Struggling with my own emotional regulation and two SN kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sucks and it’s hard and it’s endless. My kids are 13 and 16 now and honestly it’s so much easier. I thought I would never survive this long when my kids were little but I did.

Support groups help. NAMI was really helpful. Dan Shapiro’s Parent Child Journey was helpful- and the nice thing is that it’s pay what you can if the cost of all of this is too much.

You didn’t mention if you work outside the home, but if you do take a vacation day once a year, send the kids to school/daycare like usual, and take a break. If your husband can take the day too, a day to reconnect is hugely helpful.

If you don’t try to find some time for yourself- even if it’s just 1/2 hour to cry in your bedroom while the kids watch tv.

It also took me a really long time to figure out that everything didn’t need to be addressed all at once. I always felt pressured by the messages about early intervention. But sometimes it’s best to pick one or two goals to work on at a time.

The bolded. It's nearly impossible to address too many treatment goals at a time. Talk to your providers about 1 - I mean a single - thing that makes your days the hardest. Then work on that one thing. Maybe 1 thing per kid at a time. It's too hard to do more than that treatment wise. It's OK to say that you're not addressing ______ until ______ has gotten easier. This is as much for you as it is your kids - its really hard for kids to succeed when there are too many things changing at once.

06:11 poster again. All this too!! This is a marathon, not a sprint. You cannot do it all and that is ok. I remember when I was worried about my kid only eating 10 things, and the developmental ped was like “let it go, this is the last thing you need to worry about.” It was so freeing. We have dropped so many therapies over the years. Many of them we just never should have bothered with. In our case, we would have been better off saving the money for her future needs.

[Anonymous]

I mean the following 100 percent seriously (this is how I had to talk to myself): you are a super parent. Which is pretty much the same as being a superhero. You do all of this epic work in secret, you’re achieving feats regular people can’t fathom, and no one knows! Your life IS harder than other people’s lives. You’re doing SO much, and the world of neurotypical parents has no idea. Just like, remember that it’s pretty cool that you’re a superparent and admire your own cape every now and then. You, like other superheroes, didnt ask for this and it wasn’t a choice, but here you are. And I give you a fist bump for all of your work!

And also agree with above poster who said separate the kiddos, divide and conquer with one parent/kid combo going one way, and the other going the other way.

[Anonymous]

Be kind to yourself OP. You're doing an amazing job. Having a 3yo and a 7yo with special needs is A LOT. Do you have a friend group that gets together on a regular basis? I found my circle and the moms are nice. We get together occasionally at a brewery or a winery with a playground and no one judges anyone. Go on a walk, have a glass of wine or your favorite beverage. I use county programs for occasional parents night out. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sucks and it’s hard and it’s endless. My kids are 13 and 16 now and honestly it’s so much easier. I thought I would never survive this long when my kids were little but I did.

Support groups help. NAMI was really helpful. Dan Shapiro’s Parent Child Journey was helpful- and the nice thing is that it’s pay what you can if the cost of all of this is too much.

You didn’t mention if you work outside the home, but if you do take a vacation day once a year, send the kids to school/daycare like usual, and take a break. If your husband can take the day too, a day to reconnect is hugely helpful.

If you don’t try to find some time for yourself- even if it’s just 1/2 hour to cry in your bedroom while the kids watch tv.

It also took me a really long time to figure out that everything didn’t need to be addressed all at once. I always felt pressured by the messages about early intervention. But sometimes it’s best to pick one or two goals to work on at a time.

The bolded. It's nearly impossible to address too many treatment goals at a time. Talk to your providers about 1 - I mean a single - thing that makes your days the hardest. Then work on that one thing. Maybe 1 thing per kid at a time. It's too hard to do more than that treatment wise. It's OK to say that you're not addressing ______ until ______ has gotten easier. This is as much for you as it is your kids - its really hard for kids to succeed when there are too many things changing at once.

06:11 poster again. All this too!! This is a marathon, not a sprint. You cannot do it all and that is ok. I remember when I was worried about my kid only eating 10 things, and the developmental ped was like “let it go, this is the last thing you need to worry about.” It was so freeing. We have dropped so many therapies over the years. Many of them we just never should have bothered with. In our case, we would have been better off saving the money for her future needs.

I hear you! Mine would go on food jags. I remember when the child would only eat 35 different things. If they are growing appropriately, just get some vitamins and drop the rope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sucks and it’s hard and it’s endless. My kids are 13 and 16 now and honestly it’s so much easier. I thought I would never survive this long when my kids were little but I did.

Support groups help. NAMI was really helpful. Dan Shapiro’s Parent Child Journey was helpful- and the nice thing is that it’s pay what you can if the cost of all of this is too much.

You didn’t mention if you work outside the home, but if you do take a vacation day once a year, send the kids to school/daycare like usual, and take a break. If your husband can take the day too, a day to reconnect is hugely helpful.

If you don’t try to find some time for yourself- even if it’s just 1/2 hour to cry in your bedroom while the kids watch tv.

It also took me a really long time to figure out that everything didn’t need to be addressed all at once. I always felt pressured by the messages about early intervention. But sometimes it’s best to pick one or two goals to work on at a time.

The bolded. It's nearly impossible to address too many treatment goals at a time. Talk to your providers about 1 - I mean a single - thing that makes your days the hardest. Then work on that one thing. Maybe 1 thing per kid at a time. It's too hard to do more than that treatment wise. It's OK to say that you're not addressing ______ until ______ has gotten easier. This is as much for you as it is your kids - its really hard for kids to succeed when there are too many things changing at once.

06:11 poster again. All this too!! This is a marathon, not a sprint. You cannot do it all and that is ok. I remember when I was worried about my kid only eating 10 things, and the developmental ped was like “let it go, this is the last thing you need to worry about.” It was so freeing. We have dropped so many therapies over the years. Many of them we just never should have bothered with. In our case, we would have been better off saving the money for her future needs.

I hear you! Mine would go on food jags. I remember when the child would only eat 35 different things. If they are growing appropriately, just get some vitamins and drop the rope.

3-5 things, keyboard going kaput.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drugs for me and the kids as pp said. At the very least get the kids some clonidine to sleep through the night. That alone is huge and will pay back in spades.

Heartily agree. My NT child could have rivaled my SN child in tantrums when overtired. The goal of having your kiddos waking up with a good night's sleep is a very good place to start.

[Anonymous]

My kid didn’t sleep through the night until they were almost four. Now at 13 I’m sure he has ADHD despite being really intelligent he can’t do the simplest level of organization or followthrough and the most infuriating thing is he never learns or responds to instruction or redirection. He’s so invested in feeling comfortable that he just won’t do what it takes to correct. It’s enraging and I give myself a gold star every day that I don’t throttle him.