Considering a third child but got a lot of joint pain after second

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I would not have a third in your situation.

Not worth a deterioration in health, it always a roll of the dice after 35 when you already have two healthy kids, and never a good idea to have the motivation being "try for a girl" even if you'd be "ok with a boy."

OP here. I would be happy regardless, but I think it's natural to want a different gender. If I had a boy and a girl now, I would probably want a third.
When we go to events, I get lonely, and I see that daughters tend to be more emotionally present for their moms. When we go to events, they tend to be separated by gender, as I am Muslim. I am not only thinking of having another child for holiday parties, but I get more emotional during the holidays. During Ramadan, there is more time to reflect, and I have been thinking about it for the last two years. If I didn't have health problems, I would have tried for another already.

You are saying that you desperately want a girl and you are also saying you would be Ok with a boy. This is not logical or possible. I would focus your energy on accepting what you have and trying to figure out how to make it work.

OP here. Please stop trying to cause trouble. We know it will be a girl or a boy, but both genders are possible. And we will be happy with both, but I think it's only natural to hope for the gender you do not have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The odds say #3 will be a boy so keep that in mind.

As for joint pain you probably don't want to hear what I have to say. I had scleritis after #2. It's an eye condition only associated with autoimmune diseases. None of the specialists I saw could identify the autoimmune issue. Eye issue resolved. NBD, right?

Next pregnancy ended in a 15 week loss. I've since lost 5 more pregnancies all chromosomally normal. I'm currently under a very strict protocol with weekly ultrasounds and blood tests which have shown that my immune system is attacking the pregnancies.

So proceed with caution. It's been a rough 3 years for me. If I knew this at the beginning I can't say that I would have gone down this road.

Op here. I am so sorry. Best of luck to you. My SIL had a stillborn and several miscarriages. Pregnancies put us at risk for so many things. I wanted to adopt but DH isn't supportive. Wish men could carry the babies. Life would be so much easier for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I would not have a third in your situation.

Not worth a deterioration in health, it always a roll of the dice after 35 when you already have two healthy kids, and never a good idea to have the motivation being "try for a girl" even if you'd be "ok with a boy."

OP here. I would be happy regardless, but I think it's natural to want a different gender. If I had a boy and a girl now, I would probably want a third.
When we go to events, I get lonely, and I see that daughters tend to be more emotionally present for their moms. When we go to events, they tend to be separated by gender, as I am Muslim. I am not only thinking of having another child for holiday parties, but I get more emotional during the holidays. During Ramadan, there is more time to reflect, and I have been thinking about it for the last two years. If I didn't have health problems, I would have tried for another already.

You are saying that you desperately want a girl and you are also saying you would be Ok with a boy. This is not logical or possible. I would focus your energy on accepting what you have and trying to figure out how to make it work.

OP here. Please stop trying to cause trouble. We know it will be a girl or a boy, but both genders are possible. And we will be happy with both, but I think it's only natural to hope for the gender you do not have.

I totally understand your position and I think you should do IVF and gender selection to ensure you have a girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I would not have a third in your situation.

Not worth a deterioration in health, it always a roll of the dice after 35 when you already have two healthy kids, and never a good idea to have the motivation being "try for a girl" even if you'd be "ok with a boy."

OP here. I would be happy regardless, but I think it's natural to want a different gender. If I had a boy and a girl now, I would probably want a third.
When we go to events, I get lonely, and I see that daughters tend to be more emotionally present for their moms. When we go to events, they tend to be separated by gender, as I am Muslim. I am not only thinking of having another child for holiday parties, but I get more emotional during the holidays. During Ramadan, there is more time to reflect, and I have been thinking about it for the last two years. If I didn't have health problems, I would have tried for another already.

You are saying that you desperately want a girl and you are also saying you would be Ok with a boy. This is not logical or possible. I would focus your energy on accepting what you have and trying to figure out how to make it work.

OP here. Please stop trying to cause trouble. We know it will be a girl or a boy, but both genders are possible. And we will be happy with both, but I think it's only natural to hope for the gender you do not have.

I totally understand your position and I think you should do IVF and gender selection to ensure you have a girl.

[Anonymous]

If another pregnancy renders you in chronic pain even worse, how are you going to feel knowing your other 2 children are now deprived of a healthy mom? Is a third child worth risking their future? And if something happens to you that leaves your husband as the only parent? You’d risk your two children not having a mother just to have a girl?

Honestly it sounds horribly selfish. Your two children need a mother. You clearly don’t love them as much as you should if you would risk their future just so you can dress someone up in a frilly pink dress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I started wearing the custom shoe inserts 6 months POSTPARTUM, so for 4 years now, I have been wearing them consistently. Even before my first pregnancy, my feet would hurt, but I never had joint pain. I would ask for many foot massages from DH, even with my first child. The foot doctor said I need the inserts due to anterior tendonitis, but that doesn't make a lot of sense because anterior tendonitis is supposed to heal. I have moved a few times to different states since seeing that doctor. A doctor here looked at my X-rays and said nothing appeared wrong. I tried not wearing them, and that sucked. If I don't wear them, my knee will start hurting.

OP, if you have continuous foot pain and haven’t had an MRI, might be time for that. See a doc and see where the MRI should be for. I got PRP for posterior tibial tendinitis which helped immensely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If another pregnancy renders you in chronic pain even worse, how are you going to feel knowing your other 2 children are now deprived of a healthy mom? Is a third child worth risking their future? And if something happens to you that leaves your husband as the only parent? You’d risk your two children not having a mother just to have a girl?

Honestly it sounds horribly selfish. Your two children need a mother. You clearly don’t love them as much as you should if you would risk their future just so you can dress someone up in a frilly pink dress.

Ugh you sound like a misogynistic boymom. Wanting to have a girl is more than wanting to dress someone up in a frilly dress. If OP can get her medical issues under control, why shouldn’t she try to have a girl? Don’t bother lying to us that you have daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I started wearing the custom shoe inserts 6 months POSTPARTUM, so for 4 years now, I have been wearing them consistently. Even before my first pregnancy, my feet would hurt, but I never had joint pain. I would ask for many foot massages from DH, even with my first child. The foot doctor said I need the inserts due to anterior tendonitis, but that doesn't make a lot of sense because anterior tendonitis is supposed to heal. I have moved a few times to different states since seeing that doctor. A doctor here looked at my X-rays and said nothing appeared wrong. I tried not wearing them, and that sucked. If I don't wear them, my knee will start hurting.

OP, if you have continuous foot pain and haven’t had an MRI, might be time for that. See a doc and see where the MRI should be for. I got PRP for posterior tibial tendinitis which helped immensely.

Op here. Sorry but what is PRP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If another pregnancy renders you in chronic pain even worse, how are you going to feel knowing your other 2 children are now deprived of a healthy mom? Is a third child worth risking their future? And if something happens to you that leaves your husband as the only parent? You’d risk your two children not having a mother just to have a girl?

Honestly it sounds horribly selfish. Your two children need a mother. You clearly don’t love them as much as you should if you would risk their future just so you can dress someone up in a frilly pink dress.

Ugh you sound like a misogynistic boymom. Wanting to have a girl is more than wanting to dress someone up in a frilly dress. If OP can get her medical issues under control, why shouldn’t she try to have a girl? Don’t bother lying to us that you have daughters.

Then she should do that. PP is right that OP should not risk furthering medical complications for a future child when she already has 2 current children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I started wearing the custom shoe inserts 6 months POSTPARTUM, so for 4 years now, I have been wearing them consistently. Even before my first pregnancy, my feet would hurt, but I never had joint pain. I would ask for many foot massages from DH, even with my first child. The foot doctor said I need the inserts due to anterior tendonitis, but that doesn't make a lot of sense because anterior tendonitis is supposed to heal. I have moved a few times to different states since seeing that doctor. A doctor here looked at my X-rays and said nothing appeared wrong. I tried not wearing them, and that sucked. If I don't wear them, my knee will start hurting.

OP, if you have continuous foot pain and haven’t had an MRI, might be time for that. See a doc and see where the MRI should be for. I got PRP for posterior tibial tendinitis which helped immensely.

Op here. Sorry but what is PRP?

OP here. I looked it up. They are injections, thanks. I haven't had an MRI. I have had blood work and x-rays done 2 different years. Doctors have been so dismissive I gave up, and it's so expensive. I should have had an MRI done when we traveled back to my home country. It would have been under $20 to get it done.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried taking Glucosamine/Chondroitin? Costco sells a good one under their Kirkland brand. I started having knee pain in my late 20s (not pregnancy related) and take half a dose a day and feel so much better. Might be worth a shot.

[Anonymous]

Have you been to an orthopedist? You can develop osteoarthritis in your 30s. The pregnancy weight gain and ligament loosening may have contributed to it. Or it could just be a natural evolution of how your body was going to age.

Pain in joints can also be inflammatory arthritis. I know you mentioned going to a rheumatologist, but there isn’t a definitive test for it other than sticking a needle in your joints. You may not fit the obvious profile for inflammatory arthritis but there are meds that you can try to see if they provide relief. They usually work within a day or 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you been to an orthopedist? You can develop osteoarthritis in your 30s. The pregnancy weight gain and ligament loosening may have contributed to it. Or it could just be a natural evolution of how your body was going to age.

Pain in joints can also be inflammatory arthritis. I know you mentioned going to a rheumatologist, but there isn’t a definitive test for it other than sticking a needle in your joints. You may not fit the obvious profile for inflammatory arthritis but there are meds that you can try to see if they provide relief. They usually work within a day or 2.

What meds are these?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you been to an orthopedist? You can develop osteoarthritis in your 30s. The pregnancy weight gain and ligament loosening may have contributed to it. Or it could just be a natural evolution of how your body was going to age.

Pain in joints can also be inflammatory arthritis. I know you mentioned going to a rheumatologist, but there isn’t a definitive test for it other than sticking a needle in your joints. You may not fit the obvious profile for inflammatory arthritis but there are meds that you can try to see if they provide relief. They usually work within a day or 2.

What meds are these?

Colchicine is one.

[Anonymous]

OP which rheumatologist are you seeing? I love Dr Berhanu. She will take your concerns seriously. It’ll take a couple of months to be seen by her so call their office asap. I do think you need to figure out what’s going on with your body before you consider getting pregnant. Get that mri as well. You need to figure out whether this pain is something you can control or not. Also how involved is your husband with the kids? Is he able to do most of the parenting if you are in pain? Also how much help do you have from friends, family and can you hire someone to help you?