Intimidated about being an outsider

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re not poor and you should be able to afford 20-30 k tuition on your income while still meeting regular savings goals. If that’s not realistic for you, you have a debt problem. Keep your kid in public until you pay off enough of your debt that you can direct that cash flow to tuition.

Ignore this racist, classist idiot. Apply for financial aid, OP. Plenty of people do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not poor and you should be able to afford 20-30 k tuition on your income while still meeting regular savings goals. If that’s not realistic for you, you have a debt problem. Keep your kid in public until you pay off enough of your debt that you can direct that cash flow to tuition.

Ignore this racist, classist idiot. Apply for financial aid, OP. Plenty of people do.

Plenty of white people have too much debt. Why do you assume that this poster is a minority? Whose the racist now?

[Anonymous]

OP, we’re also pretty new to private and independent schools. We both grew up lower-middle class and went to public school (private wasn’t even remotely an option). So we also felt like outsiders when we switched our kids to private during elementary.

A couple of things that we’ve learned:
- “community” and what you will bring/contribute — volunteering, donating, showing up at events throughout the year, or otherwise — matter a lot, at least at our school. So you might be evaluated on that basis during the interview process, not just how awesome your kid is. It feels like our school wants mostly those super-involved PTA/class parent types from public school.

- If you miss the application deadline at a school that you think would be a good fit, reach out to them anyway. There often are spots available off-cycle.

- We find the 10-month payment plan to make it doable. I try not to think about the aggregate number too much.

- There are lots of other “outsiders” there too and we’re all happy to find each other.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Find a classical school. Often much less expensive but still a very rigorous education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find a classical school. Often much less expensive but still a very rigorous education.

This is an excellent suggestion. The close in suburbs in VA and MD have many schools like this with tuition that is a reasonable expense for a family with OP’s income.

Dual income families with that income are not sought by inside the beltway privates. The unspoken expectation is that every family will have a single income earner making base 500k with a SAHM who can serve on a part time free basis with school operations. Many of them will state this on the tour. I recall one bringing this up when I toured it. We chose not to apply for this reason not because we couldn’t afford it financially but because we are dual income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't overthink it. Apply to schools you think would be a good fit, apply for financial aid as well and see where the chips fall.

This, and just be yourself. Privates often have a wide range of families.

+ yes. I’m from a LMC/MC background. I gravitate towards people who came from a similar background at my kids’ private school.

[Anonymous]

Look at Friends Community School. It is Quaker but not heavy on the religious aspect.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like there is a lot more than being bored at school and a private may or may not help.

[Anonymous]

Dual income families with that income are not sought by inside the beltway privates. The unspoken expectation is that every family will have a single income earner making base 500k with a SAHM who can serve on a part time free basis with school operations.

OP here. This point, along with the post immediately before it with the point about community volunteer work is the type of unique bit of information that someone not in the "scene" would not have, so thank you. And thank you to others who offered encouraging comments. We have 2 interviews coming and I will push forward with my list and complete the additional schools this week.

[Anonymous]

Stay in PG. at least no one will ever make you or your child feel unwelcome. Take your 20-30K a year and supplement your child’s experience. Take them to Japan, get them math tutors, buy a grand piano for them.

Save so that you are in a better position by the time that high school comes around.

[Anonymous]

OP, you may want to look at Key or ICS in Annapolis. I’m pretty sure they have buses from PG County.

[Anonymous]

Just want to wish you luck! Sounds like private school will be a better choice. One person told us not to worry about acceptance by the other parents and focus on what's best for the kid, and that has helped us in situations of disgust for the "insiders."

[Anonymous]

OP, are you looking at Alexandria schools by any chance? There are PG families at our private and you will be welcomed! Good luck, you will do great.

[Anonymous]

Op, my family was an outsider. A generation later, I’m an insider. My parents did their best for their kids and have a lot to show for it. I know you will too.

[Anonymous]

I’m white, LMC upbringing, now UMC. I have one in an expensive (over $40k for ES) DC private. I had intended to do public, but this particular child does better in smaller groups so decided to give private a try. I was not intimidated but l kind of wish l had been? Like l was frank with other parents that l hadn’t initially planned on private and would see how it goes for my kid. I think l turned off the private school lifers immediately. I don’t feel shunned, but l don’t feel welcome. The school is maybe half lifers, half more diverse, so my kid has friends but not as many as l would have hoped for.