SIL won't allow nephew to propose to his GF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 23 year old nephew (who is going to grad school in another state) wants to propose his college girlfriend but his mom won't allow him. He is devastated and asked us to convince her. His GF works online for an IT company and can move with him but obviously won't move unless there is a commitment. SIL is paying fir MBA (though nephew worked for one year and saved some money). Should we talk to his mother? My husband thinks his sister is being manipulative because she sees her adult children as children while they are smart adults and this way either she'll break their relationship or mess her relationship with the son. I would rather stay out of it but he wants both of us to go so i can be more like a mediator between them as she frustrates him. Her husband (long time separated) supports his son but sees no harm in waiting if mom is insisting.

Please just tell your nephew to cut the mommy strings so he can be an adult. His mother sounds like a sick control freak who wants to manipulate her boy forever. Are you able to help with his education costs? If not, he should still figure out how to be self-sufficient, even if he needs to delay his graduate degree. Have you met his GF? What do you think of their future together?

Its not just money, more about two of them wanting mom's blessings. I've met GF couple of times, if she was dating my son, i would propose her myself. In today's dating universe, its hard to find kind and compatible partners. My SIL has nothing against her, just finding it hard to let go of her baby so early and of course wanting him to have more fun before settling down. Her separation has made her more difficult then ever.

[Anonymous]

Thai has starter marriage written ALL over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No marriage or babies before 30.

Yes, I agree. That way you can have kids when you’re old and tired and no fun and be too old to enjoy grandkids and have a nice life.

Having children in one’s 30’s is not old. You are stupid no matter what age you age.

Hey, if a solid marriage in one's 20s, why not have kids?
It's not like 30 is some magical age for parenting.
I've known a few women in my firm who had 2 under 30. They made sure to pass their licensing exams already - had all their ducks in a row.
I am very jealous that when they are 50, their kids will be in their early 20s and somewhat self-sufficient. Here I am facing 55 with 2 kids still to put thru college and worrying about age-ism in the workplace and how much longer I can earn before being perceived as too old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His mother won't let him propose? His GF should take the opportunity to end the relationship before she's saddled with a crazy MIL and a husband who won't stand up for himself.

This. It sounds like the girlfriend will be dodging a bullet.

This is why my DH wants to talk to her because with her control issues she'll not only end up pushing her son away but may poison the in-law relationship with whoever and whenever he marries. She has already done it with her husband.

[Anonymous]

It could be that the mom knows something about her son's personality and wants him to finish his MBA before embarking on marriage.
She might want him to do his MBA without distractions. We all know the reality of MBA programs - networking is important. If you are tied down with family life already, you miss the networking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your nephew has whatever it is that my BIL has where he has convinced his family that his wife has not "let" him get a job for the last 20 years.

He is one of the most smart and ambitious young person we know. Barely 23, already has a top college degree (full merit ride), sort after internships, a job in a prestigious company, acceptance to an elite business program. I don't see him getting slow. My DH thinks having a steady and strong relationship helps him focus on his goals.

PP here - my comment was a little bit tongue in cheek, but I tend to agree with the sentiment that an adult needs to be an adult. He shouldn't be lobbying you and your husband to get involved. He should forge his own path.

My counsel to him would be to compromise. Tell GF he is working to make it happen, propose over the summer. Plan the wedding for next summer. If mom doesn't give in by then, oh well.

Then you and your husband don't have to make a direct appeal. You can just express your support.

[Anonymous]

Look, he is already finding himself in a situation where a girl can give him ultimatums. That means he is a weak man and it’s best if he listens to mommy. She probably knows the girl isn’t right for him. He has so much time to find a nice girl later on.
I am a woman fwiw

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His mother won't let him propose? His GF should take the opportunity to end the relationship before she's saddled with a crazy MIL and a husband who won't stand up for himself.

This. It sounds like the girlfriend will be dodging a bullet.

This is why my DH wants to talk to her because with her control issues she'll not only end up pushing her son away but may poison the in-law relationship with whoever and whenever he marries. She has already done it with her husband.

I mean, your DH can try to talk to his sister, but it's really doubtful it will make a difference.

It would be more important to have your DH talk to your nephew and explain a few things about his mom / dh's sister.
Sounds like until the nephew gets free of his parents, there is no way he can get married to anyone. And, even when he does, it will be fraught with MIL issues. He will probably need help from his uncle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could be that the mom knows something about her son's personality and wants him to finish his MBA before embarking on marriage.
She might want him to do his MBA without distractions. We all know the reality of MBA programs - networking is important. If you are tied down with family life already, you miss the networking.

She is afraid of being alone because if his GF stays here, he'll come back but if she goes with him, who knows where they'll end up.

[Anonymous]

My DH did his MBA after we got married. It was the best time of our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MBAs aren’t useful without previous work experience.

Bullsh*t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could be that the mom knows something about her son's personality and wants him to finish his MBA before embarking on marriage.
She might want him to do his MBA without distractions. We all know the reality of MBA programs - networking is important. If you are tied down with family life already, you miss the networking.

Lot of grad students have girlfriends and wives and came out with great jobs.

[Anonymous]

I moved ACROSS THE ATLANTIC at 22 to be with my boyfriend, who I knew was serious and marriage-oriented. Applied to grad school there instead of in my home country. Got married, has kids, oldest is now about to go to college.

If these youngsters were truly in love, they'd find a way to be together regardless of what the parents think and regardless of whether someone formally proposed or not. This girlfriend works online! She'll be moving from one spot in the US to another spot in the same country! There is really no uprooting.

From where I'm standing, all the people involved seem unnecessarily rigid and traditional, which makes me think these two young people don't really want to be together. Otherwise they'd be together!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MBAs aren’t useful without previous work experience.

Bullsh*t.

This young man already scored a great job AND top 10 MBA acceptance with just an undergrad degree and internships. I doubt he'll struggle after graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t pay for grad school if my kid were married either. I’m on team SIL. When your nephew is mature enough to finance his own school, he’s mature enough for marriage.

This makes no sense. I knew umc and rich families who paid for their kids’ law or medical school and weddings while they were still enrolled. Marrying young and being in a great grad/professional program are signs of MATURITY and STABILITY.

Marrying young is not a sign of maturity and stability. Quite the antithetical.

Antithetical in an adjective, not a noun. You mean opposite. Just use the obvious word and stop trying to sound smart. It's backfiring on you.

Says the one who writes in sentence fragments.

You just wrote a sentence fragment in response to her four perfectly complete sentences. Short sentences aren’t “sentence fragments.”