Reconnecting with young family members no longer kids

[Anonymous]

So recently I received a wedding invitation from my ex's family. It was not appropriate for me to attend since my ex has a new spouse, and according to my kids, he is not allowed to have any contact with me. Something along the lines of how she would like to see me try to attend something and "find out" etc. This is not necessarily public knowledge but I am good.

In my RSVP I sent a quick note about how this would not be a good idea for various reasons, but apologized for being apparently absent so many years. I gave them my cell phone number which has apparently now been passed around to the younger generation, many of whom have texted me quite nicely.

The thing I notice is that they all seem to want to recommend things for me to watch on TV or movies to see. I've been on my own for a while now and have gone through a litany of the things they recommend, the best miniseries etc. I've already seen them. But I feel so bad when they reach out and recommend something, and it feels wrong to say, "I've already seen that" so I always play dumb and say I think it sounds amazing and I will watch it immediately and get back to them.

This is where little white lies are OK, right?

[Anonymous]

OK, well, that is a pretty complicated scenario for what is a fairly straightforward question (ie, no need for all the drama around it). It seems like the younger generation wants to be in touch in a more specific way with you.

Why not say, oh thanks, I really loved that series - I'm a big fan of the lead. [or whatever - something specific]. Then I just started watch XX - it's so good.

WHat you watch is such an easy conversation piece. They are just engaging in dialogue when there's not much else ot say. You can either continue it or not.

Do you want to stay in touch or no? Do you want a relationship or just this superficial check in? Decide those answers and proceed accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Um, what.

[Anonymous]

Yep, you're overthinking/worrying. 14:30 has it right. Use it as a conversation starter - Yes, I watched that and loved it also! Did you see blah blah blah... How's life with you? I often love so and so in those kinds of roles, ....

Just use it as a launching pad for chatting.

[Anonymous]

Yes, an odd launch to this basic question.
Btw, glad they are reaching out and connecting with you in ways that seem comfortable and normal to them. Kind of an odd message (threat?) from your ex-DH spouse. Please be careful OP.

[Anonymous]

I think it is fabulous when people reconnect like this. You should be more interactive and make suggestions to them also. If you live in the same area, you could ask if they want to catch up at Starbucks — your treat. Or come
Over and binge watch an old season of a show you both like.

I had an aunt and uncle that I would not have said I was close to growing up. When my mom died, my aunt and uncle really stepped up and into our lives in a way that I would never have anticipated. I am so very happy that we reconnected. They are bonus grandparents to my kids and we vacation with them regularly. We love them so much.

It really started the first Thanksgiving after my mom died and I basically reached out and said “we would love to see you Thanksgiving weekend.” I just really wanted to do something different that year, and it felt too hard to see my husband and his mom together. My aunt and uncle immediately included us in all their plans and then we started doing more together. I have a child with profound ID and my other kid was undergoing brain cancer treatment when my mom died (she is fine 10 years later). They just jumped right in and helped us, enjoyed each others company, etc.