Executor Options

[Anonymous]

Redoing our will. 2 daughters. We cannot make them co executors, they really don't get along well, one has some mental healtg issues and can be somewhat manipulative. I think it would be a disaster.
Lawyer firm? Some relative, and they are paid from the will?

[Anonymous]

Use a financial advisor, make them financial power of attorney and executor.

[Anonymous]

Definitely do not have co executors. Getting everything signed by two people is a pain even if they do get along.

Do you have a relative who can be neutral between the two? How complicated is your estate?

Also, this is not typical, but you have the option of assigning personal property by name. For example if you have say twenty pieces of furniture or jewelry, you can designate who gets what. That way there is no fighting over who gets what.

[Anonymous]

Do not pick one sibling. My parents did this and my sibling stole everything and didn't include me in the funeral. We no longer speak.

[Anonymous]

Make a trust.

[Anonymous]

Whatever you do, do not have them as coexecutors. My mother did this to my (abusive) stepfather and I. It was ruinous beyond what you could even imagine, and a decade later the ripples are still felt.

I'd just have a lawyer do it and they will be paid their fees out of the estate; it can be a confusing PITA to administer an estate, anyway (it was even confusing for me, and I'm a lawyer, just not that kind of lawyer).

[Anonymous]

You are smart not to have them be co-executors. I would not make either of them do it solo because it could lead to accusations from the other just for spite. My answer to whom to use depends on how complicated it all is. It is rude to ask a family friend or relative if you have a very complicated estate unless you make it clear what they are getting themselves into. I would also insist they pay themselves the amount allowed for their services and I would let your kids know this is your wish. Make sure you don't pressure anyone and they actually want to because they could just dump it after you pass and leave your kids to find someone else. I know a family where that happened. The parents were not honest about how time intensive it would be a few months in the relative refused and stopped talking to everyone. If it's complicated it's probably best to have a lawyer, accountant or financial expert do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not pick one sibling. My parents did this and my sibling stole everything and didn't include me in the funeral. We no longer speak.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not pick one sibling. My parents did this and my sibling stole everything and didn't include me in the funeral. We no longer speak.

This.

I am actually trying to avoid that, which is why I'm asking about 3rd parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make a trust.

Sure, but there still needs to be an executor.

[Anonymous]

For most, a trust only if you have north of 5 million in assets. Is that what you have today? Because that amount will just keep going up. I think the sister without the mental health struggles can be executor. DH and I have each been executors. It's not that big a deal, not even going through probate. Btw, you are not saddling the sister with this responsibility. When the time comes, she can always say "no". And the court would appoint someone. Her saying no after you have passed is a detail you haven't thought of, you'll never know. Imho, no reason to be afraid of probate. There is accountability all through the process. No one is "stealing" anything unless they are doing something illegal. Most people who complain that a relative "steals" haven't familiarized themselves with the law or don't want to be bothered with asking the court for paperwork from the estate.

I would not hand-over a percentage of the estate to a hired executor. I mean you could. It wouldn't be the worst decision. Just not what I would do. Any mistake you make in calculations, the court will tell you. You'll fix any omissions. You'll learn along the way. Most reasonably educated, level headed adults can manage the duties of an executor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make a trust.

This is not necessarily the better option at all. One of my parents had a trust, one did not. Dealing with both estates was a nightmare, but the one with the trust was by far the worst.

OP, discuss all of this with an attorney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For most, a trust only if you have north of 5 million in assets. Is that what you have today? Because that amount will just keep going up. I think the sister without the mental health struggles can be executor. DH and I have each been executors. It's not that big a deal, not even going through probate. Btw, you are not saddling the sister with this responsibility. When the time comes, she can always say "no". And the court would appoint someone. Her saying no after you have passed is a detail you haven't thought of, you'll never know. Imho, no reason to be afraid of probate. There is accountability all through the process. No one is "stealing" anything unless they are doing something illegal. Most people who complain that a relative "steals" haven't familiarized themselves with the law or don't want to be bothered with asking the court for paperwork from the estate.

I would not hand-over a percentage of the estate to a hired executor. I mean you could. It wouldn't be the worst decision. Just not what I would do. Any mistake you make in calculations, the court will tell you. You'll fix any omissions. You'll learn along the way. Most reasonably educated, level headed adults can manage the duties of an executor.

But they probably don't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For most, a trust only if you have north of 5 million in assets. Is that what you have today? Because that amount will just keep going up. I think the sister without the mental health struggles can be executor. DH and I have each been executors. It's not that big a deal, not even going through probate. Btw, you are not saddling the sister with this responsibility. When the time comes, she can always say "no". And the court would appoint someone. Her saying no after you have passed is a detail you haven't thought of, you'll never know. Imho, no reason to be afraid of probate. There is accountability all through the process. No one is "stealing" anything unless they are doing something illegal. Most people who complain that a relative "steals" haven't familiarized themselves with the law or don't want to be bothered with asking the court for paperwork from the estate.

I would not hand-over a percentage of the estate to a hired executor. I mean you could. It wouldn't be the worst decision. Just not what I would do. Any mistake you make in calculations, the court will tell you. You'll fix any omissions. You'll learn along the way. Most reasonably educated, level headed adults can manage the duties of an executor.

We have been the exectors to the trusts and wills of 3 parents. A sibling was the executor for one of the parents. I shared responsibility with one sibling.

Here's what siblings can do- delay delay delay- or decide they can be paid whatever they want, not disclose sources of assets without a challenge, not file , deal unethically with real estate sales, and all manner of nonsense. We have seen it.
I also know contemporary siblings who are still in court struggles years after death of parents.
No, I want a third party. I know what the dynamics of one of my children and her spouse would contribute to the mess.

Some of it will be very easy in that most of the assets will be payable upon death. The others- a house, jewelry, etc., are not. You are assuming it's about competence, but it is not in this case. They are both competent.

[Anonymous]

You can pay a bank or credit union to manage the estate.