13 year old watching porn

[Anonymous]

Just found porn on my (just turned) 13 yo son’s device. I think this is too young. Dad will talk with him about porn (ok to explore your body, but porn isn’t real, consent, etc.). We have also blocked the sites we know he is using (screen time controls). What else should we do?

[Anonymous]

I would take away the device too for the immediate but know that it doesn't end there because he could look over a friend's device, a friend's laptop with no parental controls etc.

Teaching him restraint is key

[Anonymous]

Next time he just won't get caught.

[Anonymous]

Your plan is good. Does your husband have the kind of relationship with him where he can talk to him about sex and your son will ask questions? He may have been looking at porn more from a curiosity standpoint than anything. I remember being that age and looking things up because I was curious, not because I was actually enjoying what I was watching.

[Anonymous]

Cover it’s not real, it isn’t what girls really like, it’s cartoonish, it’s designed to be addictive and negatively affect your ability to have normal sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cover it’s not real, it isn’t what girls really like, it’s cartoonish, it’s designed to be addictive and negatively affect your ability to have normal sex.

There's stuff that's real. You're not limited to 70s-style porno tapes.

[Anonymous]

Cover how it exploits people, how this isn’t what sex is really like, that women don’t actually like being treated this way, most don’t look this way, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cover how it exploits people, how this isn’t what sex is really like, that women don’t actually like being treated this way, most don’t look this way, etc.

How old are you? And when was the last time you looked at porn?

You're going to lose all credibility if you go in with these tired, old talking points.

[Anonymous]

It’s not so much the porn (normal to be interested) but that he needs parental controls on the devices and limits on total screen time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cover how it exploits people, how this isn’t what sex is really like, that women don’t actually like being treated this way, most don’t look this way, etc.

How old are you? And when was the last time you looked at porn?

You're going to lose all credibility if you go in with these tired, old talking points.

Umm those are all really important things for boys to hear.

[Anonymous]

This is a very typical age in my experience. Unfortunately. I think you both have to just keep having conversations about how it's natural to be curious but it's not a good thing to do, etc.

Put parental controls on the router level, not just on individual devices. I cannot emphasize this enough. You don't want his friends coming over with their iPads and looking at porn in your house. Also, hold off getting him a phone because that becomes very hard to control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cover how it exploits people, how this isn’t what sex is really like, that women don’t actually like being treated this way, most don’t look this way, etc.

How old are you? And when was the last time you looked at porn?

You're going to lose all credibility if you go in with these tired, old talking points.

Umm those are all really important things for boys to hear.

You don't know if they even apply to what he was watching.

[Anonymous]

All of what others have said. It's very important too explain that:

1. sometimes, women (and sometimes young boys) are exploited for porn

2. It's not what a real, healthy relationship looks like. Hopefully they've seen you and spouse, grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends, etc. interacting and know what a healthy relationship looks like

3. It's extremely important to be open and honest with your partner, about what they like/want, what feels good for them and about what you like/want and feels good for you, and if you cannot do that with your partner, you are not ready to be having a sexual relationship with them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of what others have said. It's very important too explain that:

1. sometimes, women (and sometimes young boys) are exploited for porn

2. It's not what a real, healthy relationship looks like. Hopefully they've seen you and spouse, grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends, etc. interacting and know what a healthy relationship looks like

3. It's extremely important to be open and honest with your partner, about what they like/want, what feels good for them and about what you like/want and feels good for you, and if you cannot do that with your partner, you are not ready to be having a sexual relationship with them

Your 13 year old doesn't want to see their grandparents having sex. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Also make sure to frequently review the sites he's visiting. Turns out a website called deviant art has a lot of "corn" and a lot of video aggrelation sites that aren't youtube have a lot of corn.