Are you happy as a SAHM of school aged kids? Why or why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so pretty typical. Someone starts a thread asking stay-at-home parents if they are happy so that she can make a decision for herself, and some bitter nasties come in and start attacking stay-at-home parents for answering the question.

I am a working mom and the only reason I came to this red was to see the train wreck that other working moms would make it. I wasn't disappointed

Dcum can’t have a rational conversation on this topic. It’s frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so pretty typical. Someone starts a thread asking stay-at-home parents if they are happy so that she can make a decision for herself, and some bitter nasties come in and start attacking stay-at-home parents for answering the question.

I am a working mom and the only reason I came to this red was to see the train wreck that other working moms would make it. I wasn't disappointed

Lol! I’m a wahm who tried defending the 10 hour a week mom and gave up.

[Anonymous]

I LOVE being at home. Boredom is not a problem at all. I cook a lot, make lots of homemade jams and chutneys, read a lot, go to yoga, do charity work and entertain quite a bit. My home and family are my focus and I'm so much happier than I was when working. I'm also available for extended family in emergencies, which has been a blessing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so pretty typical. Someone starts a thread asking stay-at-home parents if they are happy so that she can make a decision for herself, and some bitter nasties come in and start attacking stay-at-home parents for answering the question.

I am a working mom and the only reason I came to this red was to see the train wreck that other working moms would make it. I wasn't disappointed

I’ve been a full time working mom, a full time stay at home mom, and a part time working mom (but much closer to full time), so I have multiple perspectives on this and try not to take things personally. I definitely see the judgy comments about “why have kids if you aren’t going to parent themmmmm!!!” When a working mom posts about her and her spouse both having work travel or late night commitments or whatever, and those comments suck and make stay at home parents look really rude and backwards. But it really, honestly seems like there are MORE, as in a greater volume though probably not as overtly rude, sh*tty comments given toward stay at home moms. It’s sometimes disguised as concern trolling about your “finances” or “what if your husband leaves you what will you do then” or whatever, but it’s there. I really don’t get it. Can’t people accept that what works for one person/family might not work for another one?

[Anonymous]

I’m an avid reader so as long as I have a good book, I’m never bored.

I always have a stack of at least 4-5 library books to read.

[Anonymous]

People who get bored easily must not be readers.

[Anonymous]

I’m the one who posted about my spouse earning $150K. None of those other responses were me. My parents aren’t paying for my kids’ college (as far as I know...). I imagine I’ll go back to work at some point. We do have a lot invested & saved, though. Spouse used to make more pre-kids (different job), but still nothing like what most of the posters here claim to make. Like I said, we are comfortable but do things like drive older cars & not waste money on stupid stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the point of all these threads, anyway? It doesn’t make any stay at home moms suddenly want to go back to work when all the posts call them “lazy” and ask what they do all day, and it doesn’t make working moms want to stay home when people say that they’re “missing their kids childhood” or whatever. I mean even the woman working 10 or 15 hours a week or whatever it was in a professional job was crapped on. What’s the point?

It does make me feel a bit bad that people think I should be working but then I really think about it and if I’m going to work for the opinion of others and not what I want to do that would be ludicrous. I want to sahm, my kids and husband agree. We are happy this way and my situation is unique (as is everyone’s) but I wouldn’t trade it. We’ve done things we could not have otherwise in exchange for the pittance I would earn and the stress it would involve. I love doing all the things other kids have nanny’s do. I’m not knocking people who use them as my dh and many parents don’t enjoy doing some of these tasks. I would think it’s crazy for a high earner who doesn’t enjoy the daily kid stuff to stay home as much as it would be crazy for a low earner married to a high earner to work full time when they love being present for all the home,sports and school stuff.

Yes, you spend more time with your children, but most of us do work do not have nannies. We cook and clean and run errands, etc, we just have less time to do it. I like doing things for my family as well, working for pay (we are all working here) is not exclusive of "doing what nannies do"

Did you take that personally? Because you shouldn’t. It seems like nobody can express their personal thoughts without causing offense. If a wohm says she doesn’t want to be bored I assume they would be bored staying home. I don’t take it personally unless they say “you are bored”. I’m a big cheerleader for working moms. By “doing what nannies do” my main thoughts were of shuttling kids to sports practice and the doldrums. I guess I shouldn’t assume all working people are not as into that kind of thing as I am. Maybe many love it but don’t have as much time. I know plenty of sahms that loathe it so much they don’t even do extracurriculars but we enjoy it. I just mean to say I can choose and that’s my choice.

Well, I did because you assume that if I work outside of the home, I don't like being present or doing "kid stuff." That's frankly, a ridiculous assumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so pretty typical. Someone starts a thread asking stay-at-home parents if they are happy so that she can make a decision for herself, and some bitter nasties come in and start attacking stay-at-home parents for answering the question.

I am a working mom and the only reason I came to this red was to see the train wreck that other working moms would make it. I wasn't disappointed

I’ve been a full time working mom, a full time stay at home mom, and a part time working mom (but much closer to full time), so I have multiple perspectives on this and try not to take things personally. I definitely see the judgy comments about “why have kids if you aren’t going to parent themmmmm!!!” When a working mom posts about her and her spouse both having work travel or late night commitments or whatever, and those comments suck and make stay at home parents look really rude and backwards. But it really, honestly seems like there are MORE, as in a greater volume though probably not as overtly rude, sh*tty comments given toward stay at home moms. It’s sometimes disguised as concern trolling about your “finances” or “what if your husband leaves you what will you do then” or whatever, but it’s there. I really don’t get it. Can’t people accept that what works for one person/family might not work for another one?

+ 1

I happily SAH, yet I understand 100% why many women do not SAH. I genuinely have never made a negative comment, and never heard one in real life (versus online), about working mothers. If I had loved my career more, or DH made less money, or my first born just hadn't gotten sick so damn much her first year, I probably would have ended up WOH and been happy with that decision too.

Frankly, what the world needs more of is... stay at home dads. Or dads who are the primary parent (ie, take ALL the sick days, snow days, doctors appointments, etc) so that his wife can focus entirely on her career.

[Anonymous]

I do not do this but see plenty of benefits if you are not wanting to work for awhile and ok with money.

- being able to volunteer in the school
- meeting kid for lunch there
- doing personal volunteering that would be rewarding
- working out
- more time for things that need research / planning for the kids like spelling programs, camps etc to preserve might and weekend time to spend with DH and kids
- not having to scramble on snow and sick days (how nice!!)
- handling the other myriad of things that need done and get squeezed into evening/weekend now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny you should post this as I've been thinking the same thing. DC is starting Kindergarten, and I thought (several years ago) that at this point I'd be looking to ramp up at work, rather than scale back (or even leave the workforce). DH's career is on an upward trajectory. He makes a lot more money than he did a few years ago but he also works more hours and has less flexibility (there was never a lot, but now there's basically none). I don't see this changing. He's never going to split the snow days and sick days, be at home to deal with the home repair contractors, etc. He's never going to help with meals and housework when he's working long hours at the office and then coming home and working more after DC goes to bed. I also see that the elementary years entail a lot of driving to activities after school and on the weekends. It was easier when DC was younger as she never had anywhere to be in the evenings and we would hang out at home most of the time on the weekends. Now it's run, run, run. All of this is on me, and it's hard to have a job and feel like I'm giving it much energy when there's just no time for downtime, exercise, etc. I'm sick of being stressed out, sometimes to the point that I've actually become really ill (like illnesses that take months to recover from). DH makes good money and I have family money. So we don't need the money and it's hard to keep this up when I don't even really have the intrinsic motivation to give much energy at work. Why not just try to enjoy my life?

Curious, what Salary level of DH and what NW and what age would you be to think you can quit. Honest question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, very happy. Love being home. There is not that much time as one would think.

I was home for 11 years. I used to say this!!! Then I realized that I had the exact same “time” I have now (back to work) yet I only added 250k to the equation.


I am mao so much more efficient with my time now that I’m earning a living.

You must be a troll. To be a SAH FOR 11 yrs and then get a job for $250k, uh huh. What kind of job was this? Doctor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am home and my son is in kindergarten. I can always find something to fill my time, but I'm planning to look for something part time soon. I really like walking him to and from school and being there after school with him, but to be honest I do think "is this it?" when I think of just doing this forever. I am well educated and smart and enjoy intellectual conversation. Ideally I'll find something a few days a week or shorter hours that is stimulating for me. I know that I'm very lucky to have that flexibility.

For now though, I do all the housework, cooking etc. (that's sort of the tacit agreement since my husband makes the money) do errands, workout, and when I have time leftover I take on big house projects or personal projects. I don't ever turn on the tv, and rarely sit during the day. I'm far less sedentary than I was at my desk job. And we have weekends to do family hikes, activities, etc. because there isn't grocery shopping or other chores to be done.

Also - if anyone is seriously considering this - I would think about your community around you. There were lots of stay at home moms around me when my son was in preschool, but all my friends went back to work when their youngest hit kindergarten. If I have a community of friends who I could take walks with, meet up with, etc. I would probably feel a good deal less isolated.

How much does your DH make and what is your NW? I am seriously thinking of doing this and believe we can do it. My in-laws think it’s a waste of my PhD. I am 47 btw.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Best and easiest years of taking care of kids. Lots of time for my own hobbies and interests as well. I am however dreading the empty nest years.

[Anonymous]

I can see the temptation. I have a good friend who switched from WOHM to SAHM when the kids were in 1st-4th grades. Mine are in 3rd-5th, and while I would not stay home, I've been strongly encouraging my DH to try it.

Childcare demands don't go down when they hit elementary. Instead of watching them crawl around the floor and nap, it's a constant barrage of:
- Sports practices 2x/week requiring DH or me to leave an hour early from work
- Kids needing to get together after school to work on group projects for class
- Snow days and sick days are a lot stricter than in-home daycare (our daycare provider used to have us bring snow suit & boots so she could take them out too build snowmen!)
- Wanting to bring friends home on the bus after school

Daycare was easy. Available 7am-6pm, and they didn't miss out on anything. I find myself saying "no, sorry, I have to work then" a lot more now, and regretting that my kids are missing out on stuff. I'd be thrilled if DH would be ok with staying back from his career for a few years.