Should I Call CPS on Husband

[Anonymous]

Therapy for both and him independently or divorce. ^^

[Anonymous]

Unless he is leaving marks, I don't think that's against the law. I don't think I'd want to invite CPS into my family unless I thought my kids were in serious physical danger. I think his discipline sucks, but I'm not sure it's worse than having your kids taken away and sent to some unknown foster home.

[Anonymous]

Sure, but they'll take away your children from BOTH OF YOU, so there's that.

[Anonymous]

They will not necessarily take the kids away. They may make him leave the house, and will enroll you both in parenting classes, and may insist that the whole family go into therapy. I have worked in education for years and have known many families where I hoped they would take the kids, and they didn’t. That’s the last thing they want to do, truly. You can always call them anonymously and ask questions.

Your job is to protect your children. You have to do this. If you are really afraid, get in touch with a shelter. You can always call 911 if he is losing control. You need to be on record as trying to protect your children. If you stand by and let them be emotionally and physically abused, you will face consequences. You can call a women’s shelter and ask for a consultation on the phone. You can call and talk your pediatrician.

So many women and children are abused and killed by fathers in this country. So many children are damaged by growing up in fear. I was one. How I wish someone had stepped in for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They will not necessarily take the kids away. They may make him leave the house, and will enroll you both in parenting classes, and may insist that the whole family go into therapy. I have worked in education for years and have known many families where I hoped they would take the kids, and they didn’t. That’s the last thing they want to do, truly. You can always call them anonymously and ask questions.

Your job is to protect your children. You have to do this. If you are really afraid, get in touch with a shelter. You can always call 911 if he is losing control. You need to be on record as trying to protect your children. If you stand by and let them be emotionally and physically abused, you will face consequences. You can call a women’s shelter and ask for a consultation on the phone. You can call and talk your pediatrician.

So many women and children are abused and killed by fathers in this country. So many children are damaged by growing up in fear. I was one. How I wish someone had stepped in for me.

A lot more are abused by non bio "parental figures" -- step fathers/boyfriends and step mothers/girlfriends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on state. Not abusive in Maryland. A parent can discipline as they want in Maryland. Even put a loaded gun to a child’s head in Maryland. I was told to my face by 2 cps workers and a judge in a court room it’s not abuse.

My experience working in Baltimore strongly suggests that this is NOT true. A parent putting a loaded gun to a child’s head would most likely end up in jail.

I say this as someone who was a mandated reporter.

From my limited experience, the definitions of abuse are stricter in the larger minority population centers like Baltimore and PG County and are looser in the more white dominant areas like Montgomery, AA and other less diverse counties. e.g. I've seen more leniency granted to abusive white parents than to abusive minority parents.

So it sounds like in your experience CPS is more protective of minority children than white children. That is outright racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on state. Not abusive in Maryland. A parent can discipline as they want in Maryland. Even put a loaded gun to a child’s head in Maryland. I was told to my face by 2 cps workers and a judge in a court room it’s not abuse.

My experience working in Baltimore strongly suggests that this is NOT true. A parent putting a loaded gun to a child’s head would most likely end up in jail.

I say this as someone who was a mandated reporter.

From my limited experience, the definitions of abuse are stricter in the larger minority population centers like Baltimore and PG County and are looser in the more white dominant areas like Montgomery, AA and other less diverse counties. e.g. I've seen more leniency granted to abusive white parents than to abusive minority parents.

So it sounds like in your experience CPS is more protective of minority children than white children. That is outright racist.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but it's not about "protecting the children" it's about "destroying the parents."
Even in extreme situations children are often still left with their abusive parents.

[Anonymous]

I remember when the last time my parents slapped me- it was when I told them I’d be calling the cops if they laid another hand on me.

[Anonymous]

My husband had a yelling problem. He didn’t recognize it as a problem until I forced him into relationship counseling. He is now much better! But does still occasionally yell inappropriately at the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They will not necessarily take the kids away. They may make him leave the house, and will enroll you both in parenting classes, and may insist that the whole family go into therapy. I have worked in education for years and have known many families where I hoped they would take the kids, and they didn’t. That’s the last thing they want to do, truly. You can always call them anonymously and ask questions.

Your job is to protect your children. You have to do this. If you are really afraid, get in touch with a shelter. You can always call 911 if he is losing control. You need to be on record as trying to protect your children. If you stand by and let them be emotionally and physically abused, you will face consequences. You can call a women’s shelter and ask for a consultation on the phone. You can call and talk your pediatrician.

So many women and children are abused and killed by fathers in this country. So many children are damaged by growing up in fear. I was one. How I wish someone had stepped in for me.

A lot more are abused by non bio "parental figures" -- step fathers/boyfriends and step mothers/girlfriends.

Please take a step back and consider that your response to a person talking about HER OWN ABUSE was pretty tactless. It is also not relevant to the OP, whose children are being abused by their father - not any of the things you named.

Why did you feel that it was necessary to interject this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They will not necessarily take the kids away. They may make him leave the house, and will enroll you both in parenting classes, and may insist that the whole family go into therapy. I have worked in education for years and have known many families where I hoped they would take the kids, and they didn’t. That’s the last thing they want to do, truly. You can always call them anonymously and ask questions.

Your job is to protect your children. You have to do this. If you are really afraid, get in touch with a shelter. You can always call 911 if he is losing control. You need to be on record as trying to protect your children. If you stand by and let them be emotionally and physically abused, you will face consequences. You can call a women’s shelter and ask for a consultation on the phone. You can call and talk your pediatrician.

So many women and children are abused and killed by fathers in this country. So many children are damaged by growing up in fear. I was one. How I wish someone had stepped in for me.

A lot more are abused by non bio "parental figures" -- step fathers/boyfriends and step mothers/girlfriends.

Please take a step back and consider that your response to a person talking about HER OWN ABUSE was pretty tactless. It is also not relevant to the OP, whose children are being abused by their father - not any of the things you named.

Why did you feel that it was necessary to interject this?

Please take a step back and consider that your response to a person talking about HER OWN ABUSE was entirely ignorant and tactless. My response was completely relevant to the OP, who is statistically more likely to choose to marry or cohabitate with another abuser, as are her children.

Why did you feel that it was necessary to interject your ignorance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe OP should go to a parenting therapist and then she could report all the therapist says to the husband including the possible consequences.

It is possible that the husband is oblivious to what can and will happen so he HARSHLY overdisciplining the kids to everyone detriment.

This is not going to end well for the kids, the parents, the whole family as a unit.

Also many guys have NO concept of what is right and wrong way to discipline kids, and they have
zero concept of child development and have no concept of disciplining.

They should take some parenting class pronto! to learn the RIGHT ways to discipline kids.

There is a need to discipline if boundaries are crossed, but the discipline needs to be fair, and age appropriate and not abusive.

The difference between discipline and abuse is that abuse is "cruel and unusual" discipline.


What good is to discipline kids to the point of hating parents so much and throwing away all the
love and parental work? Put well being of children first!

OP, can also go to parental class herself to learn proper ways and techniques of age appropriate
discipline and then she will speak to the husband from the place of knowing per being
educated if just a normal mothering is not enough for him.

The bolded is not an excuse in his case. OP has repeatedly told him to stop. He should have done some research by now. Any research would quickly lead him to concluding that his actions are not acceptable in this society. He has some serious issues.

He doesn't have to obey OP's commands. Just like she doesn't have to obey his, and parent the way he wants her to.

OP can step up and handle the discipline. I would suspect she doesn't do much and then dad over does it to get things under control.

If the only way you can control a 5 year old child is by hitting, spanking, and dragging them, you’re an utter failure as a parent and a human being. Disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe OP should go to a parenting therapist and then she could report all the therapist says to the husband including the possible consequences.

It is possible that the husband is oblivious to what can and will happen so he HARSHLY overdisciplining the kids to everyone detriment.

This is not going to end well for the kids, the parents, the whole family as a unit.

Also many guys have NO concept of what is right and wrong way to discipline kids, and they have
zero concept of child development and have no concept of disciplining.

They should take some parenting class pronto! to learn the RIGHT ways to discipline kids.

There is a need to discipline if boundaries are crossed, but the discipline needs to be fair, and age appropriate and not abusive.

The difference between discipline and abuse is that abuse is "cruel and unusual" discipline.


What good is to discipline kids to the point of hating parents so much and throwing away all the
love and parental work? Put well being of children first!

OP, can also go to parental class herself to learn proper ways and techniques of age appropriate
discipline and then she will speak to the husband from the place of knowing per being
educated if just a normal mothering is not enough for him.

The bolded is not an excuse in his case. OP has repeatedly told him to stop. He should have done some research by now. Any research would quickly lead him to concluding that his actions are not acceptable in this society. He has some serious issues.

In child welfare, most of the head of household are women, not men. Most parents parent like they were parented. OP isn't saying what her style is but it may be equally abusive. Most parents yell. Most parents hit their kids. If CPS removed every child from those situations, most kids would be in care. Its BAD parenting, but it isn't crossing the line of abuse.

What op describes goes well beyond the normal range even for families that use corporal punishment. Repeatedly hitting very young children on the head is not normal nor widely culturally accepted. It’s entirely different than a “swat on the butt” (which is bad parenting but typical in some subcultures.)

OP made one post with no other explanations. Others are jumping to conclusions. Most parents in the US use the same discipline.

Citation, please. I don’t believe this to be true. Perhaps a couple of generations ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she divorces him, and they split custody, then 50% of the time she has ZERO control over how he treats the kids.

At least living together she can provide some protection

This is exactly why women stay with abusive men.

Are there a ton of abusive men who want/fight for 50% custody and then win?

Real question

If the answer is yes, I'd start documenting everything OP to prevent him from getting custody. And then divorce him.

Some will do it solely for the difficulty of contest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe OP should go to a parenting therapist and then she could report all the therapist says to the husband including the possible consequences.

It is possible that the husband is oblivious to what can and will happen so he HARSHLY overdisciplining the kids to everyone detriment.

This is not going to end well for the kids, the parents, the whole family as a unit.

Also many guys have NO concept of what is right and wrong way to discipline kids, and they have
zero concept of child development and have no concept of disciplining.

They should take some parenting class pronto! to learn the RIGHT ways to discipline kids.

There is a need to discipline if boundaries are crossed, but the discipline needs to be fair, and age appropriate and not abusive.

The difference between discipline and abuse is that abuse is "cruel and unusual" discipline.


What good is to discipline kids to the point of hating parents so much and throwing away all the
love and parental work? Put well being of children first!

OP, can also go to parental class herself to learn proper ways and techniques of age appropriate
discipline and then she will speak to the husband from the place of knowing per being
educated if just a normal mothering is not enough for him.

The bolded is not an excuse in his case. OP has repeatedly told him to stop. He should have done some research by now. Any research would quickly lead him to concluding that his actions are not acceptable in this society. He has some serious issues.

In child welfare, most of the head of household are women, not men. Most parents parent like they were parented. OP isn't saying what her style is but it may be equally abusive. Most parents yell. Most parents hit their kids. If CPS removed every child from those situations, most kids would be in care. Its BAD parenting, but it isn't crossing the line of abuse.

What op describes goes well beyond the normal range even for families that use corporal punishment. Repeatedly hitting very young children on the head is not normal nor widely culturally accepted. It’s entirely different than a “swat on the butt” (which is bad parenting but typical in some subcultures.)

OP made one post with no other explanations. Others are jumping to conclusions. Most parents in the US use the same discipline.

This is false. Most parents in the US don’t use corporal punishment. This is really only common nowadays among parents who were abused themselves as children and typically in lower socioeconomic circles because of lack of education and other resources.