AITA: Getting crap for not attending a Friday wedding because we have no childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am impressed with your BIL - flying with a 1 YO and 3 YO by himself. How long is the flight?
(These is no way I would watch kids after that)

I'm less impressed that he booked flights with no childcare plan, just assuming someone else would figure it out for him

This! Who the heck books airfare with young kids to a child free wedding without securing childcare ahead of time? If anyone ITA it’s BIL. There’s nothing here to be impressed about.

Someone who does whatever they want and expects other people to do the dirty work.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL is a real piece of work. Unbelievable.

IF I had a good relationship with BIL/SIL and they are people that would likewise help US if needed- I would consider it IF they asked me personally (not via MIL) , and paid for a sitter to assist.

For me personally, the answer would be a big fat NO. My BIL and his wife would never help us with anything, and frankly do not even like us. For you, it may be different!

[Anonymous]

Ok I’m invested in knowing whether the two posters are going to the same wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok I’m invested in knowing whether the two posters are going to the same wedding.

ME TOO! Need answers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok I’m invested in knowing whether the two posters are going to the same wedding.

ME TOO! Need answers!

Same. I've read the whole thread only interested in the grocery store meet-up confirmation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BIL’s wife should skip marathon.

Why? She probably started training for it way before these in laws decided to plan a wedding in the middle of the day on a Friday. You don’t just wake up one day and decide to run a marathon. I think it’s up to the BIL to figure out childcare — not on his wife to give up a long term goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok I’m invested in knowing whether the two posters are going to the same wedding.

ME TOO! Need answers!

Same. I've read the whole thread only interested in the grocery store meet-up confirmation.

Waiting for an update about this too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh's cousin is getting married at 3pm on a Friday two hours away from home so we'd have to leave by noon at the latest if we went. Our kids are 5 and 2. On Fridays, our older one gets out of school at 3pm and our little one only has a half day of daycare til 12:30 then comes home for nap. DH's whole family will be at the wedding obviously so they can't watch the kids, my mom still works full time, and our 3 regular sitters also work full time. We are going on a vacation two weeks before the wedding and don't really have extra PTO to burn either.

For some reason this has spiraled into a huge family issue. DH's brother called last night and said that he is planning on coming in to town for the wedding with his 3yo and 1yo because his wife has a marathon that weekend and asked if whoever is watching our kids can watch his too. We said we weren't planning on going because we don't have anyone to watch the kids. Then he suggests that we split an AirBnb near the wedding (in the middle of literal nowhere) and "find a local babysitter" to watch all 4 kids. Then was annoyed when we said we weren't leaving our kids in a strange house with a strange person. Finally, MIL calls and suggests that she, FIL, DH, and BIL just go to the wedding as a family and I take the day off work and have all 4 kids (1, 2, 3, and 5yo) by myself overnight.

I'm perfectly happy with DH going to the wedding alone and staying home with my kids, but I don't have a PTO day to take and just really don't want the 4 little kids alone for the night. AITA?

You are not, but I'd make BIL a deal that he pays for a sitter/mother's helper for you for the afternoon (sounds like you are home after your 3 yo is out of daycare?) up until 11 or midnight. As long as the family doesn't regularly take advantage of you I think this would be a nice gesture of goodwill. I mean, it's rare to attend something as your nuclear family of origin after you're married with kids. I'd take on a little to make it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

Considering kids have died under care.com “care,” you need to STFU with your judgment:
https://erdorsey2.medium.com/care-com-multiple-deaths-and-child-abuses-fraudulent-billing-and-a-harvey-weinstein-babysitter-7468edb54ea0

Oh, grow up. Kids have died under daycare and nanny “care” too, drama queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

Considering kids have died under care.com “care,” you need to STFU with your judgment:
https://erdorsey2.medium.com/care-com-multiple-deaths-and-child-abuses-fraudulent-billing-and-a-harvey-weinstein-babysitter-7468edb54ea0

LOL. Yep, if OP hires a sitter it's a death sentence. You're on to something!

I only use trusted babysitters I personally know and have a longstanding relationship with, after I’ve personally checked their references. We only use sitters who have at least one time worked for licensed daycare centers. But if you are comfortable leaving your kids with a total stranger, feel free.

Land the helicopter, anxiety mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

Considering kids have died under care.com “care,” you need to STFU with your judgment:
https://erdorsey2.medium.com/care-com-multiple-deaths-and-child-abuses-fraudulent-billing-and-a-harvey-weinstein-babysitter-7468edb54ea0

LOL. Yep, if OP hires a sitter it's a death sentence. You're on to something!

I only use trusted babysitters I personally know and have a longstanding relationship with, after I’ve personally checked their references. We only use sitters who have at least one time worked for licensed daycare centers. But if you are comfortable leaving your kids with a total stranger, feel free.

Land the helicopter, anxiety mom.

I hope you're joking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can take half a PTO day to watch your own kids at home or work remotelh so DH can attend the wedding. BIL's kids are his and SIL's problem to solve. Unless this was a last minute wedding, you and DH knew about this wedding at the time you made your vacation plans so you could have set aside a PTO day for this event.

This.

[Anonymous]

Our family would be developing the Norovirus suddenly before the wedding and be totally unable to accommodate anyone.

[Anonymous]

No way are you TA.

This is such a nightmare scenario.

Skip the cousin's wedding. Say you couldn't find childcare / it just wouldn't work.

If the BIL and parents want to visit with you, they are welcome to stop by.

On the other hand, if your husband wants to go, he could, but only if he actually wants to.

Weddings are for family. If you're not going to invite mine to your wedding, I'm not attending.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't agree to take 4 kids under 5.