I’m a family law attorney. Interview several. You need one who will tell you the law, tell what will likely happen if this goes to court, give you various options on how to get there from the most reasonable way to litigation so you can better make decisions. You need to listen to your attorney and if he/she tells you something you don’t want to hear (but in a professional manner) listen to him or her. I always tell people that they are the driver but I’m the navigator. If they don’t want to follow my direction, that’s fine but it will cost them more and they may end up worse. Bottom line: work with a trustworthy attorney who has your back but is practical and follow the advice |
Why are you interjecting yourself into my post? Start your own please! I do not have custody questions or concerns and you’re highjacking my thread. Stop it please. This is OP! |
Thanks. This is OP. I’m willing to do this and have no idea whether this person aka attorney is trustworthy. They were recommended. They made some good points about things I can ask for and I’m also divorcing someone who is unstable and who isn’t going to budge much. Who may not actually retain their own attorney. It’s scary. |
Thank you. |
As a general rule: the more "amicable" the divorce, the less expensive. If you can negotiate most of the agreement yourself and use your lawyers just to review the agreement, you'll spend the least. If you have an "aggressive" lawyer who markets themselves on fighting for you...well, you're going to spend a lot of money. You may or may not get more than if you'd just negotiated with each other on most of the terms.
FWIW: When I got divorced, my wife had hired one of those "aggressive" attorneys. She ended up agreeing to mediation, and we negotiated most of the divorce on our own (we didn't have kids, which made that easier). We also hired a mediator who specialized in divorces and could recommend collaborative lawyers. I got one of those collaborative lawyers and just ran the draft of the settlement agreement by him. He had some really good feedback. My ex's attorney kept trying to get me to do everything through her and was generally unhelpful and combative. I'm sure my ex spent a lot more on her attorney than I did. I'm not sure she got more out of the settlement because of that. The mediator was great, though. She kept things focused, moved us toward a resolution, and was overall much more inexpensive than it would have been to have our lawyers fight things out. So I guess my advice is to beware of "aggressive" lawyers unless you're really, really sure you need one. Many times, they'll just cost you more money without getting you that much value in return. |
I’m going through divorce now. Picked an attorney who was concise and to the point and not too emotional (that’s what my therapist is for). I try to keep meetings brief 30 minutes with a bullet point agenda and project plan (like work) to keep us (mostly me ) focused on moving forward
Also do your own marital balance sheet and whatever docs they need to save yourself cost |
i Thanks. I have adhd so bullet points will take effort. What is the marital balance sheet and whatever docs to save money? What is this and how can I save cost versus having attorney complete (if this is what you mean?). TIA |
I would say: “my ex is unpredictable and refused to engage in negotiations a year ago. what steps will you take to ensure the process moves forward?” |
Thank you for helping me. You’re kind. I’m a typically bright person and this important matter makes me feel inept and foggy. I may be disassociating some. I have suffered a lot of emotional abuse and manipulation from the person I plan to divorce. And I’m getting glimpses at the residual damage done to me. Makes me sad and I must prevail. |
Tell your attorney the truth always. Tell the court the truth always. I found the truth was what really sank my ex's case. |
Can you expound? That your ex told the truth sunk them or didn’t tell the truth sunk them? |