so upset

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thank you all for sharing your views. I talked to DH. Last week was a tough one for him. I can understand that. But going forward I intend to ask him to help more with the kids over the week ends. I may take a couple of hours off and leave him with them (very intense kids). We both need time to recharge our batteries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one that doesn't see this as a big deal? All these holidays- birthdays, mother's day, valentine's, xmas, etc, etc - so what?

Do you love him? Does he love you? Does he need to waste money on some gift for you to know that? If the only way he can show you he cares about you is on these specific days with material items then are you even in love?

You both work, full time, why stress about remembering a few days a year? Why not just make it a point to make it known to each other, always -everyday, that you love and care for each other. Words are free. Express your love that way, it will last forever as memories and reassurance instead of some material possession that will get broken/ go out of style/ wither and die/ collect dust.

No, you are not alone. After almost 25 years of marriage, DH and I both scoff at the need to fill the coffers of Hallmark and the gift industry by recognizing all of these silly holidays. We don't even exchange Christmas gifts. My husband shows me his love every day by the effort he puts into his job and by coming home with a cheerful attitude. The part about not helping with the kids is much more important, and if you can't broach it in a nonconfrontational way, I strongly second the suggestion for therapy. My narcissistic husband was a jerk when my kids were young, but therapy helped to soften him (as did the kids just growing up and becoming more manageable, frankly), and now he is a gem. In our case, the Church has also helped to get both of us to step outside ourselves and undrstand the sacrifices that love and marriage require. Finally, time away is a GREAT idea. I once spent 10 days out of town to care for a dying relative, and when I returned home, my husband asked, "Where would you like the statute erected in your honor?" Sometimes they just don't get how hard it is until they have to walk in your shoes for a few days! Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Oops, that would be "statue," not "statute." My conscience reminding me I have a brief due tomorrow and to quit surfing DCUM!