and can’t unsee.

[Anonymous]

I think you can have a conversation on the boy bestie and how you noticed it has changed her dynamic with her current bf and if your daughter has noticed a difference.

My dd15 and I tend to talk like this on her long trips to practice and once a week we do a girl dinner. I am very open to mistakes and learning and showing the possible other perspectives she might be to immature to see. My DD has opened up a lot that way and looks for advice.

But otherwise that's about as far as it goes. Teens all make mistakes and have to learn to love with it. She might have to as well.

[Anonymous]

I'd say the biggest problem is that you are reading the text messages of your 17 yr old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait a minute - she’s 17 and you’re still reading her texts? And now you want to confront her with the information you got from said tests? And manage her relationship in your own way??

Lord almighty lady get a life.

Jesus. If you think monitoring your child’s activities and discussing their actions with them is “not having a life,” I can’t imagine how difficult your kids are.

At 17?? My daughter is leaving for college at 17. No way in hell I’m invading her privacy like that. And she’s an awesome and super easy kid.
If my daughter wants my input, she asks for it. But to confront my daughter with some info I gathered by literally spying on her? If you think that’s normal, then there’s no rational discussion to be had here.

Congrats on having a perfect kid. If you were in OP’s shoes, what would you do?

I wouldn't know about it because I wouldn't be reading the texts of a 17 yr old. When does that stop?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not really upset that she cheated- everyone makes mistakes and, as you said, relationships can look different for everyone. However, I want her to learn that it’s not okay to brag about doing something you know is wrong.

I wouldn't take her tone in the texts seriously. The bragging might be to mask some guilt and to encourage positive feedback. Who she is at 17 isn't who she will be, ask her how things are going with her boyfriend. She probably won't tell you, which is okay, but it means she doesn't want you disappointed. If she does tell you, try not to be judgmental and understand where she's at and guide her as a gentle voice of reason.