Placing my Mom in Memory Care Tomorrow - Suggestions to ease the move-in?

[Anonymous]

My mother has been living with us for over five years. The time has come to finally place her. I will tell her my husband is having surgery, and I have to be at the hospital to take care of him.

She has a skin condition, so I still need to visit about two times per week to change the dressing.

We are decorating her room and dropping off many of her belongings tonight.

I am praying for a smooth transition.

Do you have any suggestions to help the process?

[Anonymous]

Decorate her room to have as much of the same layout as her room has now. Place the same things on her dresser/nightstand in the same order as they are now.

Play her music from her olden days when she gets agitated.

[Anonymous]

Benevolent lying. And lots of it.

[Anonymous]

What did the facility advise. Did they not help you make plans and counsel you about this? If the answer is no you should be looking for a different facility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did the facility advise. Did they not help you make plans and counsel you about this? If the answer is no you should be looking for a different facility.

Such helpful, easy-easy-to-follow advice!

That said, what sort of facility doesn't cresidents dressings dressings?

Definitely set up the room as much like her old one as possible. My mom had all sorts of complaints about the layout of her temporary room (which furniture was near windows, style of dresser, distance of bed from bathroom), but when she moved into her permanent room, she wanted laid out the way her bedroom had been back when she lived independently.

Hope today goes as smoothly as possible.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you to all for your suggestions. There was no drama. I left her in the social area. She seemed ok. She doesn’t talk too much anymore. Her alzheimer’s is a little advanced, so she isn’t 100% aware of what is going on. The benevolent lie I told her was that my doctor had told me I had a back injury, and I could no longer help lift my mom up bed, toilet and shower seat. I will see her in a few days. I got a text from the “home” saying she was doing well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did the facility advise. Did they not help you make plans and counsel you about this? If the answer is no you should be looking for a different facility.

Such helpful, easy-easy-to-follow advice!

That said, what sort of facility doesn't cresidents dressings dressings?

Definitely set up the room as much like her old one as possible. My mom had all sorts of complaints about the layout of her temporary room (which furniture was near windows, style of dresser, distance of bed from bathroom), but when she moved into her permanent room, she wanted laid out the way her bedroom had been back when she lived independently.

Hope today goes as smoothly as possible.

Indeed!

The best advice is not always the easiest to follow. I stand by the idea that if a facility has not collaborated and coached around this transition, it's not a good facility, and OP should look for a different one. She never really addressed that but it sounds like things are going well. For now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did the facility advise. Did they not help you make plans and counsel you about this? If the answer is no you should be looking for a different facility.

Such helpful, easy-easy-to-follow advice!

That said, what sort of facility doesn't cresidents dressings dressings?

Definitely set up the room as much like her old one as possible. My mom had all sorts of complaints about the layout of her temporary room (which furniture was near windows, style of dresser, distance of bed from bathroom), but when she moved into her permanent room, she wanted laid out the way her bedroom had been back when she lived independently.

Hope today goes as smoothly as possible.

Indeed!

The best advice is not always the easiest to follow. I stand by the idea that if a facility has not collaborated and coached around this transition, it's not a good facility, and OP should look for a different one. She never really addressed that but it sounds like things are going well. For now.

Maybe the mother isn't super wealthy like many of the parents here. Give OP a break.

Not everywhere in America provides all the services to which some of you have become accustomed.

[Anonymous]

The staff are professionals. This is their job and likely their do it over and over successfully.

Make nice with the highest people in charge -- when you *don't* have a problem. Everyone actually. Develop a IRL, in person relationship. Friendly conversation, not entirely the job. When you need advice or need to suggestion that something be done differently, it will be easier. After both my parents passed, I returned to their facility when I was in town, once or twice a year just to say hi. Many of the staff had become acquaintances I missed seeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did the facility advise. Did they not help you make plans and counsel you about this? If the answer is no you should be looking for a different facility.

Such helpful, easy-easy-to-follow advice!

That said, what sort of facility doesn't cresidents dressings dressings?

Definitely set up the room as much like her old one as possible. My mom had all sorts of complaints about the layout of her temporary room (which furniture was near windows, style of dresser, distance of bed from bathroom), but when she moved into her permanent room, she wanted laid out the way her bedroom had been back when she lived independently.

Hope today goes as smoothly as possible.

Indeed!

The best advice is not always the easiest to follow. I stand by the idea that if a facility has not collaborated and coached around this transition, it's not a good facility, and OP should look for a different one. She never really addressed that but it sounds like things are going well. For now.

Maybe the mother isn't super wealthy like many of the parents here. Give OP a break.

Not everywhere in America provides all the services to which some of you have become accustomed.

I have taken care of so many elders over decades and I can tell you that expensive doesn’t guarantee quality care. One of the best SNFs I encountered was for a step relative with Medicaid only. The decor was fairly spartan but the care was excellent, the facility was clean, and the staff were very devoted. The most expensive AL/SNF I dealt with was terrible with communication and medication errors. You really have to dig into each facility. What I said had nothing to do with cost. Any facility that isn’t helping prepare for the transition is a bad one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did the facility advise. Did they not help you make plans and counsel you about this? If the answer is no you should be looking for a different facility.

Such helpful, easy-easy-to-follow advice!

That said, what sort of facility doesn't cresidents dressings dressings?

Definitely set up the room as much like her old one as possible. My mom had all sorts of complaints about the layout of her temporary room (which furniture was near windows, style of dresser, distance of bed from bathroom), but when she moved into her permanent room, she wanted laid out the way her bedroom had been back when she lived independently.

Hope today goes as smoothly as possible.

Indeed!

The best advice is not always the easiest to follow. I stand by the idea that if a facility has not collaborated and coached around this transition, it's not a good facility, and OP should look for a different one. She never really addressed that but it sounds like things are going well. For now.

Maybe the mother isn't super wealthy like many of the parents here. Give OP a break.

Not everywhere in America provides all the services to which some of you have become accustomed.

Wound care is not a luxury. I don't know how a place can keep its license if it's not doing the basics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to all for your suggestions. There was no drama. I left her in the social area. She seemed ok. She doesn’t talk too much anymore. Her alzheimer’s is a little advanced, so she isn’t 100% aware of what is going on. The benevolent lie I told her was that my doctor had told me I had a back injury, and I could no longer help lift my mom up bed, toilet and shower seat. I will see her in a few days. I got a text from the “home” saying she was doing well.

Glad it went well. May I suggest bringing little things sometimes for the staff "as a thank you for taking such good care of my mom!" when you visit? Bagels and cream cheese, donuts, fruit, etc? Bribes go a long way in situations like this.

[Anonymous]

One of those electronic picture frames is nice. My granddad couldn't remember things but he loved looking at the pictures.

Albums can be heavy or cluttery so one of those digital frames can work nicely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to all for your suggestions. There was no drama. I left her in the social area. She seemed ok. She doesn’t talk too much anymore. Her alzheimer’s is a little advanced, so she isn’t 100% aware of what is going on. The benevolent lie I told her was that my doctor had told me I had a back injury, and I could no longer help lift my mom up bed, toilet and shower seat. I will see her in a few days. I got a text from the “home” saying she was doing well.

Glad it went well. May I suggest bringing little things sometimes for the staff "as a thank you for taking such good care of my mom!" when you visit? Bagels and cream cheese, donuts, fruit, etc? Bribes go a long way in situations like this.

Gifts and establishing relationships are both good. The other important thing is to visit frequently and at unexpected times. It doesn’t have to be one person and they don’t need to stay for a long time, but when staff knows visitors may show up at anytime your LO will receive better care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did the facility advise. Did they not help you make plans and counsel you about this? If the answer is no you should be looking for a different facility.

Such helpful, easy-easy-to-follow advice!

That said, what sort of facility doesn't cresidents dressings dressings?

Definitely set up the room as much like her old one as possible. My mom had all sorts of complaints about the layout of her temporary room (which furniture was near windows, style of dresser, distance of bed from bathroom), but when she moved into her permanent room, she wanted laid out the way her bedroom had been back when she lived independently.

Hope today goes as smoothly as possible.

Indeed!

The best advice is not always the easiest to follow. I stand by the idea that if a facility has not collaborated and coached around this transition, it's not a good facility, and OP should look for a different one. She never really addressed that but it sounds like things are going well. For now.

Maybe the mother isn't super wealthy like many of the parents here. Give OP a break.

Not everywhere in America provides all the services to which some of you have become accustomed.

If a memory care facility doesn't counsel incoming families on how best to transition, do you really want your parent there? That seems like Dementia Care 101