Moms of mixed-race babies....

[Anonymous]

My parents are different races, and growing up, I was often told that I looked nothing like my Asian mother. I know this wasn't intended to be insulting, but really, I couldn't help but hear, "You don't look like I think an Asian person is supposed to look!"

I usually responded, "Oh really? Some people say I have her smile," or something like that. OP, I highly doubt that your child has no resemblance to you, and I encourage you to find a gentle way to let people know that they are being ignorant.

[Anonymous]

OP those are things that would have been said regardless of race. The thing that get me is when people ask me if my children were adopted from Korea or China.

[Anonymous]

We're not mixed race, but DD looked A LOT like DH the first few years and little like me. People commented on it all the time. Friends, family, strangers at the mall.

I wasn't at all offended, and would just smile and say things like, "I know, right? His genes must be really strong!" or "I know, right? Good thing I think he's cute!"

[Anonymous]

My friend is white and her husband is Asian. She is often asked if her kids are adopted

I have a friend like this too. The kids definitely look Asian, and she says people always say "oh, they're so cute - where are they from?" (meaning which country did she adopt them from)

I love her standard response, though. "My uterus!"

[Anonymous]

I've read that there's a societal impetus to reinforce paternity, since maternity isn't something that can easily be faked. This dates back to times when paternity couldn't be definitively determined, so people would say how much a baby looked like his/her dad to encourage the notion that the baby was biologically the dad's. It's an interesting notion, and there may be something to it, given the fact that people are usually saying the kids looks like the dad.

[Anonymous]

DH is mixed race and looks nothing like his mother. Same now for DC! Honestly, we've always only laughed about it and same for his family. Never thought much more into.

[Anonymous]

Actually babies are more likely to look like their fathers.

REALLY?
The Claim: Babies Tend to Look Like Their Fathers
By ANAHAD O'CONNOR

Published: March 22, 2005

THE FACTS It's one of the first questions to cross a new parent's mind. Does the baby look like me? Studies suggest that, for fathers, the answer is usually yes.

In 1995, a study in Nature put the question to the test by having 122 people try to match pictures of children they didn't know - at one year, 10 years and 20 years- with photos of their mothers and fathers.

The group members correctly paired about half of the infants with their fathers, but their success rate was much lower matching infants and mothers. And matching the 20-year-olds with either parent proved to be just as hard.

The authors offered an evolutionary explanation for their findings: the phenomenon is a natural paternity test.

A father, unlike a mother, cannot always be sure a baby is his. If he spots a resemblance, the authors argued, he will know the child is his and will be more likely to protect and care for it, benefiting both mother and baby.

Another study, published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior in 2003, seems to support this.

The researchers took head shots of a group of people and morphed them with photos of baby faces without the subjects' knowledge.

When they presented the subjects with the faces, the men were more likely to indicate they would adopt or spend time with the babies, male and female, who had more of their facial characteristics.

The women in the study, however, showed no preference for children with their features.

THE BOTTOM LINE Infants are more likely to resemble their dads.

[Anonymous]

DD looks mostly like DH and a bit of me but because she is white and I'm brown, I get the funny looks and questions. When they tell me she looks just like DH, I reply "I guess she is lucky that way." Somehow that shuts people up.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm white and my husband's North African too. My son looks 100% white, so it's always my husband who gets the questions. Both here in the States and when we visit his home country (MUCH more so there for sure).

Other than hair and skin color, though, my child is the spitting image of his dad.

[Anonymous]

Black biracial mom of mixed daughters with white skin and blue eyes. It does not bother me.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I am mixed and so is my husband, so our kids get all kinds of comments. I just say "genes, crazy things huh?" and move on. Trivial stuff in my book.

[Anonymous]

My husband is Filipino and I'm white. My kids pretty much do not look like me. I guess I never really expected them to so peoples' comments don't bother me. I have found though as they have developed their personalities that one of my children is very much like me in temperament and personality. The other is more like his dad. Funny how it all shakes out, isn't it?

[Anonymous]

Asian hubby and white gal here. We have twins -- one looks v. asian and the other one you wouldn't know she was asian unless you met her dad. I hear comments like that all the time about Twin Asian. I don't usually respond to them and just say "uh-huh". But when it's family, I'll point out different features that she shares with the caucasian side -- she has my dad's head shape; she's a dead ringer for my mom as a kid. I worry more that she'll feel alienated or different from the white side of the family if she doesn't hear how she is like them.

Bottom line - I don't think comments like that typically warrant a response especially if the comments are from strangers/acquaintances. People who will be in your kid's life for years to come -- that's a different story.

[Anonymous]

We know several families that are mixed white/Asian and in all cases I feel like there is one child that favors the father and one that favors the mother (exception to the rule: one family where the kids look like one another and like neither parent!)

I think it just is what it is and I wouldn't worry about the boneheaded things that people say.

[Anonymous]

Isn't stony silence appropriate? A tilt of head and an inquisitive look, if you're feeling generous?

I'm trying to imagine the circumstance under which it would be appropriate to really dig in and make the point that a child does not resemble its mother... There simply isn't one.

I do think the example you gave, however, of when you were pregnant and people were wondering about the child's complexion is different though.