Timeline of relationship milestones for a single mom with kids

[Anonymous]

I personally find it wonderful that there is no time pressure associated with a biological clock and not the same financial pressure of needing a man who can support a family at whatever level I deem important. Those things are solved and now it’s about values, goals, compatibility and companionship; can commit based on those things and it the pressure to settle or compromise for a ticking clock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been in this phase for 3 years now. I will share what I’ve learned.

1) if you want to remarry ONLY date men who are serious about that in word and action
2) get to know them in social settings as soon as possible
3) many people will try to Shane you into not introducing your kids for long periods of time. It’s just hate. Society hates to see a woman doing her own thing and taking charge of her happiness. You need to be careful with your kids. There are crazies out here and you don’t want to bring harm to your kids. Use good judgement. But meeting the kids doesn’t have to be, and probably shouldn’t be….hey here moms new boyfriend. You start off as this is moms friend. You let the guy hang out with you and the kids a little.he plays cool uncle. This is important because men who are serious want to know your kids so they can determine if they can see merging lives. You also wanna gauge what he’s like with your kids.

Good luck!

I'm the pp who said 6mons. I think it's more to do with your point 1, making sure they are serious. Why would I want to introduce a bunch of randos to my kids only to have the relationship not work out quickly? I think moving slower is safer for all parties involved, including the guy aka STB step dad. It's definitely not hate!

I do disagree with not introducing the kids until you are engaged. You definitely need to see how they interact together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been in this phase for 3 years now. I will share what I’ve learned.

1) if you want to remarry ONLY date men who are serious about that in word and action
2) get to know them in social settings as soon as possible
3) many people will try to Shane you into not introducing your kids for long periods of time. It’s just hate. Society hates to see a woman doing her own thing and taking charge of her happiness. You need to be careful with your kids. There are crazies out here and you don’t want to bring harm to your kids. Use good judgement. But meeting the kids doesn’t have to be, and probably shouldn’t be….hey here moms new boyfriend. You start off as this is moms friend. You let the guy hang out with you and the kids a little.he plays cool uncle. This is important because men who are serious want to know your kids so they can determine if they can see merging lives. You also wanna gauge what he’s like with your kids.

Good luck!

I'm the pp who said 6mons. I think it's more to do with your point 1, making sure they are serious. Why would I want to introduce a bunch of randos to my kids only to have the relationship not work out quickly? I think moving slower is safer for all parties involved, including the guy aka STB step dad. It's definitely not hate!

I do disagree with not introducing the kids until you are engaged. You definitely need to see how they interact together.

In my experience the men who were most serious wanted to meet my kids, because they saw mothering as an important part of who I was and wanted to know all of me. Timelines are arbitrary. Things depend on factors like how well you know yourself and how much time you spend with the man you are dating. There are some guys who I could spend 3 months with that’s equivalent to spend 1.5 years with another guy who is super busy or not as emotionally available. Most men who go into the role of step dad will be second to the woman they love. Being a little more open (in a responsible way) with your kids shows him that you think he matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been in this phase for 3 years now. I will share what I’ve learned.

1) if you want to remarry ONLY date men who are serious about that in word and action
2) get to know them in social settings as soon as possible
3) many people will try to Shane you into not introducing your kids for long periods of time. It’s just hate. Society hates to see a woman doing her own thing and taking charge of her happiness. You need to be careful with your kids. There are crazies out here and you don’t want to bring harm to your kids. Use good judgement. But meeting the kids doesn’t have to be, and probably shouldn’t be….hey here moms new boyfriend. You start off as this is moms friend. You let the guy hang out with you and the kids a little.he plays cool uncle. This is important because men who are serious want to know your kids so they can determine if they can see merging lives. You also wanna gauge what he’s like with your kids.

Good luck!

I'm the pp who said 6mons. I think it's more to do with your point 1, making sure they are serious. Why would I want to introduce a bunch of randos to my kids only to have the relationship not work out quickly? I think moving slower is safer for all parties involved, including the guy aka STB step dad. It's definitely not hate!

I do disagree with not introducing the kids until you are engaged. You definitely need to see how they interact together.

TY