Do you tell your kid when he’s being annoying?

[Anonymous]

I love my 9 year old a ton…but he has adhd and can be very annoying. I am having trouble balancing my desire to teach him self acceptance/build his confidence with my sense that I should coach him to be less annoying.

For example, if he does something once that gets a laugh, he will keep doing it until it’s super annoying (weird noises, jokes, etc.). I see this happening often when he has friends over.

How do I approach this?

[Anonymous]

Yes. I will say - cut that out, not ok.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes

[Anonymous]

Please do not blame this on ADHD. This is called 9 year old boy immaturity. Every action that he makes is not a syndrome symptom.

He will grow out of it eventually. But yes, it's helpful if you guide him.

[Anonymous]

ADHD plays a role in missing social cues. It's common for kids with ADHD to stay in this phase far longer than their peers, as their peers will eventually pick up on the social cues telling them when to stop.

So yes, I tell my kid with ADHD when he's being annoying. He struggles socially, and one day soon, it could impact his friendships. Your instinct to coach is spot on, imo.

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ADHD plays a role in missing social cues. It's common for kids with ADHD to stay in this phase far longer than their peers, as their peers will eventually pick up on the social cues telling them when to stop.

So yes, I tell my kid with ADHD when he's being annoying. He struggles socially, and one day soon, it could impact his friendships. Your instinct to coach is spot on, imo.

this

and same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my 9 year old a ton…but he has adhd and can be very annoying. I am having trouble balancing my desire to teach him self acceptance/build his confidence with my sense that I should coach him to be less annoying.

For example, if he does something once that gets a laugh, he will keep doing it until it’s super annoying (weird noises, jokes, etc.). I see this happening often when he has friends over.

How do I approach this?

Yes, but I won't say he's being annoying. I will inform him that he's being repetitive, I already answered that question, what he said hurts my feelings, etc. This is how they learn. So point it out but nicely.

[Anonymous]

Yes - same here. My son is 12 now and we’ve been pointing it out for years with no change though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes - same here. My son is 12 now and we’ve been pointing it out for years with no change though.

Same here. I point it out not every time but most of the time, but there is still no change.

[Anonymous]

You have to point it out politely AND how it makes others feel. So tell them that a joke can be funny and compliment his sense of humor, but say that most kids his age have outgrown hearing the same joke over and over and they will think he is being immature. He won’t know unless you tell him, and he may be a few years behind socially, so be very clear. You can acknowledge that he may still think it’s funny, but others don’t. It takes clear messaging and repetition for him to internalize this. If he were doing it to me, I’d remind him once, and then ask him to go in another room to repeat it as many times as he wants, but don’t come back until it is out of his system. You are doing him a favor by teaching this, just like you teach him to brush his teeth regularly. He just doesn’t get it.

[Anonymous]

You have to. It’s what many people didn’t do that created adults who can’t reel themselves in.

“Stop being annoying, find something else to do” is perfectly acceptable .