Lost all interest in spouse

[Anonymous]

Depending on the country, join a local CrossFit gym or yoga or similar. Go regularly and you may be able to “reset” your thinking patterns and start getting excited about life again. Worth a try - sounds like you are stuck in a rut. Been there - good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I just don't love him anymore. I move abroad to support his career a couple of years ago, and I have been struggling with long-term unemployment. I feel a lot of resentment. This is only supposed to be a temporary stepping stone for his career, but I'm at my wits' end. We still have over a year left here.

I feel sad and lonely. I don't fit in with the local culture (which is not particularly inviting to foreigners) and I don't fit in well with the expat groups (most tend to be a bit older with kids, and much wealthier than we are -- also a lot of toxicity complaining about the locals). I took some language classes and I've worked in some crappy temp jobs, but my life still feels really empty. I take care of myself pretty well at least, but have nothing else going for me, nothing to look forward to anymore. It's very hard to see him flourish in his career.

Has anyone been there?

First- you need to fix that.

[Anonymous]

I would try to focus on making your last year bearable in your location. Volunteer for a cause you care about. Join Bumble BFF to make friends. Explore the country on your own. Find a new hobby, whether it is a dance class or running group.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks a lot for the suggestions and replies.

It's kind of an unpleasant situation because this was supposed to be our last "temporary" stop before he finds tenure as an academic. He has yet to receive an offer for a tenure-track job though. He is going to apply for some grants that will buy him more time but will likely place him in a new country (neither the US nor our current one). If it comes down to that, I think I'll return to the US and start over.

To make matters worse, I have FINALLY had interviews but I will not have the right to work once he leaves. I feel like I'm waiting to live.

[Anonymous]

Love for something else, even if it’s just a hobby. What’s the language btw? That’s something you can make a lot of progress on in a year and might help you with jobs with you return.

[Anonymous]

Wherever you go, there you are…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I just don't love him anymore. I move abroad to support his career a couple of years ago, and I have been struggling with long-term unemployment. I feel a lot of resentment. This is only supposed to be a temporary stepping stone for his career, but I'm at my wits' end. We still have over a year left here.

I feel sad and lonely. I don't fit in with the local culture (which is not particularly inviting to foreigners) and I don't fit in well with the expat groups (most tend to be a bit older with kids, and much wealthier than we are -- also a lot of toxicity complaining about the locals). I took some language classes and I've worked in some crappy temp jobs, but my life still feels really empty. I take care of myself pretty well at least, but have nothing else going for me, nothing to look forward to anymore. It's very hard to see him flourish in his career.

Has anyone been there?

About this part in bold - OP?

Please don’t let this go. While you are there, please let the other expats know their toxic comments about the local people are toxic and unwelcome. Let them know they really need to do better.

TIA!

[Anonymous]

flick da bean.

[Anonymous]

What country, OP?

[Anonymous]

Have you transplanted before, OP? I truly think that if you don’t already know people there, it takes five years to really get into the rhythm of a new city, and honestly ten before you feel like you have some people and know your way around. Especially in non-American countries where people aren’t so immediately friendly and open the way we are here. Can you just string together temp jobs (like teaching English) for the next few months so you can save up for airfare for a break back to the US? Like an extra one without your DH. I think that would go a long way towards saving your sanity!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wherever you go, there you are…

True

[Anonymous]

Do you have children? Do you want children? My advice would vary depending on your answers,OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I just don't love him anymore. I move abroad to support his career a couple of years ago, and I have been struggling with long-term unemployment. I feel a lot of resentment. This is only supposed to be a temporary stepping stone for his career, but I'm at my wits' end. We still have over a year left here.

I feel sad and lonely. I don't fit in with the local culture (which is not particularly inviting to foreigners) and I don't fit in well with the expat groups (most tend to be a bit older with kids, and much wealthier than we are -- also a lot of toxicity complaining about the locals). I took some language classes and I've worked in some crappy temp jobs, but my life still feels really empty. I take care of myself pretty well at least, but have nothing else going for me, nothing to look forward to anymore. It's very hard to see him flourish in his career.

Has anyone been there?

About this part in bold - OP?

Please don’t let this go. While you are there, please let the other expats know their toxic comments about the local people are toxic and unwelcome. Let them know they really need to do better.

TIA!

Yeah, right. That will really help OP fit in - criticize the expat people you are trying to make some kind of a connection with. Plus while she's at it, I guess you expect her to go to the locals and tell them to be more inviting to foreigners?! LOLOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks a lot for the suggestions and replies.

It's kind of an unpleasant situation because this was supposed to be our last "temporary" stop before he finds tenure as an academic. He has yet to receive an offer for a tenure-track job though. He is going to apply for some grants that will buy him more time but will likely place him in a new country (neither the US nor our current one). If it comes down to that, I think I'll return to the US and start over.

To make matters worse, I have FINALLY had interviews but I will not have the right to work once he leaves. I feel like I'm waiting to live.

You both have a right to pursue careers that bring you a sense of accomplishment and purpose.

What if you found a job in, say, NYC, D.C., LA, Boston, Seattle (i.e. someplace culturally rich) and your husband were to spend winter and summer breaks together, with you taking vacation time in the summer to meet him if he happens to be doing a fellowship somewhere cool?

If you otherwise love this person, you can find a way to have both a great relationship and a satisfying career if you think out of the box.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks a lot for the suggestions and replies.

It's kind of an unpleasant situation because this was supposed to be our last "temporary" stop before he finds tenure as an academic. He has yet to receive an offer for a tenure-track job though. He is going to apply for some grants that will buy him more time but will likely place him in a new country (neither the US nor our current one). If it comes down to that, I think I'll return to the US and start over.

To make matters worse, I have FINALLY had interviews but I will not have the right to work once he leaves. I feel like I'm waiting to live.

You both have a right to pursue careers that bring you a sense of accomplishment and purpose.

What if you found a job in, say, NYC, D.C., LA, Boston, Seattle (i.e. someplace culturally rich) and your husband were to spend winter and summer breaks together, with you taking vacation time in the summer to meet him if he happens to be doing a fellowship somewhere cool?

If you otherwise love this person, you can find a way to have both a great relationship and a satisfying career if you think out of the box.

Thank you. yes, this is the arrangement we are discussing. That way, I could at least build up more experience without worrying about a language barrier. It would probably mean no kids (I'm approaching mid-30s), but that's life I guess.