Kid has announced she wants to be an Olympic swimmer. How to respond?

[Anonymous]

That's nice, dear.

[Anonymous]

OP here. To be clear, I don't think my kid is going to the Olympics. I'm asking how to respond in a way that is encouraging, since she really enjoys this activity and I think it would be great for her personally to keep pursuing it, without building up a dream that is 99.9999999999% a pipe dream.

Agree we need to look into year round swim options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To be clear, I don't think my kid is going to the Olympics. I'm asking how to respond in a way that is encouraging, since she really enjoys this activity and I think it would be great for her personally to keep pursuing it, without building up a dream that is 99.9999999999% a pipe dream.

Agree we need to look into year round swim options.

C’mon OP. It’s an anonymous forum. You can admit that you have very high hopes for your 8 year old’s swimming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's too young for this criticism ... but later, no one should get accolades for what they want to do. They get congratulations and accolades when they do it. Or for the hard work they actually do, in hopes of achieving their big goal.

I mean, I wasn't going to congratulate her for having a dream (though I think it is good to dream big, especially when you are very young). I don't think anyone is suggesting giving her "accolades" for wanting to do something.

But that also doesn't mean I need to say "yeah, you and a bunch of other people, not gonna happen." I'm looking for the right balance of supportive/encouraging and realistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To be clear, I don't think my kid is going to the Olympics. I'm asking how to respond in a way that is encouraging, since she really enjoys this activity and I think it would be great for her personally to keep pursuing it, without building up a dream that is 99.9999999999% a pipe dream.

Agree we need to look into year round swim options.

C’mon OP. It’s an anonymous forum. You can admit that you have very high hopes for your 8 year old’s swimming.

I mean, I am THRILLED about her swimming -- she loves it, she's good at it, she's fast. I'm not going to pretend I don't love it. But I mean it when I say that if she said she wanted to quit tomorrow, it would be fine with me. I really do just want her to live a happy and fulfilled life. At the moment, that includes swimming, but if it ever doesn't, I'd support her in quitting. I'm definitely not trying to live out some athletic dream vicariously through her. Even in my heart of hearts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To be clear, I don't think my kid is going to the Olympics. I'm asking how to respond in a way that is encouraging, since she really enjoys this activity and I think it would be great for her personally to keep pursuing it, without building up a dream that is 99.9999999999% a pipe dream.

Agree we need to look into year round swim options.

C’mon OP. It’s an anonymous forum. You can admit that you have very high hopes for your 8 year old’s swimming.

I was actually thinking the opposite - that OP wanted to prevent high hopes from her daughter. Kind of crush the dream without crushing her. I have those thoughts about my DD who says she wants to be a singer but is absolutely tone deaf. I have yet to tell her she’s tone deaf, but I will if she ever tells me she wants to audition for America’s Got Talent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's too young for this criticism ... but later, no one should get accolades for what they want to do. They get congratulations and accolades when they do it. Or for the hard work they actually do, in hopes of achieving their big goal.

I mean, I wasn't going to congratulate her for having a dream (though I think it is good to dream big, especially when you are very young). I don't think anyone is suggesting giving her "accolades" for wanting to do something.

But that also doesn't mean I need to say "yeah, you and a bunch of other people, not gonna happen." I'm looking for the right balance of supportive/encouraging and realistic.

Is this your first kid? An only child, maybe? ALL kids that age “dream big.” My 9 year old wants to win an Oscar.

I cannot believe an 8 year old tells you she wants to swim in the Olympics and you get this worked up.

[Anonymous]

So many bitter people jealous of a small child with a dream.

OP, tell your kid that Olympic swimmers work very hard for many years, so if she wants to try for that, she needs to get to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol, OP. She’s 8 and you’re already thinking of high school and college and beyond.

The poor kid.

+1

At 8 I wanted to be an astronaut. I had a better chance than she does of making the Olympics. Smile support her and most importantly don't push. Let her drive that ambition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many bitter people jealous of a small child with a dream.

OP, tell your kid that Olympic swimmers work very hard for many years, so if she wants to try for that, she needs to get to work.

No one is “jealous.” We’re just calling a spade a spade.

OP’s own words:

“I am THRILLED about her swimming -- she loves it, she's good at it, she's fast. I'm not going to pretend I don't love it.”

You can’t talk like that about an 8 year and then say “but, hey no big deal if she quits I’m cool.”

OP is really, really into an 8 year old and swimming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To be clear, I don't think my kid is going to the Olympics. I'm asking how to respond in a way that is encouraging, since she really enjoys this activity and I think it would be great for her personally to keep pursuing it, without building up a dream that is 99.9999999999% a pipe dream.

Agree we need to look into year round swim options.

Year round is your first step and is a good way to encourage her passion without the Olympics being the end game. Year round swim is very different than summer swim, but 8 is a good age to start and see if she really has a passion for swim. My kid is 11 and as it turns out it is her passion, she started year round at 9 and loves it (the next month is her least favorite time of year because there is no swim). She’s grown out of Olympic dreams, but she’s good and wants to swim in college and now has an understanding that work ethic plays a big part. She loves following her favorite Olympic level swimmers (she was up early to watch finals of the recent World Championships live) and wants her birthday and Xmas present to be a trip to the Olympic trials. I don’t think you need to just “yes, dear” her (I know she’s only 8 but that just seems unnecessarily condescending and unsupportive), let her explore whether this is a passion for her and support her in that effort.

[Anonymous]

Does she swim year round yet? I get the sense she isn’t. If not, you really don’t know if she’s good. I mean, she may be amazing for summer swim but you don’t know if she’s a good swimmer overall. Summer swim has no dive blocks, no flip turns (for an 8 year old), and all events are very short. This is why some kids (including older ones) make it to all stars with NVSL and they don’t even swim club. They have great swimmer bodies and they know the strokes. A boy on my son’s varsity team swims summer swim. He went to all stars this year as a 13-14 year old (really 15 years old) in 2 strokes. Clearly a strong summer swimmer. On the varsity swim team, however, his failure to swim club is evident. He’s a very mediocre swimmer, since all but the 50 free are longer events.

You sound excited at the prospect and that’s where I’d suggest you put the brakes on a bit. She’s competitive and fast- which is great. She loves swimming - even better. Club swimming is completely different than summer swim. Try it first and see if she still likes it.

[Anonymous]

I really wanted to swim in the Olympics at that age (reality: I was a mediocre division 3 swimmer, and I enthusiastically watch Olympic swimming as an adult)

Just tell her to keep working hard at improving her times and getting personal bests. And see where that goes.

[Anonymous]

Just be honest with her, one small step at a time. First, tell her she needs to be the fastest/best of her age group in the team. Once she did that, move the goal to a next one. If she keeps going, even if she can't make the Olympic, she can get D1 scholarship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To be clear, I don't think my kid is going to the Olympics. I'm asking how to respond in a way that is encouraging, since she really enjoys this activity and I think it would be great for her personally to keep pursuing it, without building up a dream that is 99.9999999999% a pipe dream.

Agree we need to look into year round swim options.

Year round is your first step and is a good way to encourage her passion without the Olympics being the end game. Year round swim is very different than summer swim, but 8 is a good age to start and see if she really has a passion for swim. My kid is 11 and as it turns out it is her passion, she started year round at 9 and loves it (the next month is her least favorite time of year because there is no swim). She’s grown out of Olympic dreams, but she’s good and wants to swim in college and now has an understanding that work ethic plays a big part. She loves following her favorite Olympic level swimmers (she was up early to watch finals of the recent World Championships live) and wants her birthday and Xmas present to be a trip to the Olympic trials. I don’t think you need to just “yes, dear” her (I know she’s only 8 but that just seems unnecessarily condescending and unsupportive), let her explore whether this is a passion for her and support her in that effort.

Thank you for this, it's really helpful. I had previously thought 8 was too soon for club swim, and to be honest I'm not sure if I am ready for it because it's a commitment for us, too. But she told me recently that no matter how she's feeling, getting in the pool makes her happy, so the idea of stopping for the next 9 months sounds mean, tbh. I'm hoping to find a relatively relaxed club atmosphere in budget that will let us ease in. Proximity is going to be big too.

But thanks for sharing your experience. I agree I don't 'want to just say "that's nice, dear" -- that' the kind of thing that would have hurt my feelings when I was her age because I agree, it's patronizing. But I want to be careful what I say, too, because the combination of very competitive, obsessed with swimming, and a goal like this feels mildly stressful to me. I don't want her to fall apart when it doesn't happen.

Also want to note I'm a total swimming newbie. Grew up in an area where swimming was not big, I learned to swim but like in a "I won't drown and could use it for exercise if I don't have to share a lane because I'm so slow" way. The level of intensity around swimming here is overwhelming at times and I guess I'm a little unsure about navigating it, but I wound up with a swimming obsessed kid. Just trying to figure it out!