Weird living situation of dating partner

[Anonymous]

My dating partner lives like 1+ hrs away from Northern Virginia and has her own apartment. She is legally separated from her ex but also goes to his house during the weekday to take care of dogs. He works out of town and only comes during the weekends when she goes to her apartment. This arrangement seems weird to me and Exs shouldn't be going to each other's house in or behind their presence. I asked her and she responded with a reason to take care of dogs. She is 44 and have two adult daughters in college.

I feel like you would never move on if you are in each other's lives this much.

[Anonymous]

How long ago did they divorce? Maybe she feels like caring for HER DOGS and can't have them in her apartment.

[Anonymous]

You should just accept that *people are weird about their pets*. This is what's going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long ago did they divorce? Maybe she feels like caring for HER DOGS and can't have them in her apartment.

+1

[Anonymous]

Op here. They are not divorced yet but legally separated and she can have dogs at her apartment too.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they are still hooking up. who knows.

[Anonymous]

I mean she's marred. That's the situation. That's what I expected the answer to be when I read the title and that's what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should just accept that *people are weird about their pets*. This is what's going on here.

Probably a bigger red flag than her being married.

[Anonymous]

That’s some fuzzy boundaries, in my opinion. I wouldn’t be ok with it.

[Anonymous]

She's married and dating you? Wtf

[Anonymous]

A lot of people in dating apps won’t date someone who’s not yet divorced.

[Anonymous]

Where does she sleep?
Are these dogs left alone all week long with just a daily visit or 2? If so this is cruelty. WTF

[Anonymous]

Doesn't sounds weird to me, in that she's probably attached to the pets but can't have them in her apartment or they will have to decide pet custody arrangements when they get divorced. Virginia makes couples prove they are living apart for a year pre divorce.

With that said, I wouldn't ever date anyone who wasn't already legally divorced.

[Anonymous]

What does it mean to be “legally” separated in VA?

I left my husband and family home in VA and moved to a different state. VA law says that if you have no minor children and agree how to divide assets, you can file for divorce in 6 months after living separately, and then divorce can be finalized within a couple of months.

I don’t know when I want to actually file for divorce - maybe when I decide to marry someone else. I have a boyfriend, and he is okay with my current situation and understands that I’m in transition. And I also had to go to the family home for two weeks recently and even stay there with my husband.

Your girlfriend is also in transition, it’s not a permanent situation. You can discuss it with her and ask what her plans are - regarding her dogs and divorce. Your intentions and feelings matter to her too, so consider communicating them clearly. If my boyfriend says that he wants us to live together and potentially get married but he’d like me to divorce before moving in together, then I’ll file for divorce. Right now there’s no incentive for me to change anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. They are not divorced yet but legally separated and she can have dogs at her apartment too.

Maybe the dogs' quality of life is better at the house than it would be at the apartment. Maybe the apartment has breed restrictions.

Either way, it would only be weird to me if it had been YEARS and this was still going on. These people are not divorced yet. Maybe she shouldn't be dating until she is actually divorced, mostly to avoid situations like this.

She has her own reasons for continuing to care for her dogs this way. You can ask her what her reasons are or you can get territorial about her. Your call.