Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, yes we are looking at other school options for next year. I realize I have failed as a parent, but hoping there is still time to get both of us back on track. I have an older special needs daughter who required a lot of my attention the past few years. It's not an excuse but it's been really hard.

If you have an older special needs child, you knew how much care it took. You chose to bring into your life another child that you were aware that you couldn’t take care of. Why would you do that?

NP. What's wrong with you? Why would you say such an unkind thing to a stranger?
OP I'm sorry about these unstable posters who seem to get their jollies criticizing others.
You're doing fine, OP. These types of mistakes are very normal and many "good" kids make them at one time or another. Our very responsible, straight A kid didn't make the best decisions at 13 either and she is turning out just great later in HS. Just keep guiding her in the right direction, don't be afraid of consequences and she will be ok.

You evidently missed that op said she has not been taking care of 13 year old for years. Or you don’t care about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a kid like this and my parents were busy and it was a case of benign neglect. I asked them to send me to boarding school because I wanted more challenge at school than I was getting. They didn't take it seriously. I wanted more attention and someone to talk to. I was consumed with my social life and in high school, by socual life and dating. I quit the sport I was good at. I had no plans or goals. My parents could have made a huge difference if they had talked to me and spent time with me and if they had given me rules and limits. I wanted them.

+1. But some on here are dismissing the parents responsibility which is nuts.

I was also a kid like OP describes.

By the time my parents got involved, I was too far gone. As one of 4 kids, I needed more than they had the time and space to give.

OP, it’s good you’re realizing all that going on with your kid at 13. You have time to help her; she is young and can change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a kid like this and my parents were busy and it was a case of benign neglect. I asked them to send me to boarding school because I wanted more challenge at school than I was getting. They didn't take it seriously. I wanted more attention and someone to talk to. I was consumed with my social life and in high school, by socual life and dating. I quit the sport I was good at. I had no plans or goals. My parents could have made a huge difference if they had talked to me and spent time with me and if they had given me rules and limits. I wanted them.

+1. But some on here are dismissing the parents responsibility which is nuts.

I was also a kid like OP describes.

By the time my parents got involved, I was too far gone. As one of 4 kids, I needed more than they had the time and space to give.

OP, it’s good you’re realizing all that going on with your kid at 13. You have time to help her; she is young and can change.

Unfortunately, the op just punished the daughter without recognizing that she is the problem. She also said she is too busy with sn child. It won’t change and will likely get worse.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe ppl here don’t realize that this happening more than you think. I hear it all as a middle school teacher. Nothing shocks me anymore. I would say more than half of my school is vaping IN SCHOOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe ppl here don’t realize that this happening more than you think. I hear it all as a middle school teacher. Nothing shocks me anymore. I would say more than half of my school is vaping IN SCHOOL

I actually believe it is happening a lot because people are not parenting. Look at the posts as evidenced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe ppl here don’t realize that this happening more than you think. I hear it all as a middle school teacher. Nothing shocks me anymore. I would say more than half of my school is vaping IN SCHOOL

I actually believe it is happening a lot because people are not parenting. Look at the posts as evidenced.

It’s the phones, access for everything opens up. Hook ups, vapes, drugs, drinking, and parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe ppl here don’t realize that this happening more than you think. I hear it all as a middle school teacher. Nothing shocks me anymore. I would say more than half of my school is vaping IN SCHOOL

I actually believe it is happening a lot because people are not parenting. Look at the posts as evidenced.

It’s the phones, access for everything opens up. Hook ups, vapes, drugs, drinking, and parties.

Parents not parenting. As op admitted.

[Anonymous]

You all are so judgmental. OP already acknowledges that she has been negligent due to an older SN child. This can happen to any kid who falls in the wrong crowd. It happened to DD’s old friend from a W school. Fell into wrong crowd, was drinking, vaping, marijuana, sleeping around in 9th grade. Started slowly in middle school. Parents pulled her out and ended up moving to a small town in a different state. Some of the same issues persisted. Basically, you can’t run away from the issue. Kid will find the same fast crowd wherever they move. Both parents were super attentive. Mom was SAH, very involved. She was on PTA, volunteered at school. She did everything that most people are discussing on here. I knew the family for years and was shocked as well. A lot of these issues are a lot more prevalent than most on here realize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are so judgmental. OP already acknowledges that she has been negligent due to an older SN child. This can happen to any kid who falls in the wrong crowd. It happened to DD’s old friend from a W school. Fell into wrong crowd, was drinking, vaping, marijuana, sleeping around in 9th grade. Started slowly in middle school. Parents pulled her out and ended up moving to a small town in a different state. Some of the same issues persisted. Basically, you can’t run away from the issue. Kid will find the same fast crowd wherever they move. Both parents were super attentive. Mom was SAH, very involved. She was on PTA, volunteered at school. She did everything that most people are discussing on here. I knew the family for years and was shocked as well. A lot of these issues are a lot more prevalent than most on here realize.

So the mom should continue to neglect and it’s not a contribution to the issue because your anecdotal dd’s one W friend did this with an attentive mother.
God, you are dumber than a box of rocks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are so judgmental. OP already acknowledges that she has been negligent due to an older SN child. This can happen to any kid who falls in the wrong crowd. It happened to DD’s old friend from a W school. Fell into wrong crowd, was drinking, vaping, marijuana, sleeping around in 9th grade. Started slowly in middle school. Parents pulled her out and ended up moving to a small town in a different state. Some of the same issues persisted. Basically, you can’t run away from the issue. Kid will find the same fast crowd wherever they move. Both parents were super attentive. Mom was SAH, very involved. She was on PTA, volunteered at school. She did everything that most people are discussing on here. I knew the family for years and was shocked as well. A lot of these issues are a lot more prevalent than most on here realize.

Good to know.
The new recommendation is to not be a super attentive parent and be there for one’s child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not read all these responses but just want to say I see this stuff going on at my public middle school and the parents are just so out to lunch. I don’t get it. I think people are too tired to bother so just stick their head in the sand.

Hey people…if your daughter already looks 16 in 7th grade and is very interested in her social life above all else and just loves a group sleepover and you never check her phone. Hmmm….might want to start poking around.

It’s evident by the parents on here patronizing the mom and trying to make her feel better about a situation she created.

^* pampering the mom.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are so judgmental. OP already acknowledges that she has been negligent due to an older SN child. This can happen to any kid who falls in the wrong crowd. It happened to DD’s old friend from a W school. Fell into wrong crowd, was drinking, vaping, marijuana, sleeping around in 9th grade. Started slowly in middle school. Parents pulled her out and ended up moving to a small town in a different state. Some of the same issues persisted. Basically, you can’t run away from the issue. Kid will find the same fast crowd wherever they move. Both parents were super attentive. Mom was SAH, very involved. She was on PTA, volunteered at school. She did everything that most people are discussing on here. I knew the family for years and was shocked as well. A lot of these issues are a lot more prevalent than most on here realize.

.
Love how people call others judgmental when they are being judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all are so judgmental. OP already acknowledges that she has been negligent due to an older SN child. This can happen to any kid who falls in the wrong crowd. It happened to DD’s old friend from a W school. Fell into wrong crowd, was drinking, vaping, marijuana, sleeping around in 9th grade. Started slowly in middle school. Parents pulled her out and ended up moving to a small town in a different state. Some of the same issues persisted. Basically, you can’t run away from the issue. Kid will find the same fast crowd wherever they move. Both parents were super attentive. Mom was SAH, very involved. She was on PTA, volunteered at school. She did everything that most people are discussing on here. I knew the family for years and was shocked as well. A lot of these issues are a lot more prevalent than most on here realize.

Good to know.
The new recommendation is to not be a super attentive parent and be there for one’s child.

Is this the same troll over and over accusing every poster of advocating for nonparenting? Nonstop, when there are NO suggestions of parents shouldn’t be parenting, this troll is just making this stuff up, over and over and over. replies to every post with same stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she 7th or 8th grade? At our public school, there are supposedly 8th graders having s3x in the bathroom and behind the school. This is a rich, white school. If it’s 7th grade, I think you have a much bigger problem. Obviously the group of friends she’s hanging out with is the problem, and you should probably get her away from those kids, but good luck trying. By 9th grade this was normal for many kids and continued throughout high school and college. Where are they getting the alcohol?

Wtf? Where? At Whoreville High?

Not at my large FFx middle and public school and kids today are having far less sex than they were in the 80s. In fact, many HS kids haven’t even kissed.

Teens today are drinking and have sex at much MUCH lower numbers these days so the fact your kid is doing it so so young is really disturbing. Sadly- I think once they get a taste if that drinking/sexy party lifestyle so young it’s bad news. It shows kids are much more promiscuous down the road. Even correlates to cheating.

[Anonymous]

^ so move schools.

We put ours in a single gender private. Much much better and away from all the bad influences especially at school.