don't want my mother to move in

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm Asian and all my grandparents (living in their country of origin) went to nursing homes. My MIL (not the same Asian nationality) lives at home with aides and visits from her children, but does not live with her children. None of my Asian friends' parents live with them. All this is for Japan, Korea and various other Asian countries.

So maybe it's the norm for your family, or your community, but I get really tired of Asian stereotypes being waved about. Asia is a HUGE place. Not everyone is following whatever norms you're talking about.

More importantly, train yourself not to care about your mother's expectations. You have to be selfish and do what's best for YOU. Selfish is GOOD in this instance.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it.

My MIL and FIL (Asian) live with my SIL and her family; it has been hell and ruined their already strained relationship.

They stayed with us for 4 months and it was the longest 4 months of my life. It was also really difficult for my kids as my MIL has no self awareness and never knew when to just shut her mouth. She was also incapable of adhering to the boundaries we tried to set. We tell her please don't buy X we don't like it and wont eat it. She still buys x and gets upset when no one eats it and it goes in the trash.

[Anonymous]

Do a heart to heart, thank her for wanting to support your cancer battle but why this is a bad idea and not good for your mental or marital health or her relationships with your husband and children. She is a desi mum, wouldn't want to jeopardize all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do a heart to heart, thank her for wanting to support your cancer battle but why this is a bad idea and not good for your mental or marital health or her relationships with your husband and children. She is a desi mum, wouldn't want to jeopardize all that.

Really?!? If heart-to-hearts solved all these problems, we wouldn't be posting on DCUM. I'm ready to bet that if OP opens up to her mother, she's going to get a cry-fest in return about how her mother has failed at raising a good daughter, because OP can't even take in her old mother in her time of need. The "Where Did I Go Wrong?" wail routine that's weaponized for maximum emotional damage.

[Anonymous]

It can be a blessing in disguise and bring y'all closer or rip y'all apart. Would I do it? Never unless other alternative is for her to be homeless.

[Anonymous]

Op, be clear with yourself -- with what you want. State it. And see that it happens. It's not any more complicated than that. Get your act together.