Dance like nobody's watching

[Anonymous]

Not sure where to post this but I may appreciate health/wellness - minded responses so here goes...

I'm generally sensitive and introverted but as I get older I see myself the way my mom describes herself: as an extroverted introvert. I love going dancing, to the theater, having a fun get-together, but I'm almost always the first one to leave. (Like, I'll enjoy dancing with girlfriends but after about 1 to 1.5 hours I am ready to go home and read a novel in bed.) Another way I know I'm introverted is I enjoy one on one conversations but get really bored in big groups/lots of small talk... Again, maybe fun for a little while then I'd usually peel off to talk with one person or again, leave and enjoy people watching or doing something alone.

Now my husband is WAY an introvert. But he's been really great over the years, agreeing to go with me to 2-3 events a year. I've gotten used to the fact that sometimes he would rather stay home with our kids than go to something fun with me; I thought it's sort of a good balance now, where I don't pressure him and he is happy going with me to a few fun events a year where we are expected to talk with people and/or I'll want to dance with him.

We just went to one a few weeks ago, and I thought of it as maybe the best night together ever. We got dressed up, we were happy, talking, and he left early to put the kids to bed while I stayed to dance.

Today he brought up some really hurtful things - basically saying he was so embarrassed by me, that I was "saying whatever popped out of" my head, like I was drunk and being so weird. We were in an unrelated argument so maybe this was just a way to try to make me feel bad, but now I'm like, "was I weird?!?" I wish I could get an objective opinion! I had two glasses of wine and excitedly, happily talked with our friends... And I'm by far not the most bubbly/talkative/extroverted person so I don't really know what he's talking about. But now I feel self conscious and embarrassed. And I feel terrible. Like, I'm at a birthday party and I want to stay quiet by myself because apparently I'm weird.

I thought "dancing like nobody's watching" is supposed to be a good thing, having fun, not being self-conscious... And now it feels like my husband doesn't like that and is judging me.

Ugh.

[Anonymous]

He's a jerk! Simple as. He hurt you because it's something you enjoy, which conveniently he doesn't. It's so you don't drag him out again. So don't! Dance with your friends and leave the AH at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's a jerk! Simple as. He hurt you because it's something you enjoy, which conveniently he doesn't. It's so you don't drag him out again. So don't! Dance with your friends and leave the AH at home.

Thank you!! I needed to hear that. Maybe it's a form of gaslighting because he was portraying me as someone who wants to go get drunk and do terrible things, and I had to defend myself and explain how chill I am even at my most fun, compared to the others around me... And so I've been left wondering if I'm actually weird and not realizing it. I think objectively I'm not. I think I agree with you, that my husband is just being a jerk and trying to hurt me.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound great. For the record, it’s so refreshing to go to an event and talk to someone who is authentically themselves and genuinely having fun. That is *exactly* the kind of person I want to talk to at events.

If this is unusual in your dynamic then something is going on with him. Sounds like he’s trying to externalize some internal unhappiness, assign blame outside himself rather than deal with something.

Mind you, I’m just a stranger on the internet, having heard one perspective only. But I can’t imagine any scenario — even one where there was some great faux pas at the event — where making you feel small and insecure is being a good partner.

I’m sorry it happened. I would totally talk to you at an event, and we would have fun.

[Anonymous]

Two glasses of wine is kind of a lot. You need someone to tell you what you're like when drunk. Do you always need to drink to be excited to be with your friends when you're out? Skip the wine next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two glasses of wine is kind of a lot. You need someone to tell you what you're like when drunk. Do you always need to drink to be excited to be with your friends when you're out? Skip the wine next time.

No. I don't drink alcohol myself, but I do know that 2 drinks on a night out with a meal is pretty standard, even for women. The medical definition of binge drinking starts at 4 drinks for women, and this is well below it.

I'm picking up a shaming tone in your post, and that says so very much more about you and your problems then about OP. It's kind of gross.

[Anonymous]

OP, there are few guiding principles I carry through my life. One is that if you love someone, their happiness makes you happy, and their discomfort makes you sad.

When someone is pleased that you are hurt or disgruntled at your joy, that's not love. That's something else. If you aren't already connected with a good therapist, I thin k that would be quite helpful.

[Anonymous]

OP, my husband is very much an extrovert, life-of-the-party type guy. He is also pretty unfiltered. He often says things that make me cringe a little bit because I'm more like your husband. I've learned to just roll my eyes when I think my husband is doing too much.
But you know what? People genuinely love him. Their reaction to him (even his cringy stuff) is overall positive. Your husband may be sensitive to you "living out loud" because of his personality and the fact that he is experiencing you all the time as opposed to in smaller doses at gatherings. All that being said, ignore him and please continue living your best life. Do not let him dim your light. It was totally a jerk move for him to say those things to you and I hope he resolves whatever issues he's having that caused him to lash out at you in that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two glasses of wine is kind of a lot. You need someone to tell you what you're like when drunk. Do you always need to drink to be excited to be with your friends when you're out? Skip the wine next time.

No. I don't drink alcohol myself, but I do know that 2 drinks on a night out with a meal is pretty standard, even for women. The medical definition of binge drinking starts at 4 drinks for women, and this is well below it.

I'm picking up a shaming tone in your post, and that says so very much more about you and your problems then about OP. It's kind of gross.

I don't care if you think it's shaming. 2 glasses is a lot for a lot of women and if OP is acting silly then her husband is doing her a favor pointing it out. We've all seen sloppy drunk friends. OP says she doesn't go out much so if she's suddenly drinking it can be a lot at once.

[Anonymous]

If you want to dance like nobody's watching then you have to actually not care what other people think. It doesn't literally mean nobody is watching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two glasses of wine is kind of a lot. You need someone to tell you what you're like when drunk. Do you always need to drink to be excited to be with your friends when you're out? Skip the wine next time.

No. I don't drink alcohol myself, but I do know that 2 drinks on a night out with a meal is pretty standard, even for women. The medical definition of binge drinking starts at 4 drinks for women, and this is well below it.

I'm picking up a shaming tone in your post, and that says so very much more about you and your problems then about OP. It's kind of gross.

I don't care if you think it's shaming. 2 glasses is a lot for a lot of women and if OP is acting silly then her husband is doing her a favor pointing it out. We've all seen sloppy drunk friends. OP says she doesn't go out much so if she's suddenly drinking it can be a lot at once.

No, it's not. Go away with your nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two glasses of wine is kind of a lot. You need someone to tell you what you're like when drunk. Do you always need to drink to be excited to be with your friends when you're out? Skip the wine next time.

No. I don't drink alcohol myself, but I do know that 2 drinks on a night out with a meal is pretty standard, even for women. The medical definition of binge drinking starts at 4 drinks for women, and this is well below it.

I'm picking up a shaming tone in your post, and that says so very much more about you and your problems then about OP. It's kind of gross.

I don't care if you think it's shaming. 2 glasses is a lot for a lot of women and if OP is acting silly then her husband is doing her a favor pointing it out. We've all seen sloppy drunk friends. OP says she doesn't go out much so if she's suddenly drinking it can be a lot at once.

No, it's not. Go away with your nonsense.

It's half a bottle of wine. If you think that's nothing then maybe you have a drinking problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two glasses of wine is kind of a lot. You need someone to tell you what you're like when drunk. Do you always need to drink to be excited to be with your friends when you're out? Skip the wine next time.

No. I don't drink alcohol myself, but I do know that 2 drinks on a night out with a meal is pretty standard, even for women. The medical definition of binge drinking starts at 4 drinks for women, and this is well below it.

I'm picking up a shaming tone in your post, and that says so very much more about you and your problems then about OP. It's kind of gross.

I don't care if you think it's shaming. 2 glasses is a lot for a lot of women and if OP is acting silly then her husband is doing her a favor pointing it out. We've all seen sloppy drunk friends. OP says she doesn't go out much so if she's suddenly drinking it can be a lot at once.

No, it's not. Go away with your nonsense.

It's half a bottle of wine. If you think that's nothing then maybe you have a drinking problem.

Again, no one cares what you think. Normal people are talking. Two glasses during the course of the night with food is nothing.

AND even if OP was tispy, SO EFFING WHAT. She was having fun with her friends, letting loose. Perhaps if you took your stick out every once in a while, you would see what a great benefit to mental health that was. You're an ass just like her DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two glasses of wine is kind of a lot. You need someone to tell you what you're like when drunk. Do you always need to drink to be excited to be with your friends when you're out? Skip the wine next time.

No. I don't drink alcohol myself, but I do know that 2 drinks on a night out with a meal is pretty standard, even for women. The medical definition of binge drinking starts at 4 drinks for women, and this is well below it.

I'm picking up a shaming tone in your post, and that says so very much more about you and your problems then about OP. It's kind of gross.

I don't care if you think it's shaming. 2 glasses is a lot for a lot of women and if OP is acting silly then her husband is doing her a favor pointing it out. We've all seen sloppy drunk friends. OP says she doesn't go out much so if she's suddenly drinking it can be a lot at once.

No, it's not. Go away with your nonsense.

It's half a bottle of wine. If you think that's nothing then maybe you have a drinking problem.

Again, no one cares what you think. Normal people are talking. Two glasses during the course of the night with food is nothing.

AND even if OP was tispy, SO EFFING WHAT. She was having fun with her friends, letting loose. Perhaps if you took your stick out every once in a while, you would see what a great benefit to mental health that was. You're an ass just like her DH.

Who gives a hoot what a teetotaler thinks about alcohol? Either OP drinks a shit ton at home and 2 drinks is nothing or she's on a bender on a rare night out and 2 drinks will hit her harder. She should ask her friends what she's like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two glasses of wine is kind of a lot. You need someone to tell you what you're like when drunk. Do you always need to drink to be excited to be with your friends when you're out? Skip the wine next time.

No. I don't drink alcohol myself, but I do know that 2 drinks on a night out with a meal is pretty standard, even for women. The medical definition of binge drinking starts at 4 drinks for women, and this is well below it.

I'm picking up a shaming tone in your post, and that says so very much more about you and your problems then about OP. It's kind of gross.

I don't care if you think it's shaming. 2 glasses is a lot for a lot of women and if OP is acting silly then her husband is doing her a favor pointing it out. We've all seen sloppy drunk friends. OP says she doesn't go out much so if she's suddenly drinking it can be a lot at once.

No, it's not. Go away with your nonsense.

It's half a bottle of wine. If you think that's nothing then maybe you have a drinking problem.

Again, no one cares what you think. Normal people are talking. Two glasses during the course of the night with food is nothing.

AND even if OP was tispy, SO EFFING WHAT. She was having fun with her friends, letting loose. Perhaps if you took your stick out every once in a while, you would see what a great benefit to mental health that was. You're an ass just like her DH.

Who gives a hoot what a teetotaler thinks about alcohol? Either OP drinks a shit ton at home and 2 drinks is nothing or she's on a bender on a rare night out and 2 drinks will hit her harder. She should ask her friends what she's like.

You're a moron. Go away.