I have too much to think about!

[Anonymous]

And that's before the Holiday stuff. Nothing in my close family is going well, and somehow I am the person who is most capable of thinking ahead (not my forte, but apparently I'm just better at it than my relatives), which makes me the point person for all kinds of troubleshooting. I care about the outcomes, like my father's hospitalization, my mother's struggle to care for herself without my father, or my husband's work problems, or my work problems, or my son's internship situation. Also the oven is crapping out on me. I need to siphon off thoughts as they emerge a la Harry Potter just so I can keep them in reserve for later, because right now I am PARALYZED from too many thoughts at once!

Help. What do I do? I need to actually work and be functional.

[Anonymous]

Keeping a list helps me.
Go through and put three priorities at the top and eventually you will get through the list.
Let what can go holiday wise, go.
Good luck and sorry you have so much on your plate.

[Anonymous]

Time. That's all you have. Countdown each minute you are here.

[Anonymous]

Do you have siblings?

[Anonymous]

Being better at things does not mean you should always do them.

You should completely stay out of your husband's work. WTF. Why is that even on your list? You should be expending zero mental energy on your husband's work. Your son's internship? If you're old enough to have an internship, you're old enough to figure it out without Mommy.

If you're doing more than half of the stuff around the house because you're "better" at it - give half of that stuff to your husband and live with things done imperfectly.

Then, you can focus your attention where it matters - your work, your parent's health and safety, and your half of the home/kid responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

I fail to see any problems. Seems like life to me.
DS can figure his own things out. I bet he wants you to stay out. Same with the DH.
Hire some help for parents if they allow.

[Anonymous]

Why are you minding everyone else's business? Let's start there. Focus on your own first and then maybe Mom and Dad if there's time or energy left. You are clearly overextended and it's overwhelmed you.

When overwhelmed best thing to do is figure out what gets cut first. In this situation I'd say everyone's else's problems.

[Anonymous]

I'd get the oven fixed.

You can control that.

No small thing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time. That's all you have. Countdown each minute you are here.

That is the truth. Amen.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks. You're right, DH can deal with his own stuff. He also promised to deal with the oven.

My son has special needs. If we don't help him, he'll be failure to launch. We must help him gain independence as much as we can.

I've tried to hire help for my parents, but they refuse. They're in crisis mode now, and they "have too much going on to hire someone". Which is crazy to me. They live far away, so it's not like I can pop in and install a grab bar. I need to realize that I cannot help them more than they want to help themselves, but the slow-mo train wreck gives me major anxiety.

So I need to focus on my work and then figure something out for DS and learn to let go of the rest. It's hard.

No siblings. Thank goodness my other child is a delight and very functional. What a relief!

[Anonymous]

Set aside 2 hours of worry time/ or worry and get-it-done action time. Daily. You have got to train your mind - do some scheduling, to focus.

Or have certain tasks and have a timer - you will work on a resolution to ____ problem for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes, your focus is needed for something else.

[Anonymous]

OP I can you related. You sound like an empath or a highly sensitive person, as am I. I think people who aren't have trouble understanding how overwhelming it can feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And that's before the Holiday stuff. Nothing in my close family is going well, and somehow I am the person who is most capable of thinking ahead (not my forte, but apparently I'm just better at it than my relatives), which makes me the point person for all kinds of troubleshooting. I care about the outcomes, like my father's hospitalization, my mother's struggle to care for herself without my father, or my husband's work problems, or my work problems, or my son's internship situation. Also the oven is crapping out on me. I need to siphon off thoughts as they emerge a la Harry Potter just so I can keep them in reserve for later, because right now I am PARALYZED from too many thoughts at once!

Help. What do I do? I need to actually work and be functional.

What do you do? You focus on the oven. And your work.

And find a good book to read so you stop taking on other people's problems. I used to be you so I get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Set aside 2 hours of worry time/ or worry and get-it-done action time. Daily. You have got to train your mind - do some scheduling, to focus.

Or have certain tasks and have a timer - you will work on a resolution to ____ problem for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes, your focus is needed for something else.

Add meditation to this to help train your mind.

[Anonymous]

Write it down! Get everything on your heart/mind OUT. If there are tasks, make a to do list (I use my reminders app). Pray. And sometimes it’s okay to acknowledge that you can’t carry everything and just let the chips fall where they may.

Praying everything gets better for you and your family.