I hate everything about having a child with special needs

[Anonymous]

the effing meetings, dealing with the people, the subpar programs even when you've gone the extra mile and gotten your kid into what is supposed to be a better school (spoiler: it's not), the kid himself who is oftentimes not particularly nice, the fact that we will be paying for him for the rest of his life. I didn't ask for this; this is not what I wanted out of motherhood. Rant over. Enjoy your weekend.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. Completely valid.

[Anonymous]

Yeah it’s tough. There are never any guarantees when you have kids and sometimes the road is so incredibly hard. I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. It's tough, and it's exhausting, and it also feels like it's never over. I'm sorry you're going through this.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry. I’ve been there too.

[Anonymous]

So sorry — the meetings, paperwork, legalese that makes no sense… it really is all too much on top of just dealing with the kid…not to mention the impact on family dynamics. And my kid has struggles that are milder than some. We really do idealize motherhood when the reality can look so different. I do wish we could figure out some of the challenges kids have that seem to be on the rise — in terms of prevention and treatment. Your child is so lucky to have you as a mom. Hope you can get a bit of a break this Mother’s Day.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry. That stupid trip to holland thing always made me so irritated.

I don’t know how old your kid is, but I will say that some of the folks I knew that had the easiest kids in ES have had a really rough time in HS. Because sometimes those kids were highly compliant due to anxiety that exploded at puberty. Or some of them were highly complaint in ES because they cared a lot about peer reactions, which can also be a disaster as a teen. I think some of those moms really got the wind knocked out of them when this happened. For me. I learned early that stuff wasn’t going to be predictable or easy so I think maybe I take the challenges in stride a little. I don’t fool myself into thinking that it’s all about how I have raised them — I think a lot of moms of the kids that were so good in ES really credit themselves as soon if things fall apart at puberty, it shocks their sense of self. I think I have a slightly more realistic view of what my role is.

The HS path is different, for sure, but some kids with SN sort of even out a lot by HS. Or at least the issues don’t change as quickly so you can deal with them more predictably. Those earlier years are tough.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. It’s hard.

[Anonymous]

I’m another just coming on here to say I’m sorry. We’ve all had those moments and really rough times. I hope today can be a better day for you.

It’s been a roller coaster in my house over the years and so exhausting. When things were at the worst, I’d lie in bed and just hope the next day would be a little better.

PP was spot on. Some phases, or years, are just easier or harder than others.

Come on here and vent all you need to. We get it.

[Anonymous]

im always in the minority on this board with this but i found the welcome to holland thing v helpful. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

I agree OP. My son has special needs and it is so hard. He works so hard, tries so hard and still fails. We fight tooth and nail for alternative ways of learning and demonstrating knowledge. He is surviving in high school academically - but I want say thriving.

But extra curriculars are tough because no one gives him as shot. He’s just not that good and competition is fierce so he is left out. People preach inclusion but no one wants it for their team or activity.

I hate the mtgs and doctors appointments. I hate the school system more than anything.

[Anonymous]

I like the Holland poem too lol

There are definitely hard things. Sometimes i just have to step back and breathe......and parent the child I have, not the child I want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:im always in the minority on this board with this but i found the welcome to holland thing v helpful. YMMV.

I do, too .
Op, have you been doing transition planning for dc? At 18, dc might be eligible for SSI and supported housing. Is independent living a goal?

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP. There are so many times I wished I never had this child, I wished I could send him away, I wished I never married and got myself into this mess. The worst is that I can never say any of this publicly, and if I did, I would be told to treat my depression. Is this even depression? Or just a natural reaction to something that is objectively bad? Who would want a life like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:im always in the minority on this board with this but i found the welcome to holland thing v helpful. YMMV.

Sure, except it’s not Holland. I booked a beach resort with waves and palm trees and got Times Square in the city that never sleeps with blaring sirens everywhere. My nerves are shot, I’m always ON and I have a pounding headache.