Anyone else here struggle with your feelings about ppl who don’t work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that focusing on whether or not that SAHMs of school-aged kids are making a bad choice is the wrong way to think about OP’s issue. It actually doesn’t matter. The issue is that OP is apparently having an outsized reaction to things that don’t impact her and that she can’t do anything about. People make terrible decisions all the time, and it’s important to notice when our reaction to those decisions are having a negative impact on our lives. Those reactions tell us about ourselves and might point to something in our life that we could actually change and make better.

I have had to work through this with a therapist. I used to ruminate in the shower about the way that some husbands treated their wives and this sort of got me down, even though my husband is amazing! And I didnt have this intense reaction to hearing about things that were objectively worse. Talking with my therapist, I realized that when I heard about men treating their wives badly, it subconsciously reminded me of my mom complaining of my dad treating her badly and sort of got me in that same headspace. I think I was ultimately a little unsure about my husband’s love and commitment for me. I worked on how to feel more secure in my marriage and on accepting the fact that life is always uncertain. Just thinking “well maybe these wives are exaggerating how bad it was” wouldn’t have helped.

Op - this is maybe it.
I think I was brought up and educated to believe that everyone should be contributing to society and that doing ‘nothing’ all day is inherently ‘less than’. So I have worked SO hard to fulfil that ‘destiny’ - and done work in politics and ngos and news and on campaigns etc. but I’m also tired so it’s like my trigger is my exhaustion and stress fighting with what my parents and very expensive private school raised me to think was ‘correct’

I’m one of the PPs, and newly SAH with school age kids. This was it for me, too. My parents revere and respect work and really imparted that to us. I get contributing to society. I worked almost continuously from 15-40 and also had some kids! You have contributed. You are still contributing if you’re bringing up kids and I bet you have decades left of useful healthy life in front of you and will do more work for the benefit of society, however you define it. It’s ok to be at leisure, too. If you think about it, so much human endeavor is about making life easier, more efficient, and more comfortable for people so that in theory we CAN enjoy leisure. But for some reason, instead of taking advantage of all those efficiencies and labor saving technology, we make ourselves work more.

You don’t owe society or capitalism your labor. Nothing wrong with taking some time to enjoy if you can afford it (which all that working and saving allowed me to do).

Capitalism? No. Society? Yes. Otherwise you're just a parasite.

Arbeit macht frei, baby.

Idk if the sign they had on concentration camps next to the word ‘baby’ is achieving what you want it to here

But what PP is alluding to is accurate: the theory that you're a parasite if you're not contributing with your labor was the justification for putting disabled people in camps. Obviously nobody is suggesting that we should do something like that, but the idea that people who don't labor are threats to society definitely has a chokehold on us.

I'm the PP who used the term parasite. I should have been more specific.

IMO, if you're able to contribute and choose not to - consistently over the course of your life - you're a parasite. This obviously doesn't apply to those can't contribute, those who have but have retired, or those who need to take a pause during their top productivity years for whatever reason.

And, again, "contributing" does not necessarily mean having a job. Maybe you're supporting others in need, maybe you're volunteering, maybe you're creating art for broad consumption rather than for profit, maybe you're planting trees... the possibilities are endless. Just something that contributes rather than sitting there and consuming resources without any useful output.

How can you possibly know which people are doing something useful and which are not based on a social media post or whatever limited info you could possibly know from your viewpoint. If you are open to the idea that person could be contributing without a regular job, it’s very possible that the people you consider parasites are actually doing something useful but not advertising it to you. Because why should they? Is the point to be useful or to prove their usefulness to you?

I am not religious but I do think this is something Christianity gets right. It’s not up to humans to decide which people have lead worthwhile lives and which have not. You are not the arbiter.

Weird assumptions. I'm not basing my judgement on social media posts. Like I said earlier, I refrain from judging unless I have adequate knowledge. So....

1) I know specific individuals well enough to feel comfortable judging this in this fashion.
and
2) I'm judging, in the abstract, people who fit this description. Just like I don't need to personally know a murderer in order to judge that category of people.


And where on earth do you think Christianity isn't judgemental? That's, like, the whole point of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are women so quick to judge women rather than a society that doesn't help working mothers thrive? The opt-out is real.

Not everybody in this thread is a woman.

Okay, revised for you. >> Why are women and MEN so quick to judge women rather than a society that doesn't help working mothers thrive? The opt-out is real.

Although TBH a thread about WOHM hating SAHM or *checks notes* believe they are parasites, really isn't inclusive of men.

I'm the one using the term parasite. I'm a man. Keep trying.

[Anonymous]

There may be some jealousy, OP, but it is reflexive to be frustrated with people who don’t pull their weight. Of course, all those not working don’t directly impact you, but in the bigger picture, it “feels like” they’re freeloaders, which they are unless they’re living off their own assets. It doesn’t matter if one spouse makes a ton, or they have a trust fund, unless it’s their own money, they are freeloaders. Also, almost every billionaire works, yet your buddies do not. What’s up with that? As an earlier poster said, I am not jealous because I know I’m better than them. That is, I’m contributing to society, not just consuming it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I love this comment so much and I love that the only rebuttal people are giving is "no, I'd stay at my non-rewarding job no matter what!"

That is quite an assumption. Rewards take many forms.

Okay, fine, if's funny that the rebuttal is "I would keep writing my little emails and attend my little meetings even if I had all the money in the world, so I'm justified in judging SAHMs!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I love this comment so much and I love that the only rebuttal people are giving is "no, I'd stay at my non-rewarding job no matter what!"

That is quite an assumption. Rewards take many forms.

This. Fulfilling vs. non-fulfilling jobs are apples vs. oranges.

Yeah I think PP is assuming all working mothers have boring paper-pushing middle management or support jobs. I know plenty of accomplished women with excellent, fulfilling jobs. And who are also great moms, even if can't contribute to school volunteer work in the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There may be some jealousy, OP, but it is reflexive to be frustrated with people who don’t pull their weight. Of course, all those not working don’t directly impact you, but in the bigger picture, it “feels like” they’re freeloaders, which they are unless they’re living off their own assets. It doesn’t matter if one spouse makes a ton, or they have a trust fund, unless it’s their own money, they are freeloaders. Also, almost every billionaire works, yet your buddies do not. What’s up with that? As an earlier poster said, I am not jealous because I know I’m better than them. That is, I’m contributing to society, not just consuming it.

WOW

[Anonymous]

I don’t judge people who don’t work. However I do judge some moms who claim they don’t work for ridiculous reasons like preschool pickups or difficult children. I can’t tell if they deep down really just don’t want to work or if they think preschool pickup is really a good reason. I dislike how their lifestyle enables their husband to not be an equal parent or partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t judge people who don’t work. However I do judge some moms who claim they don’t work for ridiculous reasons like preschool pickups or difficult children. I can’t tell if they deep down really just don’t want to work or if they think preschool pickup is really a good reason. I dislike how their lifestyle enables their husband to not be an equal parent or partner.

I do wish there were more SAHPs of both genders. I don't care about the choice, but do think the bolded tends to be an important consequence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I don’t think this is true and I’m sad for you that you hate your job that much

NP. Would you stay in your current job if you unexpectedly inherited 5 million dollars?

Yup. I have this much. Why do you think Kim kardashian and Elon musk keep working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people wouldn't work if they didn't have to, so I would say there is probably some jealousy there.

NP. I agree. I'm sorry you have to work "crazy, bananas hard" OP. I used to have to do that. Now, I don't. I SAH and am enjoying the last few years I have with my kids before they all go off to college and beyond. I missed so much of their early lives trying to fulfill ambition that, in all honesty, was just a myth I had about myself. It wasn't my truth. I finally achieved what I was working for and it was B.S. I didn't want to be there. I hit the wall. I resigned and am a million times happier.

BTW, I don't "do nothing." I make a home for my family. It's a big deal if all you've ever done is outsource everything and half-assed your way through your evenings trying to fold laundry and check homework at the same time DH is ordering takeout. It's an honor and privilege to be a mother (and wife) to my family.

I hope you find your happiness one day, OP. Your envy signals that you haven't done so quite yet.

This v judgy.
Ft working parents can be just as good if not better parents than sahms

[Anonymous]

Some people seem to judge you no matter what you do. I think people have a need to validate their own choices and feel they are superior to others.
Maybe it is because some people have more black and white thinking and they want to feel they are on a higher rung of the pecking order than others.
I’m a teacher and people are constantly judging me for my profession.
I often hear that teachers are lazy and dumb. I like my job but if I quit to stay home, I would be judged too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I don’t think this is true and I’m sad for you that you hate your job that much

NP. Would you stay in your current job if you unexpectedly inherited 5 million dollars?

Yup. I have this much. Why do you think Kim kardashian and Elon musk keep working?

Because they are narcissists or have narcissistic tendencies and get lots of attention for it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are women so quick to judge women rather than a society that doesn't help working mothers thrive? The opt-out is real.

Not everybody in this thread is a woman.

Okay, revised for you. >> Why are women and MEN so quick to judge women rather than a society that doesn't help working mothers thrive? The opt-out is real.

Although TBH a thread about WOHM hating SAHM or *checks notes* believe they are parasites, really isn't inclusive of men.

Op - I never made the parasite comment. Nor did I say I hate sahms.
I said that specifically moms who don’t have any occupation once their kids are ft at school (absent other context) make me feel something that is part envy but also more. Idk what it is but I know it’s my own stuff. Just trying to figure out what

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I don’t think this is true and I’m sad for you that you hate your job that much

NP. Would you stay in your current job if you unexpectedly inherited 5 million dollars?

Yup. I have this much. Why do you think Kim kardashian and Elon musk keep working?

Because they are narcissists or have narcissistic tendencies and get lots of attention for it?

Many many very wealthy ppl keep working. Often bc theh understand life is hard and want to set their kids up for success bht mostly bc they have a higher purpose and gain a lot of self satisfaction and identity from their career

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t judge people who don’t work. However I do judge some moms who claim they don’t work for ridiculous reasons like preschool pickups or difficult children. I can’t tell if they deep down really just don’t want to work or if they think preschool pickup is really a good reason. I dislike how their lifestyle enables their husband to not be an equal parent or partner.

When I’m pretty sure that someone is judging my choices, I give less than serous responses. “What do I do? Oh, I’m a professional mooch…” so there’s a chance that “preschool pickup” is just a quick conversation ender.