Teenage daughter's BF steals

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I shoplifted at that age and so did almost all of my friends. And one by one they got caught and we all stopped. I was an honor roll student and up to literally nothing else rebellious of note.

Unfortunately it’s even more prolific now with teens it seems like the rules are so liability based that few kids get caught anymore. One of my daughter’s friends did get arrested and hauled to juvie for four hours and I don’t think she’s a terrible kid.

The reality is, is that all of this teen stupidity has always happened and with regular kids. The difference is, that parents never used to know about any of it. The fact that she told her parent is kinda wild - gives you a chance to have some serious conversations with her about it. If you ban this boy, it’ll be the last time she tells you much. And she will still find ways to see him but just away from under your eyes

But OP’s DD made it a point to tell her parents (or at least her dad) about it—-and she knows it’s wrong. She’s basically asking for dad to condemn this and he just shrugged it off. Epic dad fail, tbh.

OP I’m sorry that your DH didn’t take this seriously. Just be sure he is the one to go down to the police station or mall security office to fetch your DD when the phone rings. Because this is on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he steal, gum from the store? TVs? Is he her age?

Shoplifting is pretty common in teens. Tell her he can be in real trouble for this and she’ll only continue to see him if he stops.

Not sure entirely - but I know she broke a few nails (tips) and he stole nail glue for her, LOL.

They are both 16. He has an older brother, 21, who lives at home. And I don't know the parents at all. I'm just a worried/concerned mom.

Your 16 year old is dating a guy whose parents you don’t know?
This is weird.
So I’m
Going to bow out of this thread because we are just on different parenting planets. She’s not in college. And imo, influences on your daughter should at least be known to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he steal, gum from the store? TVs? Is he her age?

Shoplifting is pretty common in teens. Tell her he can be in real trouble for this and she’ll only continue to see him if he stops.

This is only relevant in determining the scale of the theft/damage.
It is not, however, irrelevant in determining his values in OP’s discussion with her DD about whether their values align.

I don’t know how many teens PP knows, but I can assure you, OP, that the kind of teens I know (and that our DD makes it a point to associate with) do NOT shoplift as a common behavior. Do not excuse this.
It’s ethically wrong.

I don’t think all teens shoplift but I assure you, the kids you are stereotyping either direction don’t fit your mold. How on earth would you know if they shoplift or not?

I know quite a few high performing academic future ivy kids who do it (have done it) and the only reason I do is bc I got it on a phone search. My own smart high achieving daughter isn’t stupid enough to actually share that info with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't force her to stop seeing him. It won't work, it'll backfire, and she'll stop telling you or your DH things that bother her.

You can - and should - talk to her about her values, what she thinks makes a good person, whether she wants to surround herself with people who make choices like that. You can say all the things you are worried about - her getting in trouble by association, etc. Walk her through the consequences. It's her decision, but you still have a role in helping her figure it out.

Thanks - this has been my battle. I know I tend to react emotionally. And this is a delicate situation so I need to handle it right. She's a smart girl so I'm just shocked at her choices and very disappointed.

I would talk to her like an adult. Let her know that you will respect her choices and in turn she will need to respect yours. You and your DH have no tolerance for stealing and her BF will not be allowed in your house without an escort. This includes the bathroom - take it or leave it.

I would also tell her that if she suspects him of stealing something in a store that she needs to excuse herself and wait outside so she does not get caught up in an arrest.

All you can do at this point is guide and give advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he steal, gum from the store? TVs? Is he her age?

Shoplifting is pretty common in teens. Tell her he can be in real trouble for this and she’ll only continue to see him if he stops.

Not sure entirely - but I know she broke a few nails (tips) and he stole nail glue for her, LOL.

They are both 16. He has an older brother, 21, who lives at home. And I don't know the parents at all. I'm just a worried/concerned mom.

This isn't LOL. I know in DC and MD they have decriminalized crime, but this isn't funny.

If they ever travel out of state he will quickly find out that most places do indeed arrest shoplifters. Take a look at the Florida thread of a man getting a felony arrest for keying a car for examples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he steal, gum from the store? TVs? Is he her age?

Shoplifting is pretty common in teens. Tell her he can be in real trouble for this and she’ll only continue to see him if he stops.

Not sure entirely - but I know she broke a few nails (tips) and he stole nail glue for her, LOL.

They are both 16. He has an older brother, 21, who lives at home. And I don't know the parents at all. I'm just a worried/concerned mom.

Your 16 year old is dating a guy whose parents you don’t know?
This is weird.
So I’m
Going to bow out of this thread because we are just on different parenting planets. She’s not in college. And imo, influences on your daughter should at least be known to you.

Ewww how much of a helicopter are you? The best part about high school is not having to meet all the parents of friends and def not meeting parents of kids they are dating, esp the first few weeks like OP said.

They aren’t that serious. You do not meet parents. That is weird.

[Anonymous]

Dad did fine in the moment. Now you follow up and discuss how she wants to handle. She may already be thinking “ I’ve got to dump this guy”. She should have taken the nail glue back and said she accidentally walked out with it without paying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he steal, gum from the store? TVs? Is he her age?

Shoplifting is pretty common in teens. Tell her he can be in real trouble for this and she’ll only continue to see him if he stops.

This is only relevant in determining the scale of the theft/damage.
It is not, however, irrelevant in determining his values in OP’s discussion with her DD about whether their values align.

I don’t know how many teens PP knows, but I can assure you, OP, that the kind of teens I know (and that our DD makes it a point to associate with) do NOT shoplift as a common behavior. Do not excuse this.
It’s ethically wrong.

I don’t think all teens shoplift but I assure you, the kids you are stereotyping either direction don’t fit your mold. How on earth would you know if they shoplift or not?

I know quite a few high performing academic future ivy kids who do it (have done it) and the only reason I do is bc I got it on a phone search. My own smart high achieving daughter isn’t stupid enough to actually share that info with me.

The stereotypes quite a few of the posters have here are jaw dropping. You have to wonder if they ever really had any close relationships with people. If so you’d know how common all people in all walks of life have done things in their youth that they don’t want their kids doing.

People shouldn’t have to describe their kids when discussing teenage issues unless it’s related to the issue. Teen shoplifting involves all types of teens. Compulsive shoplifting is a different story. That’s why it would be a good idea to phone the mother. You might get some insight on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he steal, gum from the store? TVs? Is he her age?

Shoplifting is pretty common in teens. Tell her he can be in real trouble for this and she’ll only continue to see him if he stops.

Not sure entirely - but I know she broke a few nails (tips) and he stole nail glue for her, LOL.

They are both 16. He has an older brother, 21, who lives at home. And I don't know the parents at all. I'm just a worried/concerned mom.

Your 16 year old is dating a guy whose parents you don’t know?
This is weird.
So I’m
Going to bow out of this thread because we are just on different parenting planets. She’s not in college. And imo, influences on your daughter should at least be known to you.

Ewww how much of a helicopter are you? The best part about high school is not having to meet all the parents of friends and def not meeting parents of kids they are dating, esp the first few weeks like OP said.

They aren’t that serious. You do not meet parents. That is weird.

I wish you do not meet parents. I always met the miserable ones.

[Anonymous]

Tell her - you don’t need to steal. He doesn’t need to steal. I’ll buy you nail glue. It is 1,000% not worth ruining your future or his over nail glue. I want the best for both of you, but the security guards at cvs do not. Cut the crap & I’ll help you figure out how to get what you need.
Drill into her that she should never steal, & he shouldn’t either, & that you have adults who will help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he steal, gum from the store? TVs? Is he her age?

Shoplifting is pretty common in teens. Tell her he can be in real trouble for this and she’ll only continue to see him if he stops.

Not sure entirely - but I know she broke a few nails (tips) and he stole nail glue for her, LOL.

They are both 16. He has an older brother, 21, who lives at home. And I don't know the parents at all. I'm just a worried/concerned mom.

Your 16 year old is dating a guy whose parents you don’t know?
This is weird.
So I’m
Going to bow out of this thread because we are just on different parenting planets. She’s not in college. And imo, influences on your daughter should at least be known to you.

I have never met the parents of any boy/girlfriends of my teens except for prom and graduation.

[Anonymous]

To the folks who find “the best part of high school is not meeting other parents”, etc., that’s pretty sad, but good luck to you. As PP said upthread, you’re on a different parenting planet. you’re free to abdicate supervision of your teenagers and deal with the associate consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Since your boyfriend steals, I'm sure you understand why I can't allow him in this house. And again, since he steals, I'm sure you can understand that I can't allow you to go to any stores or restaurants with him so you won't get arrested as an accomplice when he gets caught, which eventually he will."

This!
All of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the folks who find “the best part of high school is not meeting other parents”, etc., that’s pretty sad, but good luck to you. As PP said upthread, you’re on a different parenting planet. you’re free to abdicate supervision of your teenagers and deal with the associate consequences.

Can you stop being the one person that responds lol

We get it. Your kid starts dating someone and you scream I need to meet their parents. Totally normal haha