Help me dress my mid-40s self to start dating again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want the more grownup, 2024 version of well-fitting jeans and a "going out top" like what I wore on dates back I the 00s. What is that?

My version is well-fitting bootcut/slight flare jeans (I like brands like Paige, Frame, and AG) with a silk button-down (I prefer the 3/4-sleeve ones from L'Agence and get them from The Real Real) and low heels. I've worn some version of this out on dates and drinks with friends at a nice bar/restaurant. I also have a very classic, minimalist black leather jacket from AllSaints that I wear over a fitted t-shirt with the same jeans/heels.

For summer, I tend to go with fitted (but not tight) midi-length blue, black, or white denim with t-shirts and sandals (again with a low heel - I'm short and need some height but can't swing 3" heels anymore either).

Can you give some examples of tees you would wear on a date? Would also love some low heel sandal recs if you have them.

I wear the Rag & Bone slub knit tees -- they are fitted, keep their shape, and last for years. Yes, they are expensive but they last so much longer than Madewell or Gap or JCrew tees. The white can be a bit sheer. I'm 5'2" and 125lbs. I wear a S in these and they are fitted without being tight; you could probably do XS.
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/rag-and-bone-the-slub-tee/4571292 - Saks carries them in more colors.

I also have a few of these Frame v-necks, which are a nice silky cotton: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/frame-le-mid-rise-v-neck-t-shirt/5351679 These run a little big, so I wear XS.

Sandals I like - Cole Haan has been consistently comfortable for me and they look nice:
These are surprisingly comfortable, I have the black and brown: https://www.zappos.com/p/cole-haan-anica-lux-block-heel-sandals-black-leather/product/9932473/color/72

These are also great: https://www.zappos.com/p/cole-haan-josie-block-heel-sandal-65-mm-ivory-soft-gold-leather-natural-woven/product/9623691/color/1071224

Also, looking at my post I realize I left out the word "skirts" for the summer outfit instead of jeans. Like:
https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/ag-jeans-denim-split-midi-skirt-20692357.html
https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/veronica-beard-nazia-denim-tie-waist-pencil-skirt-20842728.html
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/joes-jeans-patch-pocket-denim-midi-skirt
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/reformation-jagger-denim-midi-skirt

[Anonymous]

OP you definitely don’t have to look “on the market.” If you agree to go on a date with someone, they know you’re on the market. That’s an advantage of online dating.

Just wear a dress you like and feel good in. Don’t overthink it. You ARE a wfh mom. If you’re wearing a dress and trying to seduce your date, that’s going to be more than enough signal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd go to a Tuckernuck store and ask one of the sales people to style you. They have great clothes for women in their 40s in a range of prices. Being styled in person is really the best way to find what you are looking for.

OP here. I actually have some stuff from Tuckernuck, but I don't think it reads as date attire. Like a lot of the dresses lean either "society wife at a pool party" (and don't get me wrong, I love a caftan, I have several) or kind of preppy short dresses that feel too buttoned up and preppy to wear on a date.

I am definitely open to working with a stylist, but don't think Tuckernuck is hitting the right note. I want the more grownup, 2024 version of well-fitting jeans and a "going out top" like what I wore on dates back I the 00s. What is that?

I agree OP and I will be following this thread. I'm about your size and think I'm cute (late) 40s so I'm interested in what people say. I'm married but I'm coming out of my lululemon covid fog uniform. I've found a few boutique pieces and totally random places that I love, but I dont have a go-to shop. Tuckernuck is too boxy to give our petite slim awesome frames that we work so hard for justice. I want to show mine off - everything else is looking like I'm in my 40s, my body/health is an asset - just being honest here because we're anonymous.

More suggestions please!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want the more grownup, 2024 version of well-fitting jeans and a "going out top" like what I wore on dates back I the 00s. What is that?

My version is well-fitting bootcut/slight flare jeans (I like brands like Paige, Frame, and AG) with a silk button-down (I prefer the 3/4-sleeve ones from L'Agence and get them from The Real Real) and low heels. I've worn some version of this out on dates and drinks with friends at a nice bar/restaurant. I also have a very classic, minimalist black leather jacket from AllSaints that I wear over a fitted t-shirt with the same jeans/heels.

For summer, I tend to go with fitted (but not tight) midi-length blue, black, or white denim with t-shirts and sandals (again with a low heel - I'm short and need some height but can't swing 3" heels anymore either).

Can you give some examples of tees you would wear on a date? Would also love some low heel sandal recs if you have them.

I wear the Rag & Bone slub knit tees -- they are fitted, keep their shape, and last for years. Yes, they are expensive but they last so much longer than Madewell or Gap or JCrew tees. The white can be a bit sheer. I'm 5'2" and 125lbs. I wear a S in these and they are fitted without being tight; you could probably do XS.
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/rag-and-bone-the-slub-tee/4571292 - Saks carries them in more colors.

I also have a few of these Frame v-necks, which are a nice silky cotton: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/frame-le-mid-rise-v-neck-t-shirt/5351679 These run a little big, so I wear XS.

Sandals I like - Cole Haan has been consistently comfortable for me and they look nice:
These are surprisingly comfortable, I have the black and brown: https://www.zappos.com/p/cole-haan-anica-lux-block-heel-sandals-black-leather/product/9932473/color/72

These are also great: https://www.zappos.com/p/cole-haan-josie-block-heel-sandal-65-mm-ivory-soft-gold-leather-natural-woven/product/9623691/color/1071224

Also, looking at my post I realize I left out the word "skirts" for the summer outfit instead of jeans. Like:
https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/ag-jeans-denim-split-midi-skirt-20692357.html
https://www.saksfifthavenue.com/product/veronica-beard-nazia-denim-tie-waist-pencil-skirt-20842728.html
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/joes-jeans-patch-pocket-denim-midi-skirt
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/reformation-jagger-denim-midi-skirt

Thank you! Checking out those tees and I think I'm going to order the gold sandals now, those look cute and not too high

I don't know about denim skirts-- I know they are on trend but don't feel like me. What about a satin slip skirt in a neutral color? Or like a black ribbed midi? Is this stuff too dated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would do a straight leg jean, pretty blouse, and flats, wedge, or low heel.

Jeans:
https://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/mother-the-tomcat-ankle-straight-leg-jeans-prod256100453?childItemId=NMT45Y3_&msid=4428382&navpath=cat000000_cat000730_cat63350748&page=0&position=2

Blouse:
https://www.sezane.com/us/product/flamine-blouse/ecru#size-2

https://www.sezane.com/us/product/emma-blouse/ecru-embroidery-black#size-4


Shoe:
https://www.zappos.com/p/cole-haan-josie-wedge-sandals-black-leather/product/9932461/color/72?utm_source=google&utm_medium=pla_g&utm_campaign=19809366959&utm_term=_o_58264793&utm_content=_g_143774770701_w_pla-1966379019746_l_EAIaIQobChMIgZbAtqfhhQMVdVxHAR0TmA39EAQYBCABEgIQ1_D_BwE&gbraid=0AAAAADnIwa9oamnwcIEzseNKIKKm-uy4m&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIgZbAtqfhhQMVdVxHAR0TmA39EAQYBCABEgIQ1_D_BwE

https://www.stuartweitzman.com/products/mirela-ii-espadrille-wedge/SE626-BK%2FNT.html?ogmap=PLA%7CACQ%7CGOOG%7CSTND%7Cm%7CSITEWIDE%7CMain%7CSW_RTL_Google_PLA_Signal_NA_Brand_National_PMax_NA_BAU%7CSW_RTL_Google_PLA_Signal_NA_Brand_National_PMax_NA_BAU%7C%7C21143715832%7C%7CUS&utm_campaign=SW_RTL_Google_PLA_Signal_NA_Brand_National_PMax_Sandals_BAU&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIgZbAtqfhhQMVdVxHAR0TmA39EAQYCSABEgKR6PD_BwE

https://www.zappos.com/p/gentle-souls-by-kenneth-cole-charli-x-band-buckle-ice/product/9675634/color/419

https://www.everlane.com/products/womens-leather-day-heel2-red-currant-suede

Those Sezane blouses are really pretty. Love.
-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dear OP.

Please. Believe in yourself. Wear what makes you HAPPY and CONFIDENT, because this, above all else, is what attracts people.

Would you like to dress in the same style as when you last dated? I promise you that you will look great. Would you like something else? Look at websites and their lookbooks. Peruse a Vogue catalogue to see what the outrageous looks like now (and how you can reduce it to approximately normal streetwear).

I'm the same age and the same size. I wear mini skirts, I wear short shorts (nothing hangs out), I wear long boho dresses, I wear clothes that highlight my smallish waist, I wear baggy trousers, I have a range of fun tops with interesting prints, or interesting structure - my favorite is the corset-style one. I want to have fun with clothes in this decade of my life.
Also, I'm happily married. I would wear these clothes regardless of my marital/dating status. They make me HAPPY.

You only have one life.

Fashion moves with time. Some of us want to move with it. It's not like we're trying to be something we're not. We are people who want to be fashionable, why stay in the late 90s or early 2000s because we are older? I'm with OP. I want to try new fashionable things that make me feel good and fresh for 40+, not for a 20 something. Nothing against people who rebel against this and want to wear thing that have historically made them feel good. Confidence IS bueaty! There are many ways to look and feel confident.

[Anonymous]

I’d wear jeans that are slightly loose but not baggy, like Levi’s Ribcage or 501s. A fitted top in a solid color to balance out proportions. Most of my fitted tops are from Aritzia’s Babaton Contour line. The ones with off-the-shoulder or deep square necklines are wildly flattering. Throw on a nice leather belt to emphasize your waist and you’re good to go for most date venues.

[Anonymous]

Just wear a dress you like and feel good in.

Being a size 0/2, OP should wear jeans. They are casual and yet they'd show her assets.
Styled with a nice top (soft sweater or a button down) and heels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d wear jeans that are slightly loose but not baggy, like Levi’s Ribcage or 501s. A fitted top in a solid color to balance out proportions. Most of my fitted tops are from Aritzia’s Babaton Contour line. The ones with off-the-shoulder or deep square necklines are wildly flattering. Throw on a nice leather belt to emphasize your waist and you’re good to go for most date venues.

Was not aware of that Aritzia line, thank you. I actually look really good in a square neck -- it's the one deep neckline that plays well with having very small boobs. How are people feeling about bodysuits, under a pair of jeans? Is that too fussy? I like the shape of this, with high waisted jeans:

https://www.aritzia.com/us/en/product/allocate-bodysuit/120114.html

[Anonymous]

Some brands to check out: Sezane (good job PP), Rag and Bone, Aritzia,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about Reiss or Karen Millen?

Reiss is crap quality. Karen Millen skews workwear.

[Anonymous]

don't know about denim skirts-- I know they are on trend but don't feel like me. What about a satin slip skirt in a neutral color? Or like a black ribbed midi? Is this stuff too dated?

Satin slip skirts and ribbed midis still seem in —at least they are appearing on tons of clothing store sites still. Personally, they read late-90s to me — like the styles from when I was in high school, and thus don’t feel current/mature to me. But that’s just my taste. (I’m PP who posted the Sezane tops.) It sounds like you could pull the off though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some brands to check out: Sezane (good job PP), Rag and Bone, Aritzia,

Aritzia is for twenty year olds.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree with you, OP, about Tuckernuck! Their clothes are beautiful but rather shapeless and don't seem to send out an open to dating vibe. I would just focus on showing off your figure in classy ways with fitted but not overly tight clothing.

[Anonymous]

Yeah Tuckernuck is a big store and I know they have a lot of dresses but the overall vibe is definitely “rich women dressed as little girls” and not “dtf divorcee.”