Why do so many SAHMs insist on PTA or activity meetings during the school day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my kids’ elementary, they tried evening meetings and not many came. They switched meetings to 8AM (school start time of 8AM) and had much better attendance. Working parents who wanted to attend would just start work late that day, and most SAHPs preferred it. They also live-streamed the meetings.

I didn’t have any say in scheduling, just saying how it worked at our school.

+1. This is how our school does it too. Working moms who have the bandwidth to volunteer with the PTA usually also have the flexibility to start work at 9:30am one day a month.

This reflects a selection bias. Another way to express the same data is that you are only interested in working mothers whose jobs afford them the flexibility to arrive at work at 9:30– no shift workers, no care workers, no one with international calls etc.

And so, anyone who falls into that category should correctly conclude that you’re not interested in them and not take the PTA requests particularly seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my kids’ elementary, they tried evening meetings and not many came. They switched meetings to 8AM (school start time of 8AM) and had much better attendance. Working parents who wanted to attend would just start work late that day, and most SAHPs preferred it. They also live-streamed the meetings.

I didn’t have any say in scheduling, just saying how it worked at our school.

+1. This is how our school does it too. Working moms who have the bandwidth to volunteer with the PTA usually also have the flexibility to start work at 9:30am one day a month.

This reflects a selection bias. Another way to express the same data is that you are only interested in working mothers whose jobs afford them the flexibility to arrive at work at 9:30– no shift workers, no care workers, no one with international calls etc.

And so, anyone who falls into that category should correctly conclude that you’re not interested in them and not take the PTA requests particularly seriously.

Have you been to a PTA meeting? I haven’t attended one in 3 years. I still volunteer as needed on an ad-hoc basis. What more does anyone really need? This focus on the PTA meeting time is a distraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don’t want parents with jobs.

You can be upset about the disrespect and exclusion and your feelings will be valid.

Or

You can take it as a glorious get out of jail free card. You do not have to participate not because you were unwilling but— sigh— because you aren’t the target volunteer demographic. Do not volunteer, do not Venmo, and only go to the activities that actually appeal to you (or your kid) and don’t guilt free.

And if you’re ever — ever!— approached or guilted about it you just smile and say how glad you are that people have so much free time to donate to the (name the activity)

This. I feel entirely absolved of the guilt I once felt to be helpful. School volunteering is a SAHM show, and I scroll past anything the PTA has to say.

Do you really take institutional schedules this personally? So fragile, geez

I’m not who you’re quoting but it’s hardly fragile not to participate in activities you have no buy-in for and haven’t been consulted about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my kids’ elementary, they tried evening meetings and not many came. They switched meetings to 8AM (school start time of 8AM) and had much better attendance. Working parents who wanted to attend would just start work late that day, and most SAHPs preferred it. They also live-streamed the meetings.

I didn’t have any say in scheduling, just saying how it worked at our school.

+1. This is how our school does it too. Working moms who have the bandwidth to volunteer with the PTA usually also have the flexibility to start work at 9:30am one day a month.

This reflects a selection bias. Another way to express the same data is that you are only interested in working mothers whose jobs afford them the flexibility to arrive at work at 9:30– no shift workers, no care workers, no one with international calls etc.

And so, anyone who falls into that category should correctly conclude that you’re not interested in them and not take the PTA requests particularly seriously.

Have you been to a PTA meeting? I haven’t attended one in 3 years. I still volunteer as needed on an ad-hoc basis. What more does anyone really need? This focus on the PTA meeting time is a distraction.

If you want to volunteer for activities that are chosen without your input that’s great. I don’t like my time dictated by committees I don’t participate in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don’t want parents with jobs.

You can be upset about the disrespect and exclusion and your feelings will be valid.

Or

You can take it as a glorious get out of jail free card. You do not have to participate not because you were unwilling but— sigh— because you aren’t the target volunteer demographic. Do not volunteer, do not Venmo, and only go to the activities that actually appeal to you (or your kid) and don’t guilt free.

And if you’re ever — ever!— approached or guilted about it you just smile and say how glad you are that people have so much free time to donate to the (name the activity)

This. I feel entirely absolved of the guilt I once felt to be helpful. School volunteering is a SAHM show, and I scroll past anything the PTA has to say.

Do you really take institutional schedules this personally? So fragile, geez

I’m not who you’re quoting but it’s hardly fragile not to participate in activities you have no buy-in for and haven’t been consulted about.

You’re not going to get that by going to a PTA meeting either. Especially one on Zoom call at night. Everyone sits with their cameras off on mute. If you want to make a difference you actually need to run for an office. But then again it’s mostly a thankless job. Countless hours for disgruntled people like OP who don’t like how anything is done anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my kids’ elementary, they tried evening meetings and not many came. They switched meetings to 8AM (school start time of 8AM) and had much better attendance. Working parents who wanted to attend would just start work late that day, and most SAHPs preferred it. They also live-streamed the meetings.

I didn’t have any say in scheduling, just saying how it worked at our school.

+1. This is how our school does it too. Working moms who have the bandwidth to volunteer with the PTA usually also have the flexibility to start work at 9:30am one day a month.

This reflects a selection bias. Another way to express the same data is that you are only interested in working mothers whose jobs afford them the flexibility to arrive at work at 9:30– no shift workers, no care workers, no one with international calls etc.

And so, anyone who falls into that category should correctly conclude that you’re not interested in them and not take the PTA requests particularly seriously.

Have you been to a PTA meeting? I haven’t attended one in 3 years. I still volunteer as needed on an ad-hoc basis. What more does anyone really need? This focus on the PTA meeting time is a distraction.

I disagree. The meetings are when the agenda is set— when they decide we need a $10,000 teacher appreciation week fundraiser but no free after school activities. I’m happy to spend time volunteering to support the kids I'm not interested in volunteering to serve breakfast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my kids’ elementary, they tried evening meetings and not many came. They switched meetings to 8AM (school start time of 8AM) and had much better attendance. Working parents who wanted to attend would just start work late that day, and most SAHPs preferred it. They also live-streamed the meetings.

I didn’t have any say in scheduling, just saying how it worked at our school.

+1. This is how our school does it too. Working moms who have the bandwidth to volunteer with the PTA usually also have the flexibility to start work at 9:30am one day a month.

This reflects a selection bias. Another way to express the same data is that you are only interested in working mothers whose jobs afford them the flexibility to arrive at work at 9:30– no shift workers, no care workers, no one with international calls etc.

And so, anyone who falls into that category should correctly conclude that you’re not interested in them and not take the PTA requests particularly seriously.

Have you been to a PTA meeting? I haven’t attended one in 3 years. I still volunteer as needed on an ad-hoc basis. What more does anyone really need? This focus on the PTA meeting time is a distraction.

If you want to volunteer for activities that are chosen without your input that’s great. I don’t like my time dictated by committees I don’t participate in.

You’re probably not really cut out for being a PTA volunteer anyway. Everyone wants to be a decision maker, nobody really wants to do the grunt work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my kids’ elementary, they tried evening meetings and not many came. They switched meetings to 8AM (school start time of 8AM) and had much better attendance. Working parents who wanted to attend would just start work late that day, and most SAHPs preferred it. They also live-streamed the meetings.

I didn’t have any say in scheduling, just saying how it worked at our school.

+1. This is how our school does it too. Working moms who have the bandwidth to volunteer with the PTA usually also have the flexibility to start work at 9:30am one day a month.

This reflects a selection bias. Another way to express the same data is that you are only interested in working mothers whose jobs afford them the flexibility to arrive at work at 9:30– no shift workers, no care workers, no one with international calls etc.

And so, anyone who falls into that category should correctly conclude that you’re not interested in them and not take the PTA requests particularly seriously.

Have you been to a PTA meeting? I haven’t attended one in 3 years. I still volunteer as needed on an ad-hoc basis. What more does anyone really need? This focus on the PTA meeting time is a distraction.

I disagree. The meetings are when the agenda is set— when they decide we need a $10,000 teacher appreciation week fundraiser but no free after school activities. I’m happy to spend time volunteering to support the kids I'm not interested in volunteering to serve breakfast.

Do you think the PTA has an open vote? Usually they just rubber stamp a decision that has already been made outside the general meeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my kids’ elementary, they tried evening meetings and not many came. They switched meetings to 8AM (school start time of 8AM) and had much better attendance. Working parents who wanted to attend would just start work late that day, and most SAHPs preferred it. They also live-streamed the meetings.

I didn’t have any say in scheduling, just saying how it worked at our school.

+1. This is how our school does it too. Working moms who have the bandwidth to volunteer with the PTA usually also have the flexibility to start work at 9:30am one day a month.

This reflects a selection bias. Another way to express the same data is that you are only interested in working mothers whose jobs afford them the flexibility to arrive at work at 9:30– no shift workers, no care workers, no one with international calls etc.

And so, anyone who falls into that category should correctly conclude that you’re not interested in them and not take the PTA requests particularly seriously.

Have you been to a PTA meeting? I haven’t attended one in 3 years. I still volunteer as needed on an ad-hoc basis. What more does anyone really need? This focus on the PTA meeting time is a distraction.

If you want to volunteer for activities that are chosen without your input that’s great. I don’t like my time dictated by committees I don’t participate in.

You’re probably not really cut out for being a PTA volunteer anyway. Everyone wants to be a decision maker, nobody really wants to do the grunt work.

Your idea of a PTA volunteer as someone who does grunt work and has no input is suggestive as to why you’re struggling to find volunteers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my kids’ elementary, they tried evening meetings and not many came. They switched meetings to 8AM (school start time of 8AM) and had much better attendance. Working parents who wanted to attend would just start work late that day, and most SAHPs preferred it. They also live-streamed the meetings.

I didn’t have any say in scheduling, just saying how it worked at our school.

+1. This is how our school does it too. Working moms who have the bandwidth to volunteer with the PTA usually also have the flexibility to start work at 9:30am one day a month.

This reflects a selection bias. Another way to express the same data is that you are only interested in working mothers whose jobs afford them the flexibility to arrive at work at 9:30– no shift workers, no care workers, no one with international calls etc.

And so, anyone who falls into that category should correctly conclude that you’re not interested in them and not take the PTA requests particularly seriously.

Have you been to a PTA meeting? I haven’t attended one in 3 years. I still volunteer as needed on an ad-hoc basis. What more does anyone really need? This focus on the PTA meeting time is a distraction.

If you want to volunteer for activities that are chosen without your input that’s great. I don’t like my time dictated by committees I don’t participate in.

You’re probably not really cut out for being a PTA volunteer anyway. Everyone wants to be a decision maker, nobody really wants to do the grunt work.

Your idea of a PTA volunteer as someone who does grunt work and has no input is suggestive as to why you’re struggling to find volunteers.

No kidding. Which is why I haven’t been to PTA meetings in years so I’m not struggling whatsoever. OPs fantasy of some collaborative meeting where her voice will be heard is not my experience at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don’t want parents with jobs.

You can be upset about the disrespect and exclusion and your feelings will be valid.

Or

You can take it as a glorious get out of jail free card. You do not have to participate not because you were unwilling but— sigh— because you aren’t the target volunteer demographic. Do not volunteer, do not Venmo, and only go to the activities that actually appeal to you (or your kid) and don’t guilt free.

And if you’re ever — ever!— approached or guilted about it you just smile and say how glad you are that people have so much free time to donate to the (name the activity)

This. I feel entirely absolved of the guilt I once felt to be helpful. School volunteering is a SAHM show, and I scroll past anything the PTA has to say.

I find this astounding. Imagine women dismissing other women because you think you are above it all. Too bad if you scroll pass your kids may miss some activities because you are too busy being superior. Funny, if this was coming from a man we would say that's typical man dismissing a woman. But, it is really sad when women can't support other women. We are volunteering for the benefit of all the children! Even yours. A little appreication would be nice.

Meh. I was on the PTA board for years and still thought a lot of the activities were unnecessary. The most useful part was fundraising- our PTA funded all field trips, classroom supply budget for each teacher, and also certain software programs and equipment upgrades (new playground equipment and more). Things that were genuinely useful. Many parents were very happy to write a check in support, and honestly that was just as helpful (if not more) than sitting at PTA meetings or planning these little activities and whatnot.

There were lots of things we did that the kids appreciated and that is the main reason anyone does it. So to you it mat have been unecessarry but that does not make it so. A lot of working parents told me they appreciated all the work we did for tge kids. I was glad to do it and don't need internet approval

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my kids’ elementary, they tried evening meetings and not many came. They switched meetings to 8AM (school start time of 8AM) and had much better attendance. Working parents who wanted to attend would just start work late that day, and most SAHPs preferred it. They also live-streamed the meetings.

I didn’t have any say in scheduling, just saying how it worked at our school.

+1. This is how our school does it too. Working moms who have the bandwidth to volunteer with the PTA usually also have the flexibility to start work at 9:30am one day a month.

This reflects a selection bias. Another way to express the same data is that you are only interested in working mothers whose jobs afford them the flexibility to arrive at work at 9:30– no shift workers, no care workers, no one with international calls etc.

And so, anyone who falls into that category should correctly conclude that you’re not interested in them and not take the PTA requests particularly seriously.

Have you been to a PTA meeting? I haven’t attended one in 3 years. I still volunteer as needed on an ad-hoc basis. What more does anyone really need? This focus on the PTA meeting time is a distraction.

If you want to volunteer for activities that are chosen without your input that’s great. I don’t like my time dictated by committees I don’t participate in.

Dictated?

Are you really being coerced into “volunteering “?

[Anonymous]

Our PTA meets at 5:30 and just due to scheduling issues this is the first year I've been able to make it. I still just plan to volunteer for events outside of working hours, that's the bandwidth I have, so it doesn't much matter if people who can commit to more meet at a time that's bad for me. If I ran for office or stepped up to run a major event, it would be a different story.

[Anonymous]

If you want to launch an after school program, no or one will stop you because the PTA didn't approve it. Just do it unless you are bluffing. Email the PTA email list

[Anonymous]

the person accusing sahms of having useless spouses should be in a time out with the person claiming anyone who uses a babysitter isn't raising their children. You have to prioritize for your own life and if the group doesn't meet when it works for your family find something else to do. I woh with a sahd and 3 kids and we never did pta but always did weekend volunteer events like the school bazaar etc.. My dh volunteered for some things where men were welcome and didn't do the mom clique things he didn't like and it all worked out