Is it rude not to invite kids to a party if I didn't receive a TY note?

[Anonymous]

OK, this post is seriously nutso.

But...we do write thank you notes. When the children were little, I wrote them. Then we progressed to having me write them (but they dictated), and then signed their own names. Now they write their own. And we try to get them done within a few days of the event.

I have a friend who adamantly refuses to write them for herself or her kids. Even when we all came down on her at book club. She felt it was just a waste of time. Gotta say, I was pretty shocked and she dropped a few notches in my book. But I wouldn't uninvite her kids from a party.

[Anonymous]

We didn't receive a TY from one of the parties that DD attended. In a twist of fate, we ended up finding out why -- turns out that the card ended up separated from the present (I found it under the seat in the car). Imagine if I'd found that out AFTER refusing to invite this child to my DD's party?!? WTH?

How nice of you to be so judgmental. How do you know what might be going on in the lives of these other people? Perhaps an elderly parent is dying, or there is financial hardship, or any number of other stressors and TYs are just one more thing to pile on. I can't believe you're serious.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a ridiculous post, however I have a question:

If your (or your daughter's) best friend in the entire world forgot to send you (or your daughter) a thank you note for a gift you gave, would you (or your daughter) un-friend them? If not, then you should invite her friends to the party.

[Anonymous]

Oh, for fuck's sake. A list? How old are you OP, 12?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do everyone a favor: invite no one and give your child up for adoption.

This.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read all the responses, but OP please give people the benefit of the doubt. I really do try to write TY notes, but I have missed sending them almost every time. I had my dd's birthday party on Jan 24, and I forgot to buy TY cards before her birthday. After her birthday, it seriously took me 2 weeks to get to the store to buy the TY cards. When I finally did, I was deep into busy season because I do taxes for a living. I sincerely hope everyone that attended my dd's party will forgive me for not sending thoughtful TY cards, but they just did not happen.

Many of the people that did not send TY cards probably thought about it a lot and tried, but didn't get a chance too.

I have another friend whose kid had a b-day party, then they went through a family death, and I know she has not sent TY cards and may not have the chance too.

I also had another friend that emailed me a TY note from her baby shower. I thought, now how practical is that. A lot of people are so busy, I know you went out and got a nice gift, and we try to send TY notes, but they don't always happen.

[Anonymous]

It is petty and vindictive.

[Anonymous]

Of course not! Don't invite those spoiled little brats. How dare they not write you a thank you note? They are terrible, terrible human beings and why do you even let your child associate with them? I mean they are obviuosly in a public school. Maybe you should consider private next year? They might be more your kind...

[Anonymous]

OP, this sounds rather petty.

[Anonymous]

I've missed a few TY notes in my years, but now that my kids are able to write their own we have a rule. The gift will not be opened until the TY note has been written. My goal is always to get the TY notes out within a week, but with this incentive the notes are usual out within a couple days. We do not write TY notes to people if we open the gifts in person, even Emily Post agrees this is proper etiquette.

[Anonymous]

People, this HAS to be a joke!!!!!

[Anonymous]

I am pretty darn unsympathetic to the excuses of people who are "too busy" to write thank you cards. (It takes maybe 60 seconds per card. You can do it in front of the TV. You can say you didn't make it a priority, but not that you were "too busy" -- unless you had some horrible accident or family illness or something.)

That said, OP, your idea is a rotten thing to do, particularly to your own daughter, who will suffer the brunt of the drama. Try to let it go. It is rude that you didn't receive all the thank you cards you should have, yes. Now invite those people to your daughter's party and write them nice thank you cards and show them how it's done.

[Anonymous]

Fakety fake fake post.

[Anonymous]

A verbal thank you doesn't waste any trees.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I was expecting way more support considering that every TY thread gets at least a good number of people supporting doing them. On those thread's no one is giving non TY senders the benefit of the doubt that they have other things going on in their lives.

Here's the deal, what do you do about not getting a TY card? If somebody is not going to take the time to send one then they obviously do not care about TY cards. I doubt receiving one from me will show them the way. It will probably go in the trash the second after they open it. I'll still send it but I have no expectation that it will change their behavior. It would be strange to call someone and say "hey I didn't receive a TY card from you, did you get the gift?". I am not into just venting about people on an anonymous board or gossiping to other moms about who doesn't send them. I thought I came up with a good action to give some of the non-TY card senders a few tangible consequences for their actions.