I think I win the award for worst mother's day present

[Anonymous]

OP - that sucks. I totally get why you are upset. I'd rather get nothing than a regift of a gift (that was second hand to begin with).

I now just ask to sleep in. It's something that my husband appears to think is asking SO much of him - but at least it takes no pre-planning on his part. He did get my son to write "Mom" on my car - which is crazy adorable. Much better than a re-gifted certificate (which - geez - couldn't your DH at least print it out for you?)

For the person who is tired of people whose husbands treat them like crap - what is the real option? What if you have talked to your blue in the face? The options really are (1) stick around or (2) divorce him. Personally my husband does some really shitty, selfish things. And I like to vent about them to make me feel better. Because some men just suck at gifts and holidays. But overall the marriage works.

[Anonymous]

OP - you shouldn't say anything, just thank him for the wonderful gift. Then schedule your apt at the spa for father's day. His gift for father's day will be a day alone with the kids. Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - you shouldn't say anything, just thank him for the wonderful gift. Then schedule your apt at the spa for father's day. His gift for father's day will be a day alone with the kids. Enjoy!

Oh, brilliant!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of the regifting suggestions will not work because we all know that most men do not give a rat's baby's ass about most holidays. OP, I have said it before and I will say it again: MAKE IT BURN. Go out and buy yourself exactly what you want, a gift so luxurious and expensive that DH will gnash his teeth just thinking about it.

That seems to assume that the husband is the provider and manager of all the money. Not the OP but in my house that is not the case on either front. If I want to buy myself something I will but it certainly isn't going to make my husband "gnash his teeth". That sounds very 1950's. OP - if you don't want the spa thing I will take it in a second - send it on over.

[Anonymous]

Using the gift certificate on Father's Day is a brilliant idea!!!!

[Anonymous]

Well.... I received a package in the mail -- for the previous tenant. And I received flowers, for someone who doesn't live here.

[Anonymous]

I got tupperware. Which would have been fine, except that when I was opening it my husband said "this will be great for my lunches". Nice. Now I'm thinking of what I need to get him for father's day.

[Anonymous]

"For the person who is tired of people whose husbands treat them like crap - what is the real option? What if you have talked to your blue in the face? The options really are (1) stick around or (2) divorce him."

Yup. This is right. I have indeed talked and pleaded and cried and tried everything, including counseling. I know divorce is an option. Believe me, I think about it pretty much constantly. SHould I do it? I don't know. The kids are small, they would probably be fine.......you are supposed to try your hardest though to make it work -- really, really try. At what point have I tried enough? I don't know the answer to that.

[Anonymous]

I'm no marriage counselor but I think when there is adultery, addiction or abuse you should divorce w/o question, but because he's selfish or give crappy gifts...work through it. I was little when my parents divorced (3 or 4) but that didn't make it OK...it's still rough on the kids, especially when step-parents come into the picture. I will NEVER be a step-parent to young kids because I know exactly what that feels like.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can top you. I got nothing (with the important exception of the wonderful cards my kids made in daycare and school.) And it's my 8th wedding anniversary too. Oh yeah and I lost my beloved mother relatively recently so it's a tough day on that side of things. My husband slept in while I managed two kids (one of whom is a sick 1yo sobbing pretty much nonstop) beginning at 530am. I then did the grocery shopping, laundry, took the kids to their baseball game, and made dinner for everyone. Best part - when I asked my husband why he didn't do anything... even just give me a half-hour break to chill during the day, he said we spent too much money on extra childcare last week because one of the kids' schools was on holiday for a few days. OF course I paid for that myself (in part because despite the fact that we both work FT in similar jobs, I am always the one to handle days home with the kids but had deadlines I couldn't miss last week.) After everything, that BS excuse just sent me over the edge.

For the PP who asked why women complain about husbands who don't pull their weight, I'll just say this: my 6yo gave me his Mothers Day card and told me I am half his heart, he loves me so much. I feel the same way about my kids, and so there's a lot I will put up with because basically our family is happy. But there are points at which even my most tolerant understanding of my husband's total lack of capacity for gift-giving or even burden-sharing just hits the wall. And so it's nice to vent a little here. I'm sure you're right, I should do more than vent - either change the situation or stop resenting it. I try to do both, but I'm not willing to tear up my family over what I know intellectually is a Hallmark holiday.

[Anonymous]

I got nothing, except from my oldest child, who made a gift in school. My younger child painted a sea shell with the help of my older child. I asked DH if he would at least get me a cup of tea in bed. Every time I asked, he kept saying, "Just give me a minute." After and hour and a half of playing this "snooze button" game. I yelled, "No!" and got up myself. I had been counting on sleeping in because I worked until about 4 a.m. Friday night to finish up something since his family was coming over today and I had to entertain them. No sleeping in, no tea, marginal help with the entertaining. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

I agree Mother's day is a made up holiday so expectations should be reasonable, and I also think once your kids get to school age you shouldn't expect separate gifts from your kids and your spouse, but all that said there is a basic level of consideration and respect that everyone deserves, and maybe deserves a little more on mother's day (which for me includes being able to sleep in, or not being given something for the second time in 6 months).

[Anonymous]

PP -19:58 - what is so horrible about step-parents ? I have a great relationship with my step-kids.....I don't know that you can say you will "NEVER" be a step parent...no one really plans these things.

[Anonymous]

I got nothing. And my husband "had to" spend the day at the office. Didn't even come home to put the kids to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I can top you. I got nothing (with the important exception of the wonderful cards my kids made in daycare and school.) And it's my 8th wedding anniversary too. Oh yeah and I lost my beloved mother relatively recently so it's a tough day on that side of things. My husband slept in while I managed two kids (one of whom is a sick 1yo sobbing pretty much nonstop) beginning at 530am. I then did the grocery shopping, laundry, took the kids to their baseball game, and made dinner for everyone. Best part - when I asked my husband why he didn't do anything... even just give me a half-hour break to chill during the day, he said we spent too much money on extra childcare last week because one of the kids' schools was on holiday for a few days. OF course I paid for that myself (in part because despite the fact that we both work FT in similar jobs, I am always the one to handle days home with the kids but had deadlines I couldn't miss last week.) After everything, that BS excuse just sent me over the edge.

For the PP who asked why women complain about husbands who don't pull their weight, I'll just say this: my 6yo gave me his Mothers Day card and told me I am half his heart, he loves me so much. I feel the same way about my kids, and so there's a lot I will put up with because basically our family is happy. But there are points at which even my most tolerant understanding of my husband's total lack of capacity for gift-giving or even burden-sharing just hits the wall. And so it's nice to vent a little here. I'm sure you're right, I should do more than vent - either change the situation or stop resenting it. I try to do both, but I'm not willing to tear up my family over what I know intellectually is a Hallmark holiday.

New Poster here - I just have to ask, Mother's Day aside, how did it get to this? I mean, I can see how the equality shifts when the husband works and the wife stays home (this is not a knock on SAHMs, just that I could see where slowly over time the husband gets used to the wife handling more kid stuff, he feels he makes the money so he can decide how to spend it, etc.) but....were there signs, to all the women posting with what sounds like horrible husbands? I'm not talking about OP's husband giving her a crappy gift, but more this poster I quoted, whose DH sounds, I'm sorry, worthless, selfish, and not a good guy. How does it get to this point?