Adult sister on the spectrum

[Anonymous]

My older sister was the golden child growing up- good grades, never got in trouble, etc. She was always kinda awkward socially and a nerd, although she had a group of similar friends in HS. For some reason her quirks have gotten more grating as she's gotten older- when we all see eachother at family gathering she's always quieter than everyone else and it's awkward. I know some of our cousins think she is weird too. Occasionally we do milestone sister weekends with our other sister but the last time she blew up about something and got upset and I've made excuses for any suggestions for having one again. My other sister and I have gotten together on our own when she was out of the country and unavalable.

Well she recently got a neuropsych and they say she has Adhd, anxiety, and mild autism. I guess it explains a lot (I doubt she really has Adhd though) but now what do I do? She asked us not to tell our parents, I guess it would knock her off her pedestal. Should I be making more efforts to engage and visit? I want to tell her her DD should get an eval too because I see some of the same signs.....

[Anonymous]

You sound jealous of your sister. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Why hasn't she thought about her DD also having it? Tell her. It's not like you hang out all the time and now won't.
I have whole family denying that they have it. One go evaluated and he is trying to tell others.
They just think the extra struggles are part of life and everything weird is simply preference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why hasn't she thought about her DD also having it? Tell her. It's not like you hang out all the time and now won't.
I have whole family denying that they have it. One go evaluated and he is trying to tell others.
They just think the extra struggles are part of life and everything weird is simply preference.

TBF I think this has been the attitude of American society in general. Times are changing bu preconceived notions of what autism and ADHD are supposed to look like are hard to overcome.

[Anonymous]

You sound clueless. Leave her alone.

[Anonymous]

What’s wrong with being quiet?

[Anonymous]

Why do you have to do anything? This helps you better understand your sister. It is nice she confided in you.

[Anonymous]

It seems you are focusing mostly on the fact that the golden child has ‘certified’
issues. Diagnoses or not, she is still the same person she was before.
I think instead of worrying about disclosing her diagnosis to your parents or testing your niece (both are your sister choices), you should figure out the relationship you want to have with your sister

[Anonymous]

Since it runs in the family OP should get herself tested for her complete lack of empathy and unhealthy obsession with her sister.

[Anonymous]

We are an autistic, ADHD, anxious family, OP. We all have high IQs, and some of us are socially awkward and visibly quirky.

My children and I accept this fact and move on. My husband has trouble with the labels, even though diagnoses have not changed who we are. I guess you're like him. Get rid of your pride and vanity. Neurodivergence is not a crime.

Accept your sister for who she is. Read up on high-functioning autism. Social situations will always make her anxious. She will need downtime to recover from them. If pushed too hard, she will display emotional dysregulation, because she has trouble warning you beforehand that she's not coping well - it's all interiorized.

I am sad for your sister that she fears her parents' reactions. I do not talk about our diagnoses with my parents or other relatives. They would not understand. I just show my children how to build quiet, cerebral lives and pick career paths that are autistic-friendly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound jealous of your sister. Grow up.

Agree.
This is a weird long OP post that says a whole lot of nothing.

If this is not a troll post, then just support your ND sister however she may need. Hopefully she works with professionals on managing whatever symptoms are bothering her at work or home.

You can already read up on things but unless you know what she’s actually doing or going through just be nice and expect the same.

The key to her success will be not putting too much on her plate at once.

[Anonymous]

That and change. That may take more time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My older sister was the golden child growing up- good grades, never got in trouble, etc. She was always kinda awkward socially and a nerd, although she had a group of similar friends in HS. For some reason her quirks have gotten more grating as she's gotten older- when we all see eachother at family gathering she's always quieter than everyone else and it's awkward. I know some of our cousins think she is weird too. Occasionally we do milestone sister weekends with our other sister but the last time she blew up about something and got upset and I've made excuses for any suggestions for having one again. My other sister and I have gotten together on our own when she was out of the country and unavalable.

Well she recently got a neuropsych and they say she has Adhd, anxiety, and mild autism. I guess it explains a lot (I doubt she really has Adhd though) but now what do I do? She asked us not to tell our parents, I guess it would knock her off her pedestal. Should I be making more efforts to engage and visit? I want to tell her her DD should get an eval too because I see some of the same signs.....

Why did she supposedly even tell you about her medical neuro tests?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My older sister was the golden child growing up- good grades, never got in trouble, etc. She was always kinda awkward socially and a nerd, although she had a group of similar friends in HS. For some reason her quirks have gotten more grating as she's gotten older- when we all see eachother at family gathering she's always quieter than everyone else and it's awkward. I know some of our cousins think she is weird too. Occasionally we do milestone sister weekends with our other sister but the last time she blew up about something and got upset and I've made excuses for any suggestions for having one again. My other sister and I have gotten together on our own when she was out of the country and unavalable.

Well she recently got a neuropsych and they say she has Adhd, anxiety, and mild autism. I guess it explains a lot (I doubt she really has Adhd though) but now what do I do? She asked us not to tell our parents, I guess it would knock her off her pedestal. Should I be making more efforts to engage and visit? I want to tell her her DD should get an eval too because I see some of the same signs.....

Why did she supposedly even tell you about her medical neuro tests?

OP here- honestly it felt like she wanted attention. Shouldn't you keep stuff like that private?

[Anonymous]

Everyone who’s weird, or quiet, or smart has autism now, or is “on the spectrum”.