Too much unstructured time

[Anonymous]

My 3rd grader who has ADHD (inattentive) is a very creative kid, not super quirky or nerdy though. She’s relatively laid back and doesn’t like a lot of structure but I’m starting to get concerned that she isn’t taking to structured activities the way her friends are.

I’ve had her in tennis, basketball, soccer, and swim team this year and the only one she really likes is swim team. She LOVES being on/ in the water and water sports on our beach vacations but otherwise she goofs off and has zero interest in actually playing. Anything not sports related is a nightmare like music, ect. All she wants to do is play pretend with friends and neighbors and play outside. I guess I should be lucky that she had zero interest in video games or a lot of TV but skill development is important and with her academics and natural intellect already being pretty weak I worry for what this will mean in a few years.

Is this normal for this age?

[Anonymous]

I think it's super normal for some kids. I would decide as a family if you want to encourage a more consistent activity (and maybe that would be swimming?) But I don't think you have to make her do things. Some people come to their passions later in life, and some just like to dabble forever.

My ADHD kid liked to try every. single. activity. So she did just about everything when young, and wasn't great at any of it. It wasn't until she got a bit older (11/12) and found some things that she absolutely clicked with that she narrowed down. I think every kid is very different

[Anonymous]

Some kids feel like they have enough structure in school and resist sports structure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 3rd grader who has ADHD (inattentive) is a very creative kid, not super quirky or nerdy though. She’s relatively laid back and doesn’t like a lot of structure but I’m starting to get concerned that she isn’t taking to structured activities the way her friends are.

I’ve had her in tennis, basketball, soccer, and swim team this year and the only one she really likes is swim team. She LOVES being on/ in the water and water sports on our beach vacations but otherwise she goofs off and has zero interest in actually playing. Anything not sports related is a nightmare like music, ect. All she wants to do is play pretend with friends and neighbors and play outside. I guess I should be lucky that she had zero interest in video games or a lot of TV but skill development is important and with her academics and natural intellect already being pretty weak I worry for what this will mean in a few years.

Is this normal for this age?

I don't think this is that abnormal. Something will probably click in the future as she gets older. It might not, which is also fine, not every kid takes to structured activities outside of school. Also, "skill development" might seem important, but you can force her to develop skills. You can bang your head against a wall trying, but you have to parent the kid she is. Right now that sounds like one who wants to play pretend outside.

[Anonymous]

Swim team is not nothing. If she is doing a competitive program, it's twice a week. You add in maybe one other thing (after school clubs?) and that is a plenty full schedule for a third grader.

[Anonymous]

As long as she it outside playing and playing with friends, leave it.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried martial arts like Tae Kwon Do? It seems to be popular and well-aligned for lot of kids with ADHD (including my 4th grade DS - though there are girls there too).

[Anonymous]

Very normal. Some kids don't even find the one thing that clicks with them. And swim team is awesome because it's physical exercise, there's a social component, and she can do it year round and for many years.

My kid is similar to yours and has one thing she's passionate about and always wants to do (dance) but little to no interest in other sports and activities she's tried. This year she did an afterschool STEM club that, while not a huge hit, was tolerable and put her in a different setting with new kids. Next year we are going to try scouts. If it doesn't take, it's fine. She still has dance.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Too much structured time bad for you.

[Anonymous]

My now 13yo DD has ADHD, Your DD sounds fine. She has friends, likes socializing and has found a sport she enjoys. Mine was a swimmer at that age and now loves basketball and soccer too. Music and other non physical things, she did the bare minimum as well. Theyll be ok.

[Anonymous]

Why is this a problem again? Wants to actually play outside, has neighborhood friends, isn't addicted to screens. Sounds great to me.

[Anonymous]

Let. Her. Play. Stop enrolling her in things and let her play with the neighbor kids. There will be a few. Take her to the good playgrounds and let her run around having fun. She doesn't need to be enrolled in every single thing. That is more about you, OP, and burnishing your own parenting brand than helping your kid. There is nothing more important at that age that unstructured play.

[Anonymous]

My girls were like this too and they were not ADHD. They loved to play inside and outside and bristled at needing to leave for X activity. We tried a few random ones here and there but neither took anything seriously until about 5th/6th grade. The pretend play will wane on its own and you can worry about activities then. I’d keep the swim though.

[Anonymous]

Why are you so worried about this op? Let your kids be kids and stop trying to push them out of it. Are you trying to say structured activities are better than free play/time?

[Anonymous]

Its fine as long as she has friends to interact with. It's only a problem if there are no other kids for her to play with, then she might find interest in a structured activity for social reasons. You can deal with that when or if it happens.