I feel sorry for the tweens without phones

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is on 8th grade and she’s constantly texting and FaceTiming friends. They’ve gotten to the point where they essentially plan their own social lives and don’t really involve their parents Briley they need a ride somewhere.

However, she has a couple friends who don’t have phones. I think their parents are the type who are waiting for high school. Anyway, I don’t think they realize how much their kids are being left out. Not just of the group chats and socializing that takes place online but in organizing get togethers outside of school. They have to involve their moms and get their moms to text other moms in order to arrange meet ups outside of school like we’re still arranging playdates. It’s awkward. My daughter went to a party over the weekend and one poor girl was left out because the party thrower didn’t want to text this girl’s mom about it. I felt bad hearing the story.

Anyway, I think 7th and 8th graders should have phones. They need it for socializing.

ITA. It is a real social hardship not to be able to communicate the way their peers do. - mom of 3 teen/YA boys.

Yep, two middle school girls in NYC communicated their way to a coroner last month. An urban adventure that went terribly wrong.

In 10 years, none of the "no phone" parents will regret the decision, and many of the "pro phone" parents unfortunately will. Read the NYTimes story about the boy who became addicted to his Game of Thrones chatbot and then committed suicide. The Mom thought she was being careful and was strict about social media, but didn't even know to look out for chatbots.

I don't let extreme cases dictate my parenting choices

What about studies on kids and phone use?

What about them? You realize there is a whole world out there of productive, high achieving kids without mental health issues who have smart phones, right? Not every teen is a suicidal recluse.

[Anonymous]

I would say 75% of my 12 year old's friends have phones and the ones who don't have smart watches for texting (my kid got an Apple Watch at the end of 6th). They're all great about not looking at their phones when they're hanging out which I appreciate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all the no phones before high school people read the same book (the anxious generation) and think they’re in on some secret, but really it’s just a new way for UMC people to judge others. I think the apple watch has become the acceptable item if any for this set. I don’t care what people do, but I do not think there’s any inherent harm in kids talking or FaceTiming on a cell phone (or watch, whatever you want!) as that is the equivalent to our generation talking on the house phone. By 8th grade, it’s nice for kids to make their own plans and confirm them with their parents rather than it being parent-led.

+1

My DD got a phone in MS so she could text and facetime with her friends -- both just to chat and to make plans. I thought of what you did -- that when I was in MS I would talk with my friends on the phone almost every night (I remember sitting in this big bean bag chair in my room and talking on this cute pink landline phone that I loved). My DD and her friends are good kids; even good kids like to socialize and care about friendships. If she did not have a way to be on the chats and facetimes, she would be missing out. The other kids are not calling each other from landlines to talk. (I'm not saying she would be pariah or that they wouldn't tell her about plans in person or whatever, but she would be left out of a major way her friend group is socializing.) I get that some folks don't care, but that is just a fact and I and my DD do care. She could use the family ipad, but she has siblings who like/need to use it in the evening for school apps and occasional tv watching. Just giving my DD my old phone made so much more sense than buying a watch and a new ipad and blah blah. She can get in touch with us on the go, be nimble when it comes to plans, and text and talk with friends. Total normal MS behavior.

She has no access to social media on her phone, and I monitor and limit usage in general. It charges downstairs for the night, etc. The real problem for this age group is access to social media.

This sounds normal but you're talking about an adolescent. Where i live the "cool moms" are giving 9 and 10 year olds phones "so they don't get left out."

I asked my 4th grader if she knows anyone with a phone (we live in a wealthy area, my kids go to public school) and she said she only has one friend with a phone. I know the friend's family and I'm pretty sure the kid only has a phone for logistical reasons (big family, lots of kids with lots of activities).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is in 6th and half her friend group has phones. When I walk into bday parties to pick her up, the ones that have phones are sitting at looking at them, the ones that’s don’t are still playing (keep it up with balloons, etc). I feel so bad for the girls with phones, they grow up way too soon.

Yup. Picked up my middle school DD the other day. Phone girls were all sitting alone staring at their phones. Non-phone girls were talking, laughing, eye contact. It's such a no brainer at this point that it's sort of astonishing anyone pushes back. It's one thing to be a sucker just going with the flow. Another to actually argue it's a good thing. lol!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is in 6th and half her friend group has phones. When I walk into bday parties to pick her up, the ones that have phones are sitting at looking at them, the ones that’s don’t are still playing (keep it up with balloons, etc). I feel so bad for the girls with phones, they grow up way too soon.

Yup. Picked up my middle school DD the other day. Phone girls were all sitting alone staring at their phones. Non-phone girls were talking, laughing, eye contact. It's such a no brainer at this point that it's sort of astonishing anyone pushes back. It's one thing to be a sucker just going with the flow. Another to actually argue it's a good thing. lol!!

How do you even know who has a phone or not? Creepy.

[Anonymous]

Some of this is a class thing. We were at a Title 1 elementary school for a while and many of the lower income kids had phones early, while the UMC parents held off.

Now in a wealthiest school district and none of the kids have phones in elementary, and watches are the norm for middle school.

The gap between these groups is going to be massive in adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like how the post has a conclusion. Good job, OP!

Yeah but it needed a better hook. "Have you ever used a cell phone?". "Have you ever isolated people and made them an outcast because you had a cell phone way too soon and needed to prove you and your parents were cooler?"

Have you ever felt personally victimized by Briley George?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is in 6th and half her friend group has phones. When I walk into bday parties to pick her up, the ones that have phones are sitting at looking at them, the ones that’s don’t are still playing (keep it up with balloons, etc). I feel so bad for the girls with phones, they grow up way too soon.

Yup. Picked up my middle school DD the other day. Phone girls were all sitting alone staring at their phones. Non-phone girls were talking, laughing, eye contact. It's such a no brainer at this point that it's sort of astonishing anyone pushes back. It's one thing to be a sucker just going with the flow. Another to actually argue it's a good thing. lol!!

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think all the no phones before high school people read the same book (the anxious generation) and think they’re in on some secret, but really it’s just a new way for UMC people to judge others. I think the apple watch has become the acceptable item if any for this set. I don’t care what people do, but I do not think there’s any inherent harm in kids talking or FaceTiming on a cell phone (or watch, whatever you want!) as that is the equivalent to our generation talking on the house phone. By 8th grade, it’s nice for kids to make their own plans and confirm them with their parents rather than it being parent-led.

You are correct that there is no harm in being able to text and FaceTime to make their own plans. It’s all the other stuff that one can do on a phone that’s harmful. If only these companies would make a device that only has texting, calling and music.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all the no phones before high school people read the same book (the anxious generation) and think they’re in on some secret, but really it’s just a new way for UMC people to judge others. I think the apple watch has become the acceptable item if any for this set. I don’t care what people do, but I do not think there’s any inherent harm in kids talking or FaceTiming on a cell phone (or watch, whatever you want!) as that is the equivalent to our generation talking on the house phone. By 8th grade, it’s nice for kids to make their own plans and confirm them with their parents rather than it being parent-led.

You are correct that there is no harm in being able to text and FaceTime to make their own plans. It’s all the other stuff that one can do on a phone that’s harmful. If only these companies would make a device that only has texting, calling and music.

This may shock you, but you can put on parental controls so your kids cant download any apps without approval, preventing their social media use if you choose to do so. You can also put time limits on specific apps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all the no phones before high school people read the same book (the anxious generation) and think they’re in on some secret, but really it’s just a new way for UMC people to judge others. I think the apple watch has become the acceptable item if any for this set. I don’t care what people do, but I do not think there’s any inherent harm in kids talking or FaceTiming on a cell phone (or watch, whatever you want!) as that is the equivalent to our generation talking on the house phone. By 8th grade, it’s nice for kids to make their own plans and confirm them with their parents rather than it being parent-led.

You are correct that there is no harm in being able to text and FaceTime to make their own plans. It’s all the other stuff that one can do on a phone that’s harmful. If only these companies would make a device that only has texting, calling and music.

This may shock you, but you can put on parental controls so your kids cant download any apps without approval, preventing their social media use if you choose to do so. You can also put time limits on specific apps.

NP. I put time limits on my daughter’s social media apps but somehow she is able to circumvent them. They just don’t work.

[Anonymous]

Poor kids. They don't have to engage in cyberbullying while developing relationships with chat companions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is in 6th and half her friend group has phones. When I walk into bday parties to pick her up, the ones that have phones are sitting at looking at them, the ones that’s don’t are still playing (keep it up with balloons, etc). I feel so bad for the girls with phones, they grow up way too soon.

Yup. Picked up my middle school DD the other day. Phone girls were all sitting alone staring at their phones. Non-phone girls were talking, laughing, eye contact. It's such a no brainer at this point that it's sort of astonishing anyone pushes back. It's one thing to be a sucker just going with the flow. Another to actually argue it's a good thing. lol!!

It's the same moms who are still PO'd to this day that they missed so much brunching during COVID. Don't take away their sitters! They have instas to post!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all the no phones before high school people read the same book (the anxious generation) and think they’re in on some secret, but really it’s just a new way for UMC people to judge others. I think the apple watch has become the acceptable item if any for this set. I don’t care what people do, but I do not think there’s any inherent harm in kids talking or FaceTiming on a cell phone (or watch, whatever you want!) as that is the equivalent to our generation talking on the house phone. By 8th grade, it’s nice for kids to make their own plans and confirm them with their parents rather than it being parent-led.

You are correct that there is no harm in being able to text and FaceTime to make their own plans. It’s all the other stuff that one can do on a phone that’s harmful. If only these companies would make a device that only has texting, calling and music.

The solution is wisephone:

https://wisephone.com/products/wisephone-ii?variant=42801605673075

I use the newest iteration of a Sony Walkman for music.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is in 6th and half her friend group has phones. When I walk into bday parties to pick her up, the ones that have phones are sitting at looking at them, the ones that’s don’t are still playing (keep it up with balloons, etc). I feel so bad for the girls with phones, they grow up way too soon.

Yup. Picked up my middle school DD the other day. Phone girls were all sitting alone staring at their phones. Non-phone girls were talking, laughing, eye contact. It's such a no brainer at this point that it's sort of astonishing anyone pushes back. It's one thing to be a sucker just going with the flow. Another to actually argue it's a good thing. lol!!

How do you even know who has a phone or not? Creepy.

Yeah, that was a weird post. How would you as the parent picking up know that the girls you saw talking and laughing don't have phones? My 7th grader has a phone and I'm sure would be amongst the talking and laughing circle. I know because that's what I see her doing when I pick her up from parties, activities, hang outs, etc.