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Is it a hate crime?
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Anonymous
| Our next door neighbor clearly doesn't like our family: 2 mommies & 3 kids under 7. Most of the time he glares and says nothing. If we hang a rainbow flag he stands at the end of the sidewalk and glares. Once our Equality Maryland sign "disappeared". We suspected him, but didn't have proof. Now he has being coming to the door and accusing us of all kinds of stuff. He's clearly nuts. But he's be pointing his fingers at us and saying "I know what kind of people you are." and "What kind of Christians are you?" It's getting bad and we live in a nice area where most of the people are pretty accepting. We've noticed that the only families he gets along with on the block are white and hetro. Our neighbors who are black and middle eastern have the same issues with him being snide, but our situation with him is far worst. Is this a hate crime or just a bad neighbor situation? |
Anonymous
| What a jerk. I would call the non emergency police number and ask them. Even if it isn't a hate crime he sounds like a disgusting person. Maybe they can come out and atleast talk to him. |
Anonymous
|
I would be very aware of him and I'll tell you why. My brother in law and his wife had a neighbor very similar to yours. He was a total jerk, etc. He would make inappropriate comments to them, and their guests. They had built a very architecturally forward home next to his traditional home. This went on for three years.
Then their dog died suddenly. One night, coming back from walking the new puppy they came back to police cars surrounding their home. Their neighbor had taken his shotgun and gone into their house and shot out all of their windows, their beds and their cars. The police were called by HIS OWN horrified 9 and 12 year old children. He was arrested, and during the trial let them know that he had fed their dog anti freeze.. Also, he insisted that their home was a mind control center. He had seemed like such a normal total jerk before that. I can only tell you that if your neighbor's public behavior is offensive, it is only the tip of the iceberg to what they are thinking privately. It was a very very sad situation for his family, but we were upset with his wife, to whom he had been making threats against the neighbors for years, and who said nothing. I am not trying to scare you, just warn you, warn you. You have children and you have to be very aware of this person. |
Anonymous
| It can only be a hate crime if it is a crime. Sounds like your neighbor is an a$$hole but, unfortunately, that's not illegal. |
Anonymous
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Actually, this guy sounds a bit obsessive and sick to me. I wouldn't worry about whether it's a hate crime or not -- his behavior is troubling regardless of how you define it. 16:06 is right. I'd be concerned about him. Hopefully he won't go beyond what he is doing now but I'd listen to your uneasiness.
An excellent book to consult is "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. De Becker advises that people should pay attention to their intuition about people like this and he also advocates a course that doesn't involve confrontation because it just feeds the person's need for attention. |
Anonymous
| It's not criminal to be an asshole. So no, he hasn't done anything yet to qualify as a crime (since you can't prove he stole the flag). But he is clearly a bad neighbor who seems to have some prejudices. Sorry you have to deal with this. Hopefully you can ignore him as much as possible, and simply don't answer the door if he comes over? |
Anonymous
| If you ask someone not to come to your door and he continues to do it, isn't that trespassing? Trespassing is a crime and so is harassment. Question is, are those "crimes" extreme enough to be considered a "hate crime"? I'm really not sure what the laws are. |
Anonymous
Op here. We did and they said it was trespassing. So we sent him a letter asking him not to come to our door anymore and to communicate by writing a letter or calling a an acceptable time. He still comes knocking and we ignore him. Yes, we could have him arrested or at least talked to by the police, but my DP is worried it'll make him worst. |
Anonymous
| Perhaps you can get restraining order? The purpose being primarily to have the trespassing or any other actions elevated to greater illegality, so that you can use law enforcement if necessary. Not saying you have to escalate it, but if you need to do so, having the RO in place can be helpful. |
Anonymous
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You should make it clear to him AGAIN that he is not welcome to come knocking on your door and take action. I thought that restraining orders are only for someone threatening bodily harm, but I think that the definition varies a little by province.
A chat with the cops may work well to get his attitude under control. If it doesn't, you will have the documentation you need to take it another step. |
Anonymous
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16:34 again -- seriously, you should check out de Becker's book. As I recall, he points out that restraining orders can just add to the engagement a stalker feels. It has the effect of elevating the conflict and giving the stalker more attention, which is exactly what he wants -- so he gets even more engaged in stalking.
I know I'm sounding alarmist and I'm not in your situation so it may be that a restraining order would be the way to go. I'm no expert! But do think about your next steps carefully. |
Anonymous
Op here. I have it on order now. Thanks. |
Anonymous
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Any letter you send should be sent via certified/registered mail (I get the two confused ) so he has to sign for it and you have documentation that he received it.
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Anonymous
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Totally agree about being careful with escalation. Here are some tips we got from the cops on how to deal with the whole neighbor-from-hell thing:
1. Keep close documentation like a notepad at the door to jot down times/dates of "visits". 2. Casually recruit neighbors in a non-alarmist way to watch out for "trespassers" because the kids are getting upset. You don't have to mention him by name. Just a neighborly request - parent to parent. Don't make into a personal "we say/he says". Keep it focused on the kids. 3. DO NOT - REPEAT - NOT use email or leave a paper/letter trail with your neighbors as this could be used against you as slander/harrassment. Ironically it could make him out to be the victim. (Yes, the cops told us this.) 4. Put up a dummy security/web cam (think of it as a scarecrow). You don't even have to hook it up. You can casually mention something to neighbors like, "gee - never thought we'd have to put up a camera in this neighborhood." (OK, so the cops didn't mention this, but we know someone who did.) Don't let him isolate you. Sorry you're having to go through this. Really hope it doesn't get worse. |
Anonymous
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I'm not sure of the legal parameters, but this sounds like stalking to me. At the very least, your neighbor is abusive and you must protect yourself and your family from him. Please don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and remove him from your lives. Telling him he can only abuse you during certain hours isn't the way to go.
It's better to be safe than sorry with people in general, and it's better to risk offending someone innocent (but he's not innocent) than risk harm to you and your family. For strangers and casual acquaintances, you don't really need them in your life. So what if you err on the side of caution and remove from your lives someone you don't really like? I'm a hetero female, but learned this lesson the hard way after being stalked in college. I kept trying to set up these ridiculous guidelines for appropriate contact when I should have just insisted on no contact. It's really the only way to go. BTW, you don't need to prove ANYTHING to anyone. Don't get trapped in trying to be nice or polite or whatever. I'm sure you're plenty nice and polite to people who treat you well. Abusers try to get you on the defensive. Don't go there. Good luck to you and yours. |