What is the threshold for being considered cheating ?
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Anonymous
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Holding hands? Flirting ? Kissing ? sex? Or sexting?
All of those maters but what in practical terms would trigger a breakup? Don’t tell me any of those are the same, because it’s not true. Sex is the worst offense, but some of the other could be not so bad. What do you think? |
Anonymous
| What did you do? |
Anonymous
| Flirting I think is the only one that sounds petty. We all laugh and make conversation with the opposite sex. Context would matter on that e.g., private texts vs just making conversation at an event. |
Anonymous
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I don’t think it’s quite so black and white.
My xH would do what I called “technically not cheating”. First it was getting on dating apps (“but I never actually MET anyone!”), then it was sending intimate messages with an ex-gf, then it was spending hours a day scrolling through hundreds of women’s FB and IG profiles. Meanwhile, he had zero interest in sex with me, or even being around me at all. He’d work late, lock himself in the bathroom for an hour, I’d go to bed alone every night while he stayed up until 2am doing his creepy online stalking. I almost would have preferred if we had a great relationship and he slipped up and slept with someone once, rather than what he did. It’s not just the act of PIV, it’s the whole context around it. Since you said trigger a breakup rather than divorce - my standard now since I’m just dating, is if there’s anything that may even be getting close to crossing a line, I end it right then and there. No mess, no drama. I got so much criticism after my divorce along the lines of “you picked him! There must have been signs before you got married!” that I’m not taking any chances. It’s just not worth the risk for me. Marriage is a bit different since there’s assets and often kids involved, but I don’t plan on ever getting re-married. |
Anonymous
| This depends on what you and your spouse decide. |
Anonymous
| If you would not do it in front of or tell your spouse then it is cheating |
Anonymous
This. It’s different for everyone, but if it’s something you would hide from them, then it’s cheating. |
Anonymous
This. Spouse sees me being only slightly flirty with others and doesn’t mind. Sex with others is something I hide better. |
Anonymous
I kissed three people in a recent business trip but no sex. From the three people only one was actually good. The other two just meh. |
Anonymous
Better luck next time. |
Anonymous
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This is easy.
If you wouldn't do it in front of them it's cheating. |
Anonymous
| What about taking a trip with a close friend of the opposite sex without the approval of your spouse? Would that be considered cheating? |
Anonymous
No, not if you didn't do anything. Your point is that it's something you wouldn't do in front of your spouse, ergo it's cheating, which is the standard others have set (which I don't necessarily agree with because it has its limitations, as you are pointing out). But in case you're being serious and not tongue-in-cheek, the fact that you'd hide a trip with a friend of any kind is a huge red flag in your marriage, even if it is innocent. |
Anonymous
| The threshold is anything you would not want your partner doing to you. |
Anonymous
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don't justify OP's cheating.
OP you are a cheater. How does it feel to have no integrity left? How does it feel to be a liar and a cheat? |